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Friday, December 8, 2017

Be the Spark that Lights Another's Flame

This is gonna be a fun and different post.

Fun because it's an Optimistic and Positive type of Post as opposed to more Dark and Introspective.

And I'm gonna line this one up a little differently.  I'm gonna put the Cart before the Horse by giving you the Post Outline or Talking Points FIRST:
  • Changed the title from ".... Lights Another's Fire" to ".... Lights Another's Flame" - Why?
  • Compare or Discuss Past Experiences with "Being a Catalyst" vs "Being a Spark".
  • Discuss the Different Areas / Situations of Experience where "Being a Spark" applied.
  • Challenge or Entice People to Engage or Reveal themselves by "Throwing a Grenade in the Room" vs "Striking a Spark".
  • Just because there's a Spark don't mean there's a Flame!
That oughta be enough to get started.  There I go revealing my Creative Writing techniques - OMG - an Outline?  Wills - I'm shocked - How dare you use basic Old School Writing Techniques and Procedures!

I know  - I know - How Gangsta of Me!

Rip this Script Wills and let the Dogs of Words loose!  

Ok - that didn't come out as Cool as it seemed in my Mind....

So originally - in the Selected Reader Selection Process where 11 readers selected their favorite "Hook" blog post titles or ideas from a list of 24, I had this post titled....

"Be the Spark that lights Another's Fire"

And, as I am apt to do - I thought about that.

What does it mean to Light a "Fire"?

Well - first of all the concept of "Fire" can be somewhat intimidating because "Fire" can have negative connotations like....

Holy Shit - there's a "Fire" - Get Out and Get Away and Run for your Lives!!!!

Fire can imply a Blaze or something that's Out of Control AND that Consumes and Destroys or at least can be Unmanageable and is often a result of Too Much Fuel or Too Much Stimulus or Too Much INFORMATION - Oh My Wills - You mean TMI or WMI???

Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - You get the Picture.

Whereas a Flame especially if it is the very first Manifestation or Result of a Spark or an Ember has its own unique Qualities and Characteristics.

It is Simple, Subtle, Basic and must be Protected and Nurtured from the Elements and Outside Influences - think Cupped Hands.

It is Personal and Particular to the Person and Persons involved with its Initiation and Receipt.

It is a Potential for or Beginning of a Fire but it is just a Flame.

Also - in another line of thinking - a Flame (think of a Stove top or Gas Burner) can be a Tool that is used as a Means to an End - like cooking a Meal - which for me, in and of itself, requires some thought, preparation and is nourishment to the Mind, Body and Spirit and is one of the ultimate expressions of....

Love.

A Blazing Fire is great when you're out in the Cold and the Wild but think about the effect when you are shivering, hands numb and shaking and you strike that match to a Tinder (No - Not the Swiping Tinder!) bundle and you see that first lick of Flame....

That's a whole different kind of Comfort that extends beyond Cold Hands and perhaps to a Cold Heart!

It's kind of Primal.

I strike Sparks all the Time in Conversations, Discussions and in Actions.

The Simplest Kind of Spark is a Genuine and Heartfelt Smile to a Stranger.

You would be Amazed at the Reactions I get at a grocery store or Walmart when your eye catches the eye of another person and you throw them a No Holds Barred Smile.

I gotta reveal something personal to you - People used to make fun of my Smile because my Mouth is so big and wide.

People called it a Joker Smile - from Batman Villain fame.

And I used to be self-conscious about it.  Yeah - we all have our little challenges.

It's funny - you change venues, lose a little weight, age a little bit, get a different attitude about life and all of a sudden....

You have a nice smile.

Maybe coming to Santa Fe from a life on the Gulf Coast of Texas was my Spark.

Anyway - back to the Smile at the Stranger at the Store.

I do this all the Time... most of the time it's spontaneous and sometimes it's calculated.

Regardless of the intent or extent, I would say 90% of the time my Joker Smile is received with an instantaneous comprehension of the Good Wills sent with it.....

And it is returned in Kind... and in Kindness.

Cause you see - that's the thing about a Spark.... sometimes it Back Fires on You but more often -

It Fires Back at You!

It comes back at You in a Good Way.  There's that Karma thing again.

Spark makes the Flame and Flame makes the Fire and Fire sucks in Oxygen and Life and feeds the Fire.

Kinda Weird and Cool...

Or Hot - all at the same time.

And like I said earlier, sometimes the Spark is a Conversation about God knows What....

Paleo Diet, Working Out, Knee Replacement, Music, Dancing, Life, Love, Sex, Clothes, Style, Lifestyle, Global Warming, God, other Higher Being, AstroGlide....

And something I say or something I do has an effect....

Plant a Seed
Strike a Spark
That Another
Reacts to
Responds to
Is revolted by
Is jolted by.

I used to call myself a Catalyst - a technical or chemistry term - for a component that initiates a reaction but doesn't become involved in the reaction itself.

That self-analysis and environmental action concept has not been well received by those I have extended it to in most cases maybe because it connotates or describes a situation where I am not physically or emotionally invested or affected.

I guess, in this case, I would take my Son's perspective and say "Fuck Intent - I'm Outcome Driven" (incidentally and ironically #7 on the Selected Reader Selection List of Discovery Blog topics), in the Sense that, it's NOThing about me and ALL about the other person and the effect on them - hopefully positive.

That's my Intent and hopefully the other person's Outcome.  There ya go Aaron - there's some content for your post!

I remember I was talking to a lady during a lunch break on a hike about 9 months ago.  I was eating one of my Paleo meals I had prepared that morning - Cast iron skillet grilled meat, veggies, fruit with some fresh basil, blueberries and almonds on the top with my special Curry Powder - Garam Masala - Allspice seasoning mix used in the cooking of it....

And I shared some with her.

"Oh that's so delicious. I'm gonna try cooking and eating like that".

Fast forward 6 months - and I see this lady again - and My God - she's like a lot less Woman than she used to be.

She comes up to me and says "Thank you so much for introducing me to the Paleo Diet.  I've been on it for 6 months and lost 25 lbs and feel better now than I ever have.  I would never have known about it if you wouldn't have shared your knowledge and practice of the Paleo diet and your meal with me."

What can I say?

Out goes a Spark - Back comes a Fire!

Sometimes you don't even know it - and it depends on the Individual that is recipient of the Spark what they do with it.

Maybe a Spark is a Good Deed or a Kind Word or some show of Support to a Friend in Need or a Stranger Indeed.

Like taking a Pot of Homemade Chicken Soup to a Sick Friend.

Holding a Woman you just met close to You on a Slow Dance and providing a Moment of Close Comfort in a Day or Life of Desertion.

Standing on the Top of a Mountain and raising your Arms over your head in Victory and shouting...
"Yo - Adrian - I did it" in your best Rocky impersonation while your hiking buddies just stand back and shake their head.

