Living in Santa Fe is kinda like landing on another planet in a lot of respects.
They had a Women's March the other day in Santa Fe to protest Trump's statements about women.
Since I hadn't kept up with the election or Donald Trump or his stance on women, I had no idea what all the hullabaloo was about so I took the time to google the subject matter and came up with this article on 18 things Trump said about women.....
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_55d356a8e4b07addcb442023
I chuckled a little bit as I scanned the list... chuckling because I agreed with about half the statements.
Not that I denigrate women in any way.
Quite the opposite - I think women are God's Greatest Creation.
And I treat them that way.
Which brings me to another point about Santa Fe and Women.
With the little bit of experience I've had in Santa Fe and with women in Santa Fe, it seems to me that a lot of the women population here is lacking some proper mannerly and manly attention.
And being the Texas boy I am, I was brought up in the culture of respect for women and all the common courtesies that go with that.
Like standing up when a lady leaves or arrives and pulling a chair out for them or opening the car door for them, buying them a drink at a social event - you get the picture.
Problem is in Santa Fe this seems to be a lost cause or at least a foreign invasion because as much money and as much culture as there is in Santa Fe, the art of treating a woman like a lady seems to have been lost.
I am amazed at how every woman I spend any time with, whether it be a first time meeting or a planned event, is amazed at being treated with a heightened level of societal etiquette and relational respect.
Where is your romance Santa Fe?
Where are the time honored traditions that no man seems to have time for or have been lost in time?
Maybe they reside in a simpler time and a simpler place a thousand miles south and east of here.
Maybe Santa Fe needs a Few More Rednecks.....
Or at least the Santa Fe women do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwvU-4e05Mc
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Starting Over by Questioning Everything!
Seems my life is becoming a Test Tube for the process of giving up and starting over.
Sometimes you have to give up on everything and start over from nothing just to appreciate anything.
https://youtu.be/l9VFg44H2z8
And as this blog and its content is clear indication of, I have found myself questioning everything about Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
My take on it so far....
Assume the World is Wrong and rely on your own wiles and wit to deal with that fact.
https://youtu.be/PbuD9_IS-og
Haven't done squats since mid November but wanted to see what the manmade left knee would do and went up to 255# for 4 easy reps.
Could've easily done 275 but thought this was a great first step for the new knee and a post April 2016 Left Knee Total Knee Replacement high.
Went on to smoke the 35# dumbbell lunges and Toes to Bar beating the closest time so far today by over a minute.
Continuing the high rate of protein intake I have been on for the last 2 months with salmon over grits with 2 eggs and 2 - 97% fat free Hebrew National beef wienies and some leftover tuna and veggies from yesterday.
The strength increase continues.
Fuck what the World wants you to Be!
What You Are and What You Become is totally up to You!
Sometimes you have to give up on everything and start over from nothing just to appreciate anything.
https://youtu.be/l9VFg44H2z8
And as this blog and its content is clear indication of, I have found myself questioning everything about Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
My take on it so far....
Assume the World is Wrong and rely on your own wiles and wit to deal with that fact.
https://youtu.be/PbuD9_IS-og
The World wants you to believe that as you get older, you get slower and weaker and more reliant on the World to support you.
Bullshit!
I am living proof that you can get stronger and better as you get older.
Haven't done squats since mid November but wanted to see what the manmade left knee would do and went up to 255# for 4 easy reps.
Could've easily done 275 but thought this was a great first step for the new knee and a post April 2016 Left Knee Total Knee Replacement high.
Went on to smoke the 35# dumbbell lunges and Toes to Bar beating the closest time so far today by over a minute.
Continuing the high rate of protein intake I have been on for the last 2 months with salmon over grits with 2 eggs and 2 - 97% fat free Hebrew National beef wienies and some leftover tuna and veggies from yesterday.
The strength increase continues.
Fuck what the World wants you to Be!
What You Are and What You Become is totally up to You!
