Searching..... Feeling..... for the Next Step

Ever get up in the Middle of the Night in an unfamiliar room?

Your mind tries to remember the orientation and direction of features and obstacles in the room.

But you're not sure.... so with outstretched arms and shuffling baby steps and an ever increasing awareness of the void of navigation and hesitancy, you grope like a de-sensed creature to some nocturnal destination.

Why not just turn on the bedside light?

Please.... No Light!

You know that blast of white light in the wide eyed vision of darkness might shock your sleep chemicaled state into one of wakeful awareness where return to restful slumber is questionable.

Kinda where I find myself right now.

Shuffling along in a dark and unfamiliar place.

Had a long time acquaintance from the gym ask me about this Altered State the other day.

This modern day secular spiritualist began with....

"William - I feel compelled to talk to you because I sense a sad darkness inside you".

Damn!  Didn't know it was that obvious.

We went on to talk a bit and she did a word association analysis of my current state of Mind, Body and Spirit.

Was actually pretty impressive and a little wicky-wacky how close she was.

I guess the Easy Smile and Happy Chit Chat doesn't fool everybody.

And besides my South American Spiritualist, there's my Marvelously Muscled Maiden of God who seeks a different direction for my downward facing soul.....

She found out this Hell Dog Bites.....

So there are People out there who care about me.....

I'm just not one of them.

So what's the Takeaway from this Random Rambling of Psychological Analysis?

Well - We all have the Inner Demons we have to deal with....

Life is Hard....

Life in the Dark is Harder....

Sometimes you have to slowly and carefully feel your way to the next room....

Nobody and Nothing to Guide You or Help You...

But Your Own Sense of Self Awareness and Direction.

Sometimes You can't make up for the Sins of the Past....

You just have to do the best you can to find your way in the dark....

Alone.