Maybe it's Dancing at the front of the dance floor by the band in your own little world concerned less with what People may think and more about losing yourself or finding yourself in the Music.

Taking a Friend to the Doctor, not because they need a ride, but just because you truly care about them.

Helping an Old Person to a table and into their chair.

Standing when your Lady leaves or comes back to the table.

Saying "Yes Ma'am and No Sir".

Treating People with Respect even when they Piss You Off.

Working out with Someone or introducing Someone to a Group Exercise Class when they want to start or resume an Exercise Program but just need a little help getting started.

Showing an Empty or Damaged Heart that Love never Dies.

Listening.

Walking the Talk even when you're tired of Walking.

And People who actually Know Me, which is a very small group, know I sometimes Strike a Spark in a Powder Magazine, i.e. "throw a grenade in the room" just to see how people will react or what they will say to the spark or topic presented.

"Fire for Effect" is a way of forcing people to assess where they are or what they stand for in Life's Fire.

Yeah - Sometimes a Spark is a Challenge.

"Get up off your ass - Quit feeling sorry for yourself - You've got One Life to Live - One Day at a Time - So Don't Waste a Day or a Minute!"

Let's go Dancing - Let's go have a Drink - Let's go Workout - Let's go Hiking - What do you think about this? - God, you're so Beautiful - Dude, You've Put on some Muscle. Well Done - How's your new job going?

Hell - just remembering someone's name from a first meeting a month ago and greeting them with...

"Hey ______, how are you?"

Yeah - remembering the name of a Stranger is a Spark.

Ramble - Ramble - Ramble.....

You done yet Wills?

I guess "Be the Spark" is kinda like being Johnny Appleseed.

Throw those sparks or seeds out as you go and just hope they grow!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+13&version=NLT

“Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted! Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”

Hmmm....

Come to think of it - maybe it's less about the Spark and more about where the Spark lands.

Ok - I give, I'm done and actually a little cold SO...

Go ahead and throw a Spark my way and...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdgUn-0DDFs

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

William - Party of One!

You can probably guess the Source of this little Ditty Title.

You and Your Party or Partner or Significant Other or Family enter a Restaurant and there's a wait so you put your name on the list and eventually you hear the Host-ess with the Most-est come over the PA with....

"So and So... Party of However Many"

Well - for me - being the One Man Band that is playing - the Hostess' announcement is usually....

"William - Party of One".

Ok - so I've written quite a bit about my "aloneness" but probably never really focused on it as a basis for an entire post.

Until now.

What's the best way to begin this little Story of Wills' One?

How about these 3 versions of U2's One!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftjEcrrf7r0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgZ4ammawyI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFWPeVfWB9o

Back to the Future or the Here and Now - Where to Begin?

Probably at the beginning - which is usually a pretty good place to start - as opposed to the end and going backwards.

So - how did "William - Party of One" begin?

Let's go back about 55 years - 1962 - the year I was born and the year....

My Mom, Viola Miller, bought a set of 1962 World Book Encyclopedias and matching Dictionary set.

What's this have to do with the whole "Wills Alone" theme?

Be patient - I know - you want to know what time it is and I'm telling you how the watch works.

Well - just get used to it and STFU and....

Let me tell you a little story bout this Man named Wills
He didn't live in the Mountains or Beverly Hills
He grew up in the cow pastures and rice fields
Where he grew up hunting and killed
And planted and tilled.

Watching birds and all God's Creatures
Living in the Land and with the Land
And learning all its Features
His only Companions and Friends
The Meadowlark and the Owl Screecher.

Sitting on the step of the front door
As a child before reading
Opening his encyclopedia like a Crystal Ball
Turning the pages of his future without seeing
That every picture and every word
Was to the World so absurd.

That by Ten he was in
College without knowing
His Imagination and Knowledge growing
Beyond his years and despite his tears
No playing with peers
But working in fears
Of lack of money
Poverty they call it now.

He learned alone
Played alone
Worked alone
Grew up alone.

And they ask him now
Tell me Wills how
Did it come to be
That you're always alone
But never lonely?

Well now - there you have it - Life Imitates Art - or Art describes Life - right?

So yeah - for those not able to read the lines or in between the lines, I grew up in a rural, country environment at 3180 S. Major Drive (FM 364) in Beaumont, Texas.

There wasn't another kid my age for at least 2 miles for the first 6 years of my life.

I remember sitting on the front door step of my house at 3 maybe 4 years of age with a World Book Encyclopedia - I think there was like 20 books in the set from A - Z obviously - and just turning the pages and wondering what it said and looking at the pictures and getting up and going into my Mom and asking "Mom - what does this say?  What is this about?" and her telling me and then the images meant something and I committed what my Mom told me and what I saw to memory.

And my Mom reading to me every night Bible stories that were beautifully illustrated...

Abraham and Isaac, Joseph and his coat of many colors, Gideon and his 300, Ruth and Boaz.

And I couldn't wait till I could read - so I could understand all of these books for myself....

Because that's all I had as a Companion - my Bible Books, my Encyclopedias, and....

Nature.

Beyond the fence of my back yard was a section (640 acres - a square mile) of cow pasture and beyond that miles of rice fields with intermittent tree lines, ditches, irrigation canals, an occasional mini oil derrick / pumper and dirt and shale roads.  You can Google Earth it and still see that big cow pasture in the back - 55 years later!


Larger game like whitetail deer and feral hogs were not part of that landscape back then but are now.

Back then, it was small game and lots of birds - it was a fucking bird paradise - and at a very early age - I became an Ornithologist - a Birdwatcher.

Now let me throw this in right here - I grew up in an era and a community and culture where kids played outside and parents let them.

My Mother let me leave the yard alone - Ok - not alone - with my first dog,  Doggie (I know - original name - right?), and roam (and I do mean roam) the fields well away from my house with the only stipulation on distance being that I remain close enough to where I could hear my Mother's voice when she hollered for me....

"Will-Yummmmmmmmm!"

And I mean for a little woman (5'2") - she had the pipes of a Swiss Mountain Horn - I remember being on the other side of that big field - nearly a half a mile away and being able to hear my Mother's voice.

I would jump up off the ground where I had been belly crawling for 30 minutes to try to get close enough to a Meadowlark to catch it in my hands - and yes - I actually did it a couple of times.


http://www.audubon.org/field-guide/bird/eastern-meadowlark

Anyway - I would hear my Mother's voice and jump up and start running back to the house hollering in my wee little 6 year old voice...

"I hear you Mommy! I'm coming!".

I was John James Fucking Audubon -

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_James_Audubon

Or at least I thought I was!

I roamed the fields stalking dove and quail and shooting and killing them with my Benjamin Franklin 342 .22 caliber pellet gun that I got for my 7th Christmas....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufwT87af_UI

Yep - you heard it right - I was out roaming the fields with the equivalent of a 22 rifle hunting, stalking and harvesting game birds at the age of 7.  Actually I got my first gun - a Daisy BB rifle - at age 6.