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Vulnerability - A Word used by Women who Want to Control Men or Vice Versa
Anybody who reads this blog for very long realizes real quick that I don't make shit up.
Nearly everything I write about is real life experience or knowledge or cognitive deductions from things or people I experience.
It's been a while since I've heard the word "Vulnerable" used in a conversation with someone I had a relationship with.
And frankly, it's something my "gut brain" had a pretty adverse reaction to because the last time I dealt with a woman talking about vulnerability was about 25 years ago and that situation didn't turn out so well. I went against my own good sense and made myself vulnerable and ended up digging my significant other out of bed with her previous boyfriend.
So, in a nutshell, Me and Vulnerable don't see eye to eye.
I've encountered it a few times since then and, without exception, every time I heard a woman talk about my need to "be vulnerable", it was from a woman who wanted a man who was weak or to assume a weak position in the relationship so they could control them because that's what they were used to - either weak men or controlling men.
What does it mean to be vulnerable anyway?
See what I mean?
What man in his right mind or left body would want to be vulnerable?
And in fact, to take it a step further, anybody that knows me would never even think of asking me to be vulnerable because it is word for word, the antithesis of what I am.
I had this friend of mine talking about a friend of hers recently which she obviously admired greatly because he was going through the transition from a man to a woman - dressing like a woman, wearing make-up and hair like a woman - but still retaining all the penis-isterics, rights and privileges of a man - including being with women.
This friend of mine just kept going on and on about how wonderfully vulnerable this guy was.
First off, I had to choke down my involuntary need to puke.
After that, I had to hold back my desire to tell this lady to shut the fuck up about going on about this guy or any other guy while she was in my presence. I mean - come on ladies - and men for that matter - Rule #1 is don't make a big deal about a member of the opposite sex while in the presence of the opposite sex. At least if you want to be in their presence for long.
Finally, when I got over the revulsion of the situation being described and the rudeness of this lady on going on and on about it, I thought to myself - What a racket this guy has.... perfect fucking come-on for women.
Especially since there's a lot of gay women in Santa Fe.
Make yourself look like a woman, act like a woman, but still fuck like a man.
That way you're still available to the straight women and have a shot at the gay women too.
What a genius!
Maybe there's something to this whole vulnerable thing after all.
Hmmmm.....
Nearly everything I write about is real life experience or knowledge or cognitive deductions from things or people I experience.
It's been a while since I've heard the word "Vulnerable" used in a conversation with someone I had a relationship with.
And frankly, it's something my "gut brain" had a pretty adverse reaction to because the last time I dealt with a woman talking about vulnerability was about 25 years ago and that situation didn't turn out so well. I went against my own good sense and made myself vulnerable and ended up digging my significant other out of bed with her previous boyfriend.
So, in a nutshell, Me and Vulnerable don't see eye to eye.
I've encountered it a few times since then and, without exception, every time I heard a woman talk about my need to "be vulnerable", it was from a woman who wanted a man who was weak or to assume a weak position in the relationship so they could control them because that's what they were used to - either weak men or controlling men.
What does it mean to be vulnerable anyway?
vul·ner·a·ble
ˈvəln(ə)rəb(ə)l/
adjective
- susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.
"we were in a vulnerable position"
synonyms: helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak, susceptible
"he was scared and vulnerable"
What man in his right mind or left body would want to be vulnerable?
And in fact, to take it a step further, anybody that knows me would never even think of asking me to be vulnerable because it is word for word, the antithesis of what I am.
I had this friend of mine talking about a friend of hers recently which she obviously admired greatly because he was going through the transition from a man to a woman - dressing like a woman, wearing make-up and hair like a woman - but still retaining all the penis-isterics, rights and privileges of a man - including being with women.
This friend of mine just kept going on and on about how wonderfully vulnerable this guy was.
First off, I had to choke down my involuntary need to puke.
