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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

You Better Know Who You're Dealing With....

Do you want something from somebody?

Do you need them to do some task for you or provide you with something?

Are you trying to sway their opinion or gain their favor or get them to love you?

Or are you one of those people who just likes to manipulate other people or exert power and influence over them?

No matter what the scenario or the reason, we all need something from other people.

How do you get people to see things your way?  To make a change that will favor you?

Let me tell you right off.... I am not good at this. 

I basically suck at getting people to do what I want them to do.

Because I treat everybody the same, i.e. my approach is the same no matter the age, gender, personality or social profile of the person I'm dealing with.

That may sound Ok but it is absolutely the wrong thing to do.


Because everybody is different and they respond to different things.

In order to get someone to do something or change in some way, you have to learn enough about that person and be skillful enough to approach them in a way they will respond to.

That takes Time and Patience.... there are those 2 words again.... and Talent and Desire.... you have to want what you want enough and be able to present it in the proper way to the person.

Let me use myself as an example of things that work and things that don't work and why.

Let's say I'm 25 - 30 lbs overweight (which I've been a few times in my life) and you're someone who cares about me and wants me to lose weight maybe because you're concerned about my health and maybe because you think I would look better.

You know the best way to get me to lose the weight? 

Tell me I'm FAT!!!

Just look at me and say "You know what William.  You're a Lard Ass.  You need to quit eating so much Mexican Food and drinking so much beer and laying around and watching TV.  You need a bra and Michelin just called to see if you'd do a commercial for them!"

Don't sit there and artfully suggest I eat some vegetables or ask me if I want to walk around the block and don't tell me I don't look fat.

Compare me unfavorably to some stud we saw walking down the mall.

Slam my ass with an insult or a challenge or a negative comparison and you'll get results.  Mamby Pamby me and I'll just look at you and laugh and have another Margarita.

Now 99% of the rest of the world would first be crushed and then pissed off at that approach.... but not me.


Because I am very straightforward.... sometimes cruelly blunt.... I have few or no filters.... I say what's on my mind.... I calls 'em the way I sees 'em... and I don't hold much back and I respond to that same "No Filter" approach.... otherwise I'd be one of those "You can dish it out but you can't take it" kinda guys.... which I'm not.

And I hate - hate - hate feeling like I'm being handled.... you know what I mean?

Anybody that knows me knows I have no problem taking criticism.... as long as it's justified and able to be backed up with specific examples.

Don't call me an Asshole without telling me Why you think I'm an Asshole and providing at least 3 specific recent examples.

And by the way.... I am an Asshole.

Ok.... let's take another scenario.

Let's say you are a person presenting an opportunity or change for me... whether it's a job or a vacation or an investment or a relocation to a different part of the country or a new diet or workout routine.

Please DON'T tell me how great the weather is or I'll love it or It's the best thing since sliced bread or There are Guaranteed Results or Returns or Just wait till you get there or You Need a Change or I love this one.... Just Try It and See How it Works Out.

Give me information, options, contingencies, risks, schedules, worst case scenarios, data - tell me how much it costs, how it compares - send me links to reference sites so I can learn about it.


Because I don't like uncertainty and change and I am an information processor..... and if I am gonna do something different or new, I want to know as much about it as I can..... Before I do it.

Now if you're not the type of person that can present opportunites in that way, guess what?

You're not gonna be effective with me....

Which might say more about you than you wish to admit.

So the next time you want somebody to do something for you....

You might want to take some time and think about....

Who You're Dealing With....

What Your Skill Set is....

And Adjust Your Approach....

Or Retreat....


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