I would come back with 4 or 5 doves by 9:00 am of a Sunday morning and pluck and gut and dress them and take them into my Mother who would proceed to make the Absolute Best Breakfast to this Day I have ever had...

Cast Iron Skillet Fried Dove
From Scratch Cat Head Biscuits - No Goddammit - there were no cat parts in the biscuits - this was what they were called because they were so big and fluffy they looked like a Cat Head!
Homemade Blackberry and Mayhaw Jelly
Creamy Southern Grits
Fried Eggs

And when I wasn't Hunting and Killing to Eat or raising home grown (they talk Organic now - I fucking lived it for the first 20 years of my Life) vegetables and fruit, I was out with a pencil and paper and sketching birds in their natural habitat.

And when I wasn't doing that, I was building Bird Feeders and elaborate Purple Martin Houses. Yeah - lots of people in Beaumont had Purple Martin houses in their back yard because they are the Most Organic Mosquito Killer there is known to Man!


http://www.audubon.org/field-guide/bird/purple-martin

How was I able to build all this shit?

Cause I got a jig saw (sabre saw) and skill saw when I was like 9 or 10 years old.

Can you imagine putting a power tool like this in the hands of a 9 year old these days?

Yeah I was a capable, independent, ingenuitive, ambitious little Fucker.

This looks very much like a Purple Martin house I made when I was 10 years old out of 3/4" plywood.  I think mine had 24 compartments and was like a 4-decker with a steeple "penthouse" at each end!


Starting to get the picture?

Anyway - One of my most treasured possessions is a Roger Tory Petersen "Field Guide to the Birds of Texas" that I got from my Sister when I was 10, which I still have.  I started a "Life List" of Texas birds observed in the Field which I continue to this day.

Notice I haven't mentioned playing with any other kids.

And for good reason - as I said earlier - there weren't any.  I didn't grow up in a subdivision where you went next door to play with Jimmy or Jane or where kids rode their bikes in the streets.

The closest kid to me was 2 miles away and his name was Jimmy Akers.

I do remember riding my Banana Seat bicycle the 2 miles to his house when I was 7 or 8 and playing with him but this was not an everyday occurrence.

Remember these??


So, again, my Friends were Books and Nature.

I was Alone....

And they kept me Company.

Actually not Bad Company and Company I still keep and treasure to this day.

I guess they were my Brother and Sister in Arms.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_VsvZmIWxY

Let's keep moving.

I did go to a Public Elementary School from 1st - 4th grade - Amelia Elementary.

But, I also grew up a devout Seventh-Day Adventist (courtesy of my Mother) which not many people know about me.

And let me just preface and qualify what is to follow with the following:
  • I'm characterizing the SDA religion based on what I remember and what I experienced almost 50 years ago.
  • There is no malice or forethought or attempt to criticize, denigrate or diminish the Seventh Day Adventist religion or any member or follower thereof.
  • I am simply recounting what I remember through the eyes and experience of a child and adolescent.
There - I'm qualified - or at least I tried to qualify.

How would I describe being a Seventh Day Adventist as a kid from the perspective of an adult?

It is like a cross between the most devout Bible Banging Baptist and the strictest, most literal Orthodox Jew - a legalistic Nightmare for a kid - or at least this Kid.

First of all, the SDA's were the original "Health, Diet and Nutrition" Lifestyle Gurus - which is not a bad thing - unless it's taken to extremes - like everything else in Life.

They formed Post and Kellogg and were into and creating natural and organic healthy foods and diets in the 1840's way before anybody else.

They were one of the "original" vegetarians having formed "Vegetarian Food" companies that I remember being in the Commissary at the Beaumont SDA Church when I was a little Kid in the mid and late 60s.  They had Veggie Burgers in a can before they were the latest Hot and Trendy thing on the menu.

They follow Leviticus 22 to the T - 

Cloven footed animals only.
No scavengers.
No birds of prey.
No animals without skeletons - like oysters, shrimp, lobsters, etc.
No fish with skin - scales only...... yada yada yada....


They observe the Sabbath (sounds Jewish - right?) just like the Jewish faith - from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown.

During that 24 hour period, you can't (or at least at that time in the 60s and 70s) play, watch TV, listen to secular music, see a movie....

Basically - you couldn't do anything of Pleasure - it was intended to be a 24 hour period or a Day of Worship where all efforts, attention, talk, everything was supposed to be about God and worship of God.

So - functionally - what that meant to a little kid like me was I couldn't play on Saturdays.  

Hell - I couldn't even watch cartoons or TV.

Or as an adolescent - Dance - Oh Holy Shit - Dancing as a Seventh Day Adventist was the Biggest Taboo ever!

Can you imagine me NOT DANCING?!*%$@!

When I first started dancing when I was like 15 - it was like this Incredible Spirit and Energy had been awakened inside me....

Or let out of a Tomb!

And - most importantly - I couldn't engage in any normal kid activities on Saturdays like being on a Baseball or Football team - or any group sport - because, obviously, practice and / or the games were almost always on Saturday.

So even if I wanted to be part of a group of Peers (or play like a normal kid with other kids), a lot of that opportunity was taken away from me by the administration and legalism of the Seventh Day Adventist religion.

You could, however, go on Nature Walks or be in Nature.

A-Haaaa!  I got my Out so I got In the Out or I got Out and got In it - the Great Outdoors that is.

Alone - just Me and My Dog and Nature.

So there ya go - Mo Data on the whole Alone thing!

Continuing the whole religion thing and how it relates to William - Party of One....

From 5th - 8th grade, my dear Mother (I ain't blaming her - I'm just telling you what happened) decided the best thing to do for me was to take me out of Public School and put me in a Seventh Day Adventist Church School.

So she took me out of a perfectly good Public School System where I had great experiences, great teachers and lots of classmates and put me into...

A church school where the total population of students for ALL of grades 1 - 8 was....

20!

Yep - you heard me right - the whole fucking school from grades 1 - 8 had 20 students - and there was never more than 4 including me in my grade.

Holy Deflated Social Interaction Batman!

There was good and bad in that situation as there is with all school situations but what I remember most about my experience with the Seventh Day Adventist Church School for those 4 years was 2 things:
  • The incredible financial burden the monthly tuition was on my family - it probably wasn't that much in terms of absolute dollars - but when you're barely eaking out a living - anything extra is too much - and I remember my Dad having to take on 2 or 3 extra jobs to pay for my tuition and that of my sisters who also were sent off to a SDA High School Academy - Oh my sisters will say different - that they paid for every penny of their costs at Jefferson Academy but that's bullshit - I saw the fucking checks my Mother made out to good ole Jefferson Academy so I know better.
  • The other thing was that the other kids in my class picked up, personified, perpetuated and persecuted me on many matters of the SDA legalism including what I ate and drank because most of them were vegetarians and I often brought sandwiches or whatever containing meat even though it was "clean" meat per Leviticus 22 and I brought drinks with caffeine like Dr Pepper and most SDA's eliminate caffeine from their diet.  The little fuckers were merciless in their ridicule of me.  I probably would have gotten less harassment in a class of 100 in public school than I would have that tiny, legalistic SDA hellhole I was in for 4 years.
So that didn't help the whole Alone thing much.