After that, I had to hold back my desire to tell this lady to shut the fuck up about going on about this guy or any other guy while she was in my presence. I mean - come on ladies - and men for that matter - Rule #1 is don't make a big deal about a member of the opposite sex while in the presence of the opposite sex. At least if you want to be in their presence for long.
Finally, when I got over the revulsion of the situation being described and the rudeness of this lady on going on and on about it, I thought to myself - What a racket this guy has.... perfect fucking come-on for women.
Especially since there's a lot of gay women in Santa Fe.
Make yourself look like a woman, act like a woman, but still fuck like a man.
That way you're still available to the straight women and have a shot at the gay women too.
What a genius!
Maybe there's something to this whole vulnerable thing after all.
Hmmmm.....
Monday, January 16, 2017
Paleo is the Way the Truth and the Life!
Nothing wrong with Pork Chops, Roasted Chicken and Tuna.
Been talking to quite a few people lately about the benefits of a Paleo diet and it seems there's quite a few people that are coming around to the fact that too many carbs and too much sugar is something that's not good from them.
All I know is that it changed my life for the better since I began it about 4 years ago.
I genuinely believe that you win the nutritional battle at the grocery store.
Don't buy it and don't bring it home and you won't eat it.
Of course, the positive reverse of that is true.
Give a little thought about what you should eat before you go to the grocery store and only bring home the right stuff for you and your family!
Been talking to quite a few people lately about the benefits of a Paleo diet and it seems there's quite a few people that are coming around to the fact that too many carbs and too much sugar is something that's not good from them.
All I know is that it changed my life for the better since I began it about 4 years ago.
I genuinely believe that you win the nutritional battle at the grocery store.
Don't buy it and don't bring it home and you won't eat it.
Of course, the positive reverse of that is true.
Give a little thought about what you should eat before you go to the grocery store and only bring home the right stuff for you and your family!
Here's a really quick meal of salmon, tomato, roasted chicken, wild rice, egg and a bacon wrapped jalapeno.
One of my cheap and easy secret diet weapons -
A Colossal Roasted Chicken from Smith's - $8.99 and it provides me with at least 6 meals of easy and quick protein.
Cast iron skillet grilled veggies begins with caramelized onions.
Yellow squash.
Poblano and jalapeno peppers.
Thin sliced fuji apples.
Seasoned this 1/2" thick bone-in pork chop with meat tenderizer, salt, pepper and my mix of curry powder - garam masala - allspice - cumin.
2-1/2 mins on each side and a side of wild rice warmed up in the skillet.
Paired with a Barefoot Pinot Noir and you've got a meal fit for a Paleo King or Queen!
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Friday, January 13, 2017
Finding Random Amusement in My Random Musings
Been on a tear lately with the workouts and the eating.
Getting Bigger and Stronger.
Not sure if it's the right way but for now I will keep going....
Not sure if I'll ever own another truck but if I do and it's a Chevy, it'll probably be pretty close to this one!
Got 315 on deadlifts for 5 reps which is more than I have done in a long long time.
Don't do Double Unders having to resort to 3x on Single Unders but rocked the handstand push-ups knocking out the 2 sets of 10 unbroken.
Asked BJ at Praxis where the best burger in Santa Fe was and he quickly replied -
Plaza Cafe Southside.
Have to agree that this monster was the best I have had.
Cooked medium and they actually seasoned the meat - topped with ham and pepper jack cheese and plenty of avocado, tomatoes and lettuce with a side of green chile pork stew.
I always say - I wanna be able to slurp my burger and I slurped this baby down!
Saw this bumper sticker on the drive back home and couldn't agree more.
No more "No Snowshoes" hiking for me.
Just got in my new MSR Revo Explore 25" snowshoes.
Will be trying them out on a hike in the Jemez Mtns near Bandelier Natl Monument tomorrow.
Carry on Discoverers!
