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Saturday, September 10, 2016

The Long and Short on Shorts

First of all, I'm talking about shorts you wear not some financial instrument for making money in the stock market when the market goes down.

Second, this post has been made necessary by several conversations I have had with different people on the length of my workout shorts, the last of which was my Son, who is a repeat customer at this store of observations and complaints.  And worst yet, he even drug his lovely wife into the foray, commenting that she had made the same comment about my shorts.

That they are too short.

Now let me say that I have a lot to say about this subject.

Let me first remind all the fabric length naysayers out there of the fact that they are called "Shorts".

If they aren't Shorts, then they are Longs.

I mean, come on, how can you call these knickerbocker / capri looking things that guys wear that come down to their knees or below "shorts".

They're not shorts.... they're long shorts.... which in and of itself is a nonsensical description thus rendering the physical representation nonsensical.

Shorts by their very nature and description should be short.

Now let's address the practical nature of shorts and put some specifics on short lengths.

Most of my workout shorts - Under Armour, Adidas and Nike - are 7" shorts.  That refers to the length of the leg from the inseam aka crotch.  I have some 9" shorts also, but most of my workout shorts are 7" shorts.... for a reason.  Incidentally, "running" shorts are shorter than 7" and I don't wear "running" shorts.

First off, I sweat a lot when I work out.  One of the reasons I moved to Santa Fe so I would sweat less while working out.

So ideally I want to stay as cool as possible while working out and have as little sweaty fabric clinging to me as possible cause let's face it, I don't like sweaty fabric clinging to me, so the less fabric the better.

Basically, the least amount of clothes I can wear working out, the better off I am.

Also, I have found that longer shorts when sweaty not only make me hotter (and I'm not talking that kind of "hot", I mean temperature "hot"), but the sweaty longer shorts (there's that long short thing again), actually impede my movement.... Yep the clingy fabric keeps me from bending my legs as easily during squatting, lunging or dynamic leg movements like running, jumping rope, etc.

Simply stated - longer shorts are harder to work out in.

So there's 2 really practical, functional reasons - Heat and Ease of Movement - why I wear shorter shorts.

My son and I got engaged in this short debate which was actually a long debate about a week ago and I just flat out asked him....

"What's the fucking problem with my 7" shorts?  I mean, seriously, what are my 7" shorts showing that is so revolting, repulsive or indecent besides an extra 3" of my leg above my knee?"

I mean, really, it's not like my dick is hanging out below the shorts, cause that ain't gonna happen.

And as I pointed out to him, my shorts don't show or reveal any more of my manhood than my skinny jeans which cover my whole leg obviously.

And you know what, he didn't have an answer.... he couldn't tell my why he was so against my "short" shorts.

To make this short talk even longer, I was discussing an upcoming hike that was gonna be followed by a dip in the hot springs of Ojo Caliente with a friend of mine who was going on the hike.

And she said, be sure and bring a bathing suit for the dip in the pool to which I responded....

"No problem, I'll just wear my workout shorts that I hike in".

To which she responded, "Oh no, you have to wear a bathing suit".

I said "But my workout shorts are a bathing suit... they have inner netting in them... that's what makes a bathing suit".

"Nope - Workout shorts are not a bathing suit" was her response.

And about that time, the bells and whistles started going off like when I used to have these sort of stupid arguments with my 2nd wife and I realized I was dealing with another one of those people that was....

Often Wrong but Never in Doubt.

And I just shut up.

So not only do I wear too short shorts but I don't know what a bathing suit is either.

Oh well, I guess there's more important things in life than short shorts and shorts that aren't bathing suits.

I'll focus on those things and just workout and swim in my short shorts.

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