Yeah - I'm kinda feeling some Godsmack right now - like Fuck 'em All!


Continuing the Chronology....

I went back to Public School for High School at Forest Park High School which is now Westbrook.

And that was probably one of the best experiences of my life.

I kinda sprouted, blossomed and grew out of the One-Person Hole and became a Jack of All Trades of Socialization - Master of Being a Chameleon with all groups and types.

There were 4 distinct groups at Forest Park High School when I attended:
  • Nerds / Geeks - the Brains and Intellectuals
  • Jocks - Self explanatory
  • Goat Ropers, Rednecks, ShitKickers - FFA (Future Farmers of America with their blue coats and FFA emblems), Hunters and Fishermen, etc.
  • Jels or Jellyheads - the Dope Smokers
Guess what?

I was Friends with and hung out with ALL of them.

Why?

Because I was PART of ALL of them - except the Jels - I never smoked dope in high school or college.

But some of the Jels were crossovers - they played football or were hunters or whatever so I ran in their crowd too and was accepted.

Yeah - you heard me.

I had a 4.0 in High School so I was always challenging the Nerds and the Geeks and often had the best grades in class and beat their best players in the lunch Chess matches.

Starting at 14, I told my Mother - Fuck Church and Fuck the Seventh Day Adventists - I'm gonna do my own thing and run Track and Play Football... so I did.  So I was part and parcel to the Jocks.

Of course I was a Country Boy at Heart and in Function and Growing Up - so I fit right in with the Goat Roper crowd only I never chewed tobacco or dipped Skoal in high school or college.  And I took all the Rich Lawyer, Doctor and Dentist kids hunting on their fancy leases as like a personal guide cause their Daddies didn't have time to take their own kids cause they were too busy making money.

And it was funny - part of my acceptance in the World of the Jels is that I would never smoke a cigarette or a joint with them.  My steadfast and consistent resistance to their "conversion attempts and tactics" won their admiration, respect and acceptance into their little Club.

So yeah - I guess I kinda made up for a lot of childhood and prior years of lack of socialization in high school but I still maintained my Own Identity and Independence.

I was Everybody's Everything but I was...

Still My Own Thing.

Still Me.

My Die was already set - I was....

William - Party of One.

You are what you were when you were 7 - Right?

And what I was when I was 7 was this Kid running the Fields and reading World Book Encyclopedias!

Alone.

And despite what People Want You to Be.... all you can be is...

What You Are.


Fast Forward past Failing at Raising 2 Wives and Succeeding at Raising 2 kids (not sure there's a difference - how did I fail at one and succeed at the other?) - and here I am in...

Santa Fe.

And I am probably more "William - Party of One" now as a 55 year old than I was as a 5 year old.

Only now I probably have more of a choice.

I can choose to be Alone or choose to be with People.

And most of the time I choose to be - 

Alone.

Why?

I don't know - that's probably a Shrink question.

Maybe it's more of my Comfort Zone.... Maybe it's easier.... Probably less expensive.

Geez - everytime I've been "together" for a long time with a woman, it's cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars.

The other aspect of this whole William - Party of One thing that I haven't explored yet is kind of a Twist of Words imitating actual Life that I am apt to do and that is....

I am my own Party!

I know that sounds Weird, Egocentric and Whatever but really and truly I kind of entertain myself.

Probably cause that's what I used to have to do as a Kid.

I have a lot of Parties (People and Activities) going on in my head and they keep me challenged, entertained, laughing, crying and pretty much busy.

The few people that I have let into my Life, and who have been unfortunate enough to get a look see into this Wacky World of Wills, marvel at how much shit is going on inside that daring, demented, divided, divisive, balanced and imbalanced Mind of Mine.

I've had people (mainly women) say at a particular bar or dance place....

"I don't get it.  You come into (this place) alone, You dance alone, and You leave alone.  You don't seem to have a Girlfriend or anybody you hang out with.  That's kinda Weird - don't you think?"

Yeah - I guess it is - but you know what?

You gotta Be Yourself!


You gotta dance with who brung ya.

And Who brung me to this Dance of Life is....

William - Party of One!!!

And I kinda like his Company!

Whatcha Eating this Morning Wills???


5 Minute meal...

Thin cut pork chop with cranberry - raisin - walnut bread.

Building flavor and texture by layers.

Honey Mustard.

Fold the thin cut pork chop over to trap the melted Brie and do kind of a Philly Cheese steak thing a la Outback Willy.

Layer of Spicy Hummus.

Layer of thin cut tomato with EVOO and S & P.

Layer of diced avocado with another EVOO S & P treatment.

Claussen dill slices on the side with a few kalamata olive slices scattered about.

Too pretty to eat???

Naaaa!

Sonofabitch - that's Good.

May be one of the Best Open Faced Sandwiches I've ever made.

Can you say....

Food Discovery!!!

Monday, December 4, 2017

Death don't Scare Me.... It's Life that Scares Me!

Life and Death
Death and Life
One is My Lover
And One is My Wife.
I Love One
And Serve the Other
Knowing that
When they Meet
They will step over my Grave
And Embrace each Other.

Lots of ways to go on a post with this title, so, as usual, I'll just do a Rumbling, Tumbling, Stumbling and Fumbling down my Football Field of Life and see if we cross some sort of Goal Line and end up in the End Zone of Life together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8yEvF4M-jU

Where's Chris Berman when you need him anyway?

Oh well I guess we'll just have to rely on the wisdom or lack thereof of this Humble Servant and Observer of Life - Yours Truly.

So here's a few Life and Death Bones to put some Meat on or to take Sustenance off of regarding Life and Death.

Death is Final and Predictable - its duration is instantaneous although, in some circumstances, somewhat drawn out.

It's Outcome is Final IMHO and not Negotiable, i.e. this Life and Death is it; that's all there is to it - when you're Dead, you're Dead.  Very counterculture in the Spiritual Afterlife setting of Santa Fe but, again, that's my take on it.

Death ALWAYS Wins.

Life is Uncertain and it's duration Undefined - determined always by its relation and interaction with Death.

It's Natural Energy-based tendency is to gravitate toward Chaos or Disorder aka the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics....

http://www.brighthubengineering.com/thermodynamics/4615-the-principle-of-increase-of-entropy/

 “An irreversible process always tends to take the isolated system to a state of greater disorder. An isolated system always tends to a state of greater entropy. So there is link between entropy and disorder. It may be roughly said that the entropy of a system is a measure of degree of molecular disorder existing in the system. When the heat is imparted to a system, the disorderly motion of the molecules increases and so the entropy of the system increases. The reverse occurs when the heat is removed from the system."