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Worshiping at the Altar of William
Coming from a purported Life and Lifestyle Plagiarizer, this title of self aggrandizement (I wasn't even sure if that was a word - I had to look it up)....
self-ag·gran·dize·ment
ˈˌself əˈɡranˌdīzmənt/
noun
- the action or process of promoting oneself as being powerful or important.
but after doing so - I like the word even better - anyway - this title of self aggrandizement seems to be a little self serving vs lifestyle cultivating and definitely anti-themic from plagiarism, but I decided to go with it especially based on recent experiences.
Here's the problem - I'm finding myself reading less articles about how to live life right and thinking and writing more about how to live life right based on my own due diligence and life experimentation.
I'm listening to fewer people's opinions and forming more of my own facts and figures
The La La People in Santa Fe would say - "Oh - you're finding yourself!"
To which I say - "Oh boy - more psycho babble - WTF does that mean anyway?"
This didn't just happen overnight - it probably started about 10 - 15 years ago and has continued to ramp in quantity, quality and intensity during that time.
No secret - as a Lifestyle Promoter and Optimizer - I am continually looking for people who are doing things better, living life better, achieving greater levels of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relational and financial development.
And for the most part, it is difficult to assess how you are doing vs the Best of the Best, because frankly, you rarely come into contact with those people.
But there are benchmarks out there, both quantitative and empirical, that you can measure yourself against.
And I guess it depends on where you place importance.
For me Health and Fitness is way up there. I spend a lot of time, energy and money on being fit and not only being fit but looking fit.
Call it ego.... Call it vanity - doesn't really matter - it is important to me.
And I think it is a subtle and secret cornerstone in the altar to which I bow.
For years, my 2nd wife used to tell me.... "It's your attitude, William, you need to work on your attitude. Think positive things and your attitude will change."
I listened to her and I tried..... and my attitude never got any better.
Until I started focusing on my outer self.
Yep - totally bassackwards right?
Well - for me the attitude began to change for the better when the physical part of me changed for the better.
The change came from the outside and worked its way inside.
See how counterculture that is?
But there's actually a whole life mechanism and process behind that.
Eating better, exercising intensely, losing weight is a self-feeding mechanism that feeds the inner self too.
Balanced insulin levels, endorphins increase following exercise, metabolization of fat stores, getting out of the sugar dependence are all positive effects of the physical pursuit of perfection.
Living Debt Free - Wow there's a concept as old as our forefathers.
Can't do it these days right? Credit is a Good thing right?
Bullshit! I've been debt free for over 15 years now - and am convinced it may be the single most powerful determinant of Life Happiness.
Who ever talks about being Debt Free as an important element of life?
I do and I live it.
Moving on....
I do and I live it.
Moving on....
Question the existence of God and seek Heaven on Earth?
Oh Blasphemy right?
Not so fast there Bible Banger!
Living in a state of balance of Mind, Body and Spirit and projecting that Positive Energy and Perspective to those around you is what Jesus did.
So why not do that in your own life and let the Bible Scholars and Primetime Pastors duke it out over the inevitable outcome of man.
Just Live Your Life in Respect and Service to Yourself and Your Fellow Man and I have a feeling you'll be all right.
In summary, as I told my son the other day -
We must each seek our own path for Peace and Enlightenment.
As for me, I grovel at the feet of No Man, Woman, god or beast.
I worship at the altar of the only one I must answer to.....
And that's Me.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Fuck "Just Flow"
It's a pretty bad picture taken through my iced windshield but it's appropriate that this semi-transparent yet blurry image of a Santa Fe license plate is titled -
"JSTFLOW"
Have heard the "Just Flow" byline from several individuals in Santa Fe and heard about the concepts and attempted practice of it by many more.
First off, my experience with the hypocritical nature of this overused Bullshit Life approach simply pisses me off.
I say hypocritical nature, because the "flow-ers" (love the structural pun there) that espouse this Zen-pursuing current, are, from my experience and observation, the most up-tight, controlling, anal retentive, ADD mother fuckers I have ever met.