In Mathematical terms, the equation or definition of Entropy is the integral of the Change in Energy divided by Time.

Change in Entropy = Q / T


Bottom line and in Layman's Terms - We have to put a tremendous amount of energy into Life to keep it from going to Hell in a Handbasket.

See - you didn't even know your Life was subject to and governed by an Undeniable and Irreversible Law of Nature!

As I have told my Son and Daughter repeatedly since they were old enough to understand the subject matter and concept....

Life is Hard at Best and Really Hard, Discouraging and Disappointing at Worst.

From the very beginning of Socialization with others, we are challenged with -

Playing well with others
Being received graciously by others and extending that reciprocal graciousness
Trying to respect and develop our own character and growth and to recognize that in others...
Or the lack of it.
Which leads to a need for social and relational assessment and discernment.
In how we handle ourselves around others.
And how we allow others to handle themselves around us
i.e. How we let people treat us.

There are always mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, relational, vocational, etc. challenges for us to face and overcome.

I mean when I look back at the 55 years of my existence - probably 52 of it memorable - or should I say recallable - I marvel at how hard it's been.

And, frankly, I've had a pretty good and easy life compared to a lot of people.

ALL of the hardships I've faced have been created, sustained and fulfilled by ME!

Yep - "Shit Happens" did not happen with Me.

I made Shit Happen - Good Shit and Bad Shit.

As we get older, there is potentially or likely a collection of more Baggage and Bad Memories that Dot and Dash our Life's Morse Code that can unfortunately and negatively influence our Actions, Experiences in and Enjoyment of the Future.

And it takes Life Energy to overcome and deal with this.

At a Time, if you are my age or older, when Life Energy is beginning to ebb.

Think of it as a Salmon swimming against the Current in its last Life attempt to complete the Circle of Life and Death.

The Fast, Inevitable and Unrelenting Current of Life seeks to Detour and Destroy the Salmon's Basic Instinct to Survive, to Live and to fulfill its Ultimate Destiny....

The Sustaining and Prolonging of Life through the Passing of its Life to its Offspring.

Unfortunately, the majority, and I do mean like majority, of the Salmon, DON'T MAKE IT!

Take a look at this data from the following link page 11:

http://www.aquacase.org/learning_docs/Salmon-Survival-Activity-Packet_Jan-2016.pdf


Holy Shit - out of 2500 salmon, 2 made it to Spawning and ZERO Survived!

That's 0.08% of the Population of Salmon actually realized their Full Potential of Life and what did they get as a Reward????

Fucking DEATH!!!!

Which is probably as good a comparison of the Human Life Experience as you can get.

Very Few People actually Live Life to their Full Potential and actually realize and experience the joy of achieving that Full Life Potential.

I am relatively certain that those 2 Salmon, that made it to that quiet pool that was their birthing place and their final resting place, never considered or had any FEAR of Death in their Life's Journey.

They were simply acting on Instinct.

For us of the Human Persuasion, it's not that Simple.

Common or Uncommon Wisdom and many different Philosophies and Sources generally agree that there are 4 or 5 Stages in the Human Life.

Here's a few links to explore and explain those Life Stages:

http://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/2016/the-four-stages-of-life/

https://www.thoughtco.com/stages-of-life-in-hinduism-1770068

https://www.learning-mind.com/stages-of-life-journey/

For the sake of this post and in presenting my own slant on this subject for the Purpose of this Post, here's my 4 Stages of Life:
  • Awakening, Learning, Development: this is birth, infancy, childhood, adolescence and early adulthood, where we gain much of our Core Education and Foundation in terms of Formal Learning / Education and Development of Core Personality and Moral and Ethical Characteristics and Standards.
  • Recognition and Resolve: this is the Period from Early Adulthood through Late Adulthood - age-wise probably mid 20's to mid 40's where we Recognize, Embrace and Challenge and are Challenged by the World around us and all that entails and encompasses including Matters of Relationships, Marriage, Family, Vocation, Physical Maturing and Peaking, Spiritual, etc. and Resolve to Make our Mark on the World or at least, attempt to make a Good Life (however we define that) based on what we know, experience and prioritize in this Phase of Life.
  • Reckoning, Reflection and Sharing: probably mid 40s to early to mid 60s - a time in Life where Life is changing - Kids are leaving or have left the Nest, Work life / Career is winding down and there is Time and Experiences enough behind you to make an assessment or a reckoning of what you've done or not done with your life.  There is Time to Reflect on this and perhaps develop some perspective on it that might border on your personal concept of Wisdom and of course, the need or desire to share those learnings with people around you.
  • Retirement, Rebirth, Recreation, Resignation, Receding and Final Resting - Death: For many, regrettably, this may be the first time in Life since Childhood since they've actually had the Time, Money and have taken the Opportunity to PLAY!  The Problem is that, also, for many, they simply don't have the Physical, Mental or Emotional Wherewithal to Play anymore.  Life has taken its toll on the Body, the Mind and the Attitude and Perspective and leaves them no more than Walking Zombies - my term for the Living Dead.  For others, which I continually witness, wonder at and wander with in Santa Fe, i.e., those that have preserved their bodies, minds and sanity, this is a Time where the Pursuit of New Adventures, Travel and Discovery is Met and perhaps Muted by the Reality of Aging.  The Want is there but the Wherewithal is not.
True to the Life Explanation of the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics and in the losing attempt to attain, maintain and sustain the Order of Life in the face of Impending and Inevitable Chaos...

Life Energy asymptotically approaches Zero which is the mathematical, literal and life ending phenomenon we all Know and eventually Experience as....

Death.

I have actually heard and had discussions with several people lately that have espoused the concept of...

"I'm not afraid of Death.  I've lived a Good Life".

And I share that precept and premonition.

I have actually set forth a path and defined period of remaining Life that is predicated on my past Life of Pain and Experience and perhaps an attempt to cheat Death it's Smug and Purposeful Observation of my imminent Physical, Mental and Emotional Decline.

I am 55 and still pretty much WAO (Wide Ass Open) physically, mentally and emotionally, however, in this Top Fuel Dragster metaphor of Life, parts and pieces of me are flying off going down the track in the quest of a 300+ mph sub-4 second finish.  Check out the John Force - Kenny Bernstein crash at the 1:00 minute mark on the video.... Epic, Tragic and kinda Representative of my Experience with those that try to Run with Me during this Final Drag Race of Life, i.e. in my Intensity and Wills to Win - I end up taking us Both Out!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf7qV4GiZeg

I figure, based on this "I'd rather burn out or blow up instead of Fade Away" philosophy, I got 15 more years of what I call the Good Life left.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O1v_7T6p8U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHshP9vcnDY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bOKsOveYD0

So - yeah - I definitely wanna check out of this Salmon Run before I'm 70.

I see the shock on the face of the few that I reveal this to especially given that many of the recipients of my Declaration of Life and Death are either approaching, on or are looking at the passing of the cusp of 70 years of age.

They attempt to console me by saying things like "Oh, you're gonna live way past that - look at you.  You take good care of yourself.  You're in great shape".

I kinda smile a little inside at these words of encouragement and just say "Well thanks.  I appreciate it.  Guess I'll just take one day at a time and see what happens".

When I'm really thinking, "You don't have a clue.... this Physicality is really all a facade.  I'm really broken up inside with a Fake Left Knee, 2 missing discs in my lower back, a left shoulder that grates and grinds in a no-cartilage socket, a right knee / leg that is crooked and painful and a myriad of other physical pains and deficiencies to boot."

Yeah - there's a reckoning to an attitude and application of Invincibility and maintaining an all-out Sprint in Life when you should be Jogging or Walking.

But that's OK - it's my Life and my Death to Make and to Meet.

I will likely skip or try to avoid the Final Phase of Life as defined above, choosing instead to Meet and Greet Death while I am still able to Five Finger Death Punch Him in the Face and hug him in an End of Life Embrace as we jump off Life's Cliff together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-snQbt9T8U

"Cradle To The Grave"

The blood that runs within my veins
(the blood that runs within my veins)
Keeps me from ever ending up the same
(ending up the same)

The fire that's pushing me on and on and on
(on and on and on)
To me it's everything and it makes me fucking strong

Love me or hate me
I walk alone

Been called a monster, called a demon, called a freak
(called a freak)
I'm not an idol, not an angel, not a saint
(I'm not a saint)

I walk alone, I always have, I'm not ashamed
(not ashamed)
A living nightmare from the cradle to the grave

The soul that lives within my chest
(the soul that lives within my chest)
Just won't allow me to turn out like the rest
(turn out like the rest)
This heart that's driving me on and on and on
(on and on and on)
Has the same vision and it keeps me fucking strong

Yeah - that Mother Fucker - Death - don't Scare Me.

It's that other Mother Fucker - Life - that Scares the Death out of Me.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

He’s MetroSexual with a Deep East Texas Flair

Note:  This post was penned by a Guest Author.

Metrosexual may not be a word in your vocabulary so let’s start with definitions – there are many and it’s a fun read.

met·ro·sex·ual
 a young, urban, heterosexual male with liberal political views, an interest in fashion, and a refined sense of taste.

met·ro·sex·ual
 A new name for something quite old. Men with taste & style who know about fashion, art, and culture have always existed. In past centuries, these kinds of men were in the upper crust of society (more leisure time). Technology has enabled men with more leisure time, so less wealthy males can now fuss over their looks and aesthetics almost as much as women. An American Metrosexual is like your average European male. In France or Italy, men can be manly and work on cars and know about art and fashion at the same time. They are cool with that and don't need some special name for the less "masculine" side. In the U.S. we think men all have to be either dumb gorillas or homosexuals. There is some grey area! There is an emphasis on not being pretentious in America that itself becomes a kind of pretentiousness. Men who dabble in vanity or in lofty romantic concerns seem less like men when in fact, they are probably better lovers to women than their traditional counterpart. James Bond is very metro in a lot of ways. He aint no sissy but he has excellent taste.

You might be "metrosexual" if:
 You just can't walk past a Banana Republic or American Eagle store without making a purchase.
 You own 20 pairs of shoes, half a dozen pairs of sunglasses, just as many watches and you carry a man purse.
 You see a stylist instead of a barber, because barbers don't do highlights. You can make her lamb shanks and risotto for dinner and Eggs Benedict for breakfast... all from scratch.
 You only wear Calvin Klein boxer-briefs.
 You would never, ever own a pickup truck.
 You can't imagine a day without hair styling products.
 You'd rather drink wine than beer... but you'll find out what estate and vintage first.
 Despite being flattered (even proud) that gay guys hit on you, you still find the thought of  
actually getting intimate with another man truly repulsive.
"Some people think he's gay, but he's actually metrosexual."

met·ro·sex·ual 
Males who are concerned with their looks more than the average female. A metrosexual generally takes a significant amount of time in the bathroom "grooming" themselves before going out. They often get quite upset or even aggressive when their hair is touched, and refuse to go outside in the rain. Spiked bleached hair and tan skin is common among metrosexuals, but it is not necessary. A metrosexual can be gay, but they often are not.

metro-sexual
metrosexual is a modern enlightened, sort of renaissance man. Secure and confident, capable and cool, typically well-educated and stylish. Heterosexual with a twist, not gay by any means, but he probably has a few gay friends, Can easily be mistaken for gay by rednecks and jock types. The only straight guy in a fabric store or antique shop who is not being dragged there by a woman.
the men who actually watch Queer Eye for style tips
When a blind person thinks you're straight, and a deaf person thinks you're gay.
My grandma told me I look gay, but my sister told her I'm just metrosexual.

Metrosexual
A normally straight male who possesses qualities of a gay male without being attracted to men. A metro often appreciates the finer things in life and enjoys making himself look good; be it through styling his hair or wearing fashionable clothes.
Person 1: "Is he gay"
Person 2: "No, he does dress well, but he has a wife"
Person 1: "Oh, he must be metro then"

End of Definitions… Beginning of MetroSexual pics...










You get the idea.

If the shoes fit, wear them.
Some of these shoes fit, some don’t when we’re talking about Wills.
And that’s Who we’re talking about.
But Why are we talking about this?

Because being Metro in Santa Fe is a Shoe that doesn’t generally fit.  In an environment of retired folks, hikers, cyclists, East Coast transplants, West Coast transplants, mountain men and women, a Metro stands out.  Same Metro wouldn’t be noticed in Manhattan, DC, San Francisco, Miami, Dallas or Key Largo. 

There is a look in Santa Fe and it generally revolves around neutral colors, simple combinations, certain labels, and certain codes. Earth tones.  East Coast conservative dress thinking.  Except of course, for the Native American Culture, Spanish Culture, Mexican Culture, and other cultures mixing well in Santa Fe.  Birds of a feather like their flock to look like the flock. 

Because there aren’t many Metros in Santa Fe; if you’re one, you’re noticed!
And judged.
Because this particular Metro has a style all his own ---wears Color, has fun with Clothes, has Shoes to match, And a Car to match, he gets noticed.  Certainly observed.

And judged.  

Who gets to be a metrosexual and who doesn’t?
How does this come about and where does it come from?
Did your mother dress you?
When did you have a personal style? 
When did you care about how you look?
Do you care about how you look? 

Growing up in Texas…where it’s all bigger and better … and more colorful…could be a factor in the evolution of this particular metrosexual’s style.   We’re talking beaches, blue waters, sun and sand.  Beach umbrellas and beach balls.  Color. 
Color is exciting.  (Try to remember your first box of Crayons).




And Like Texas,
This metro has his own identity.





It’s an interpretation
It's an attitude.
It’s a presentation.
It’s a statement.