I genuinely look for evidence of their practice of "Just Flow" and fail to see it and would suggest they substitute the term "Just Plow" because that's what they seem to be doing to everything in their path while flowing.
The reason why the whole "Just Flow" movement is destined for stagnation is because it goes against the basic human nature and nature of nature to do exactly the opposite.
To swim upstream.... To defy the odds.... To stand up and in the face of peril or death - to raise a finger to the sky and say....
Smite me O mighty Smiter!
Incidentally - one of my favorite movie lines of all time.
Just as it is the undeniable natural instinct for a salmon to swim upstream to it's death's resting place, the survival of the fittest of our race are those that look at the slow moving current of humanity flowing past them and seek to upset that laminar flow.
"Just Cause Turbulence" is their more apt motto.
It is why I challenge my body and mind to endure colder than normal temps.
Because I know that biologically, my body adapts to this counter-intuitive challenge and ups my metabolism and boosts my immune system.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Cold doesn't make you sick..... It makes you strong!
I see the 16 other people on my hikes bundled up in $800 of North Face / Patagonia / REI multiple layers in 30 degree temps and I look down at my short sleeve cotton American Eagle Polo shirt and a pair of Swrve cycling jeans and smile while they ask me repeatedly....
"Aren't you cold?
To which I reply..... "No I'm sweating."
Flow that!
It is why in the land of Folk, Americana and Salsa music, I listen to the challenging, blood pressure raising and fist in the face music called Metal.
It is why I look at the World today and am not caught up in the petty politics of the Presidency because I know I alone am responsible for my good fortune because this is the greatest time in history to be an....
"American Capitalist"
I'm a red blooded
Rough neck
Son of a bitch
I'm a goddamned
American capitalist
I've got a kill 'em all
Give a shit
License to hate
I'm that one shot
One kill
Bringer of fate
I don't wanna believe I'm empty
And I don't want to admit I'm wrong
I don't wanna regret who I've become
(Where I belong)
I'm an American
Capitalist
American
Capitalist
Yeah war is the answer
Like I told you before
You're a coward
With no power
Just a stain on the floor
If you're a man
Be a man
Stop running your lips
Round three
No mercy
It's the way of the fist
I don't wanna believe I'm empty
And I don't want to admit I'm wrong
I don't wanna regret who I've become
(Where I belong)
I'm an American
Capitalist
American
Capitalist
I don't wanna believe I'm empty
And I don't want to admit I'm wrong
I don't wanna regret who I've become
(Where I belong)
I'm an American
I don't wanna believe I'm empty
And I don't want to admit I'm wrong
I don't wanna regret who I've become
(Where I belong)
I'm an American
Capitalist
American
Capitalist
American
Rough neck
Son of a bitch
I'm a goddamned
American capitalist
I've got a kill 'em all
Give a shit
License to hate
I'm that one shot
One kill
Bringer of fate
I don't wanna believe I'm empty
And I don't want to admit I'm wrong
I don't wanna regret who I've become
(Where I belong)
I'm an American
Capitalist
American
Capitalist
Yeah war is the answer
Like I told you before
You're a coward
With no power
Just a stain on the floor
If you're a man
Be a man
Stop running your lips
Round three
No mercy
It's the way of the fist
I don't wanna believe I'm empty
And I don't want to admit I'm wrong
I don't wanna regret who I've become
(Where I belong)
I'm an American
Capitalist
American
Capitalist
I don't wanna believe I'm empty
And I don't want to admit I'm wrong
I don't wanna regret who I've become
(Where I belong)
I'm an American
I don't wanna believe I'm empty
And I don't want to admit I'm wrong
I don't wanna regret who I've become
(Where I belong)
I'm an American
Capitalist
American
Capitalist
American
And it's why when I work out, I don't do Yoga.... I do CrossFit.
I look at all these Yoga practitioners running around Santa Fe and I just think....