If you express with paints and a brush you’re an artist.
If you express with a violin you’re a musician.
If you express with food you’re a chef.

If you express with clothes and color and grooming and caring how you look, you’re a Metro! 
It’s an expression of enjoyment.

So what about birds of a feather?

For those who judge -

Why?

Just Enjoy!

Friday, December 1, 2017

Thursday, November 30, 2017

I'm Happy when I'm Missing You

So here's the Scenario for this post... or at least one Scenario.

2 People meet and for the sake of argument and the content of this post - let's just say they are 2 older people -

Why?

Because Older People have more Life Experience and Experiences.... Good and Bad.... and potentially -

More Baggage!

So these 2 people meet and right off they are all into each other and they get along and they learn about each other and things progress.

Maybe too fast - because - you see these 2 people each have their own set of Cautions and Warning Signs and Do's and Don'ts - and they ain't been around each other long enough to know what all those are and what they mean and how they affect how they feel and how they feel with each other.

So one or the other or both call a relational Time Out - a time to reflect and to perhaps "Miss" each other.

And during that Time Out - one says or texts to the other...

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You".

Now WTF does that mean?

Well - for me - it could mean a lot of things on many different levels and with many different conveyances of levels of Emotion and Emotional Commitment to the budding Relationship....

Or lack thereof.

On a more arrested and potentially negatively or dimly lit path, it could mean I'm Happy that we're not meeting, i.e. that we're missing each other - in location - or proximity - as in A Miss is as Good as a Mile.

I'm Happy when I'm Missing You could mean I'm glad we took this Time Out because I'm realizing how happy I am or happier I am without you than with you.

Hmmmm..... Now that's interesting and obviously one interpretation of this many splintered and potentially relational splintering statement.

Ok - Door #2 please.

On a more positive and obviously deeper positive emotional level -

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You"...

Could mean - It makes me happy to realize that I do actually Miss You; because that means I do have some level of Emotional Ties to You and I don't want to be done with you or undone from you at this time.

For many, who have been emotionally stagnant, dormant or damaged or at least intimately uninvolved for a long period of time, it may be refreshing and revealing to them personally to realize and acknowledge in this statement to their interested and interesting party, that they can still Feel Emotion and that Particular Emotion....

The Longing feeling One feels
From the Absence of Another
Kinda like Part of You is Missing
In the Missing Other.

Golly Wills - can't you stop the Poetry shit... I mean it's not like you're Robert Browning addressing Elizabeth Barrett Browning with a Love Letter.  Back on Point, Brittany!

It's kinda Sweet actually to be Missed and Wanted by Another.

I have often said that the Women that I am most Interested in are those that are....

Interested in Me.

That's kind of a Circular Equation with a Common Solution.

Oooh - that would make a good blog post!

Geez - Focus Wills - we're talking about Intimacy and Intimate Statements subliminally shared by Intimate or Potentially Intimate Partners.

Ok - Wills - roll out Part C.

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You"

Could mean - Wow there's a lot of you to consider and I like that.  I've seen some of you but I know there's a lot of you I haven't seen yet and that intrigues me.  So yeah - when there's a lot to Discover there's potentially a lot to Miss.

I will say I've been subject to that kind of assessment a few times - you know the whole "Onion has many layers" thing or the Iceberg effect -

What you see is 1/10
Of what's there
And more of the surface thing
And not what's under where or wear.

He's shaking his head right now.

Mmmmm - Waxing Metaphorical are you Outback?

Naaa... just calling 'em like I Seez 'em or Seize 'em or Seize-Your.

So.  #5.... What else could be meant by or what other interpretation is there of....

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You".

And yes - astute readers - I did skip #4 or D or the 4th bullet or the 4th Dimension - so just get over it cause that's the Way I Roll and We Tumble!

Speaking of Rollin', here's...

One Way I Roll....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYnFIRc0k6E

WhazzzzzUp??? Not a Limp Bizkit fan.... Ok Ok for you Limp of Limb and Gluten Free who don't want to Rock and Hip Hop, here's another way I roll!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbxuXq_981s

Yeah Yeah Yeah - Love FGL - but gotta throw in a little Cali Rap to finish the Roll at the Bottom of the Hill or at least the bottom of Hollywood.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RzgZdXV24o

So where was I - oh yeah - the 4th Dimension Interpretation of -

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You".

Probably something in the middle of all of the above and perhaps the most literal and most chosen interpretation -

I'm Happy that We feel comfortable enough with each other and that we're both mature enough with each other and ourselves individually to take a break from each other to think about and contemplate and ponder You and Me and....

What lies ahead.

How I feel about You.

How I feel about Myself with You.

How You make me Feel.

How You make me Fail.

Whoa - that was unexpected - Where did that come from Wills?

I told you I had baggage.

Geez - the Author is answering himself - that's fucking nuts or he's fucking nuts!

Let's Continue to Chase the Rabbit Alice.

What part I want You to play in my Life - (Remember the Whole Reason - Season - Lifetime thing?)

Funny how we twist words or how our words can be twisted?

And what can come of that - sometimes good but mostly bad.

And it's really not necessary because all one or the other has to say is....

"Help me understand what you mean by that."

In conclusion of this Interpretive Discussion on the Multiple Meanings of "I'm Happy when I'm Missing You", let me just say...

I love this kind of thing.

I love when a Woman talks to Me in Deep and Meaningful Ways or WordBites that Require or Solicit Thought, Interpretation, Inspiration and Discussion.

Because I value Intelligence and Communication above all things.

Yeah - I like Simple Speak too - and We will get there.

Because Language and Love and the Language of Love is not always Simple.

It Requires Time, Patience, Interpretation and Understanding to Learn and to Practice.

But I think it's worth it.

So when someone tells you -

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You"

Talk about and Discover What They Mean.

It may Surprise You -

For Worse or For Better.

Peace to, Love for, Hope and Faith in -

Those We share Our Lives AND Words With.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

People Come and People Go and Life Goes On

This is the first post to be written as a result of a demographically diverse 11 reader survey and selection from 24 possible blog post ideas / titles / topics.

Here is some data on that selection process:




























This is interesting and notable in many ways and on many different levels, perhaps, the most important of which is that this is the first time I have ever done anything like this.

Ask a group of readers to select the priority and subject matter of composition of future Post Topics through random survey.

And perhaps an Evolution, a Revolution or at least a Change in my Writing and Approach to Writing the Posts for this blog.

That being from a self-generating, self-limiting or self-induced creative process that was whim and wave to whatever thought or experience came into my mind or got in my way.

To more of an "On Demand In Demand" approach to Creative Writing.

Generating readable and interesting Intent and Content based on Reader Request.

Which maybe represents a subtle but substantial change in direction for me and this blog.

From Casual Conversation about my Life to a more Meaningful Discussion of Life Principles, Philosophy and Rhetoric that may be suitable or even marketable to a broader audience.

I've been toying with the idea of a "Discovery" book for a long time and maybe this is the Beginning of the End of that effort.

I don't know - let's take it one day and one post at a time - and see what happens and what, in the process, we....

Discover....

Together.

Which perhaps is a good segue into the beginning of the content that actually addresses the title of this post.

I couldn't write any of this or at least a significant portion of what I write without -

The People in My Life and The People that Pass Through My Life and the People that Move On.

And the Impact they have on me, the Thoughts and Emotions they Evoke and the Love, Hate, Triumphs and Tragedies I Experience with them.

A friend of mine recently sent me a YouTube video that talks about People coming into your Life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime...

https://youtu.be/SMXWh9qwGZ8

Pretty cool concept and pretty appropriate for this post.

Coincidentally, the 4th slide of this video, looks very much like a picture of St. Mary's Lake and Goose Island in Glacier National Park, which was the site of my 2nd marriage.

Oh boy, here it comes, excuse me for a minute or 30, while I go cry....

Goddammit - this collage brings back a lot of Great Memories.....























And a lot of Pain.... most of it Self-Inflicted.

But that unfortunately, administered a lot of Collateral Damage and Pain to People I Loved Most.

Yeah -

People Come and People Go and Life Goes On.

But you leave a little Piece of Life and a Piece of Your Heart and Soul with Every Person You Leave behind.

I'm really not sure where to go with this Post after that little bit of self-reflection.

So what do you do when you've stabbed yourself in the Heart or....

Someone else stabs you in the Heart....

Or the Back?

I don't know.... I don't fucking know.

I guess some of us resort to booze or drugs or food or whatever is your Self-Medicating Drug of Choice....

Or something worse.

The rest of us just Move On, perhaps in a Diminished, Depleted or Damaged State.

Suffering from Numbness of the Heart, Mind or Spirit.

Or from Delusions of what Love is or isn't and with issues of Trust or Love and Trust or with Trusting in Love.

But We Move on because for Us....

Life Goes On.

Geez - this is getting pretty fucking depressing.

Come on Wills - pick yourself up and present something of Love, Faith and Hope to your Readers....

Something befitting Some Bright Spot, Some High Note or Some Success in the Struggle with....

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Well - the Pain, Reality, Hope and Good News of the Matter is that Life does Go On.

And as long as that is true, there is Opportunity -

For Healing and Restoration - which usually doesn't happen ALONE.

It happens with the Recognition, Realization and Exploit of Opportunities - with the Risk of Failing - with the Risk of Disappointing - with the Reality of...

Sharing Your Life with Another Person and them sharing their Life with You...

For a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.

And you know what?

It works - at least for Me - taking the Risk... Seizing the Moment...

Running that Gauntlet One More Time and letting Life and Love take another whack at me.

I had this recent experience that kinda illustrates this concept.

I was riding a shuttle from Santa Fe to the Albuquerque Airport and was looking forward to a trip to Texas for Work and to visit Family.

It was a morning pick-up of the Sandia Shuttle from the Hotel Santa Fe and I got on the shuttle and sat in the front seat next to the driver and just as soon as we got going, you know me, I'm all amped up on Caffeine and High on Life in general, so I'm introducing myself to the Driver and jibber-jabbering with him and eventually, I turn around in my seat and I'm addressing the audience of fellow shuttlers and introducing myself and you know what I get which is to be expected....

Looks of bewilderment or annoyance or a polite smile from the Peanut Gallery with likely thoughts of....

I wish this Goofy Mother Fucker would just shut up and leave me the Hell alone and in peace and quiet

OR

Who does this guy think he is - God's Gift to Humanity?

OR

Ok - No more - you get the picture or the scene....

EXCEPT.....EXCEPT....

There was this lone Dissenter, in this Sound of Silence, in the 3rd row back that...

Smiled and Engaged!

Aha!!! Praise the Lord and Sound the Trumpets!!

A Fellow Rebel, A Challenger to the Doldrums, Ho-Hum and Zombie Apocalypse State of the World.

Yep - a lady who talked back.

That was back in October 2016....

And then - weirdly enough - that same Face in the Crowd of the Shuttle coming into Focus -

Was on the same shuttle in June 2017 when I traveled to Texas again.

On this occasion we were departing to different destinations from the same concourse of the airport at about the same time.

Hmmmm - what a Co-ink-a-dink!

So I followed up on the Shuttle Conversation with a text - cause of course I had gotten this lady's number after the 2nd shuttle meeting - cause I'm figuring or wondering -

Is this Chance
Or Fate and
Do I write it off as Happenstance
Or Participate?

Stop it Will-enem
This is ABQ not
8 Mile and
You are Will-i-am
Not Eminem.

Repping Rhymes and Rapping Aside - You know me - I like to tempt Fate!!!

So anyway - I'm sitting at my gate watching her sitting at her gate - Yeah - you can't make this shit up - this actually happened.

And I text her and ask "Want some company until your plane leaves?"

If surprise could be captured in a text reply "Sure!" and hope and curiosity could be implied in a glance up as I walk over, then No Doubt it was.

So we sit and talk some more until her plane leaves and I say in her departure...

"Text me when your plane lands and when you get home so I know you made it OK" and I give her a hug and a kiss.

And she did....

Kiss and Hug me back and Text me back.

And that was that.

People Come and People Go and Life Goes On.

But sometimes they Reappear.

Like when I'm sitting at the bar at LaFonda 4 months later...

Which incidentally and coincidentally - I never do - sit at the bar at LaFonda that is, or even go to the LaFonda bar that is.... except a couple of times and both of them have resulted in really incredible meetings with Women... if it happens a 3rd time (Remember my Rules of 3) -

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/search?q=rules+of+3

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2014/07/another-rule-of-3.html

Then I'm gonna start thinking the LaFonda Bar is some kind of epicenter for significant happenings in My Life or at least significant Human Encounters of the 3rd Kind - for me.

Anyway - back on track here - so I'm sitting at the LaFonda Bar and I look up and I see this same lady standing out in the hall texting...

And my first thought is - Ok Wills - do you really want to do this?  Do you want to go engage this lady? I mean - there's no way she's gonna fucking remember me or whatever - so you're just setting yourself up for disappointment - but Fuck It - I love Pain and Disappointment - I must - I mean look at my Whole Fucking Life....

So I just stride over there and say "Hi _________ - How are you doing?"

And she says "Hey William - I was just texting you!" and I look down at my Phone.....

And Smile.

So Yeah....

People Come and People Go and Life Goes On.

Parents, Friends, Family and Spouses die.

Marriages fail.

People cheat on you.

You cheat on people.

Children leave and start their own lives.

You are Alone.

Someone comes into your Life.

They leave.

You are heartbroken...

And Life goes on.

This is the Simple and Certain Circle of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

It is the Mystery, Master and Mistress of Life.

People Come and People Go....

And Life Goes On.