Yeah I'd like to see them throw 135# over their head or suffer through a 30 min AMRAP like the one I just did.
And these Yoga heads throw back - "Yeah but you're tearing your body up".
To which I say..... "Yeah you gotta break it to build it and by the way - look at my body and look at yours."
Enough said.
In this Enchanted Land of Whatever, each day I put myself in the Zone of Discomfort and Pain knowing that this is what makes me the best I've ever been.
And if you think I'm the only one that thinks this way, here's my favorite poem on the subject for the "anti-flow-ers" to consider -
| Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920. |
| 1. The Road Not Taken |
|
Friday, January 6, 2017
The Outback Willie Guide to Compatibility
I've written about a pretty wide variety of subjects, situations and scenarios in life on this blog and touched on quite a few relational issues but with the exception of creating a checklist for the ideal woman.....
http://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/02/building-perfect-woman.html
http://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/02/building-perfect-woman-part-2.html
I really haven't delved into the complex world of compatibility.
But I decided to throw my hat into the whole world of analyzing compatibility and see what I could come up with.
Because my mind works off lists, I'll start with a list of characteristics or categories that 2 people must share or be comparable or compatible in to have a chance at a meaningful and lasting relationship and then I'll expand on each one:
Emotional -
This category encompasses so many things, it's pretty impossible to package it into a paragraph but I'll give it a try.
And let me also preface this poor attempt to define this complex characteristic with the qualification that this is probably one category where the widest range of composition and makeup coming into the relationship will not necessarily be a detriment to the relationship.
In another words, opposites attract can sometimes work in the Emotional arena.
You can get an expressive, outgoing person hooked up with a introverted, introspective person and it will work because each person sees the need to gravitate toward the other for the individual and greater good.
So the outgoing person becomes a little more reserved and the emotional hermit peeks out of their shell.
A few "intangibles" that do have to be shared on the emotional front for a successful relationship are Trust, Integrity, Patience, Tolerance and Flexibility.
And I will just speak for myself on this one and say, those people that have rigid and inflexible standards, opinions or mindsets, are not gonna be someone I am compatible with.
Communication -
You know I used to think this was the most important thing in a relationship. Being able to talk about and communicate ideas and express yourself and have your partner express themselves to you.
And it is one of those characteristics that can't exist without the foundation of other characteristics before it such as the Mental and Emotional compatibility.
But based on my experience, the success or failure of a relationship due to communication is not so much in what is communicated as it is in how it is communicated.
You can have specific feelings and ideas that you want to express to your significant other but you have to pick the right time, venue and method for communicating those feelings, else you run the risk of creating a communication and relational gap vs an exchange that will bring you closer.
And the biggest negative determinants on communication are Fear and Anger and one usually follows the other.
Fear of Rejection, Fear of Loss, Anger at being Misunderstood or Mistreated.
I can't count how many times I've had negative interactions with a significant other based on Fear and Anger.
And the Way Out of this Abyss of Emotion is as simple as saying....
"I am scared about....." or "I am upset about....." and "I'd like to talk about that".
Assumptions, Misunderstandings, Hurt Feelings, Lost Opportunities and Failed Relationships are often rooted in the inability of 2 people to effectively communicate their feelings.
Economic Status - Financial Goals, Plans and Perspectives
I've often submitted that the Root of All Evil is the Lack of Money.... Yeah that's right - the Lack of Money.
Oblivious or Rich People will say "Money doesn't buy Happiness."
To which I say - "That may be the case but it can damn sure make Life a whole lot easier while you're looking for Happiness!"
Bottom line is this - short and sweet - if a couple don't have somewhat similar perspectives on the Power and Value of Money and Managing it Properly - whether they are just dating or moved in together or in a marriage - then they ain't got a snowball's chance in Hell of making a go of it.
Social Status -
This is a tough one to define but in essence, it's pretty tough for an Uptown Girl to make it with a Ghetto Guy.
And I totally realize that your background and upbringing do not define who you are for the rest of your life.
But the environment, expectations and expressions shared, learned and exchanged in a given lifestyle do affect and define who you are and how you relate to the world and your potential significant other.
I'll just use myself and my experience as an example.
Despite my attempts at being a Gentleman and a Socially Acceptable Individual, my perspective, outlook and the way I express myself can be somewhat obtrusively direct and potentially crude and unrefined at times.
This is a product of how I was brought up and what I have experienced much of my life based on the environment I was subject to. It's no excuse - it's just a statement of experience.
Had I been brought up a different way in a different environment, my core or default behavior might be different.
And for the most part, you can tell in talking with someone for about 5 minutes how they define themselves from a social status - how they dress, their body language, their spoken language - it either defines their social status or is an expression of what they want you to think they are.
Regardless, if you find yourself feeling inferior or superior after talking with someone for 5 minutes, then it's probably a manifestation of a gap in social status between you and the other person.
I was in a recent relationship where this gap existed and despite my best efforts to shrug off the effects of it, it was something that affected the way I viewed myself in the relationship.
I felt like I had to be better than I actually was just to meet the other person's expectations of correct and right in a relationship.
This kind of relational pressure to perform beyond your natural and core characteristics creates a thick atmosphere of tension that can only be cut with crisis.
So the bottom line is be comfortable with your own status in life and seek those who are comfortable with that same status and vice versa.
It's probably ironic that one element missing from my list is the topic of Sexuality.
I guess I won't dive off into that pool other than to say that if you stand on common ground in most of the relational areas described above, then the Intimacy and resulting Sexual Experience will probably be good.
So there's my 2 cents worth on Compatibility in Relationships.
Hopefully, you can glean something of value from my opinion on the subject.
If not, then maybe it helped you start thinking about what is important to you.
Either way, it's all part of the continuing education in this class we call Life.
http://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/02/building-perfect-woman.html
http://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/02/building-perfect-woman-part-2.html
I really haven't delved into the complex world of compatibility.
But I decided to throw my hat into the whole world of analyzing compatibility and see what I could come up with.
Because my mind works off lists, I'll start with a list of characteristics or categories that 2 people must share or be comparable or compatible in to have a chance at a meaningful and lasting relationship and then I'll expand on each one:
- Physical - Looks - Face and Body
- Mental - Intelligence - Education
- Emotional - History - Attitude - Outlook - Perspective - Approach
- Communication - Quality, Quantity and Methods
- Economic Status - Financial Goals, Plans and Perspectives
- Social Status
There - that's probably enough to get a few points across.
Every dating website has an algorithm for matching up people based on a survey or data provided.
So just consider this Outback Willie's attempt in that endeavor.
Physical -
First off, understand I come from the Land of Trophy Wives - Texas - and this certainly skews the data but for the most part, this travesty of relationships is just an monetary anomaly to me. It fascinates and amazes me the high percentage of couples where the woman looks so much better than the man. Even in Santa Fe, I see it.
I can sit down anywhere - in any venue - grocery store, mall, restaurant, bar - and pick out 10 couples and in 8 / 10 of those couples, some gorgeous woman or at least obviously physically superior woman, is with some dumpy, used up, belly over the belt guy that has no business with this woman. It pisses me off that the majority of the guys in the world don't do any more with themselves physically to close the gap. And it's not just limited to the older generation.... I see it with the younger guys too.
Anyway - I'll get off my soapbox and make the relational point.
I've seen a few exceptions in my 54 years, but for the most part, for a relationship to be long term successful, the man and woman have to be pretty much comparable in looks in face and body.
If a gap exists in that department, a gap will exist between them sooner or later.
Mental -
This one kinda creeps up on you because let's face it - pardon the pun - how somebody looks is probably the first catalyst for attraction.
But when you look behind that pretty or handsome face - what's behind the mask?
Is there a brain to back up the beauty or the brawn?
In reality, the Power of the Mind is what drives everything, so if the Light is on but nobody's Home, then why knock on the door - right?
And I hate to say it and I've tried to get away from this bias, but it just proves itself over and over again.
One of the best measures for mental compatibility is education.
I know it sounds pompous and pious but the reality is that there is something about a 4 year college degree that shapes and defines a person beyond those that don't have it.
Just the self-discipline and self-sacrifice that's required to get through 120 - 150 hours of a college curriculum is enough to separate the Win - Place - Shows from the Also Ran's of the World.
And it's most likely that, if your potential significant other doesn't have a college education and you do or vice versa, then you're gonna get an education in what does and doesn't work in a relationship.
Emotional -
This category encompasses so many things, it's pretty impossible to package it into a paragraph but I'll give it a try.
And let me also preface this poor attempt to define this complex characteristic with the qualification that this is probably one category where the widest range of composition and makeup coming into the relationship will not necessarily be a detriment to the relationship.
In another words, opposites attract can sometimes work in the Emotional arena.
You can get an expressive, outgoing person hooked up with a introverted, introspective person and it will work because each person sees the need to gravitate toward the other for the individual and greater good.
So the outgoing person becomes a little more reserved and the emotional hermit peeks out of their shell.
A few "intangibles" that do have to be shared on the emotional front for a successful relationship are Trust, Integrity, Patience, Tolerance and Flexibility.
And I will just speak for myself on this one and say, those people that have rigid and inflexible standards, opinions or mindsets, are not gonna be someone I am compatible with.
Communication -
You know I used to think this was the most important thing in a relationship. Being able to talk about and communicate ideas and express yourself and have your partner express themselves to you.
And it is one of those characteristics that can't exist without the foundation of other characteristics before it such as the Mental and Emotional compatibility.
But based on my experience, the success or failure of a relationship due to communication is not so much in what is communicated as it is in how it is communicated.
You can have specific feelings and ideas that you want to express to your significant other but you have to pick the right time, venue and method for communicating those feelings, else you run the risk of creating a communication and relational gap vs an exchange that will bring you closer.
And the biggest negative determinants on communication are Fear and Anger and one usually follows the other.
Fear of Rejection, Fear of Loss, Anger at being Misunderstood or Mistreated.
I can't count how many times I've had negative interactions with a significant other based on Fear and Anger.
And the Way Out of this Abyss of Emotion is as simple as saying....
"I am scared about....." or "I am upset about....." and "I'd like to talk about that".
Assumptions, Misunderstandings, Hurt Feelings, Lost Opportunities and Failed Relationships are often rooted in the inability of 2 people to effectively communicate their feelings.
Economic Status - Financial Goals, Plans and Perspectives
I've often submitted that the Root of All Evil is the Lack of Money.... Yeah that's right - the Lack of Money.
Oblivious or Rich People will say "Money doesn't buy Happiness."
To which I say - "That may be the case but it can damn sure make Life a whole lot easier while you're looking for Happiness!"
Bottom line is this - short and sweet - if a couple don't have somewhat similar perspectives on the Power and Value of Money and Managing it Properly - whether they are just dating or moved in together or in a marriage - then they ain't got a snowball's chance in Hell of making a go of it.
Social Status -
This is a tough one to define but in essence, it's pretty tough for an Uptown Girl to make it with a Ghetto Guy.
And I totally realize that your background and upbringing do not define who you are for the rest of your life.
But the environment, expectations and expressions shared, learned and exchanged in a given lifestyle do affect and define who you are and how you relate to the world and your potential significant other.
I'll just use myself and my experience as an example.
Despite my attempts at being a Gentleman and a Socially Acceptable Individual, my perspective, outlook and the way I express myself can be somewhat obtrusively direct and potentially crude and unrefined at times.
This is a product of how I was brought up and what I have experienced much of my life based on the environment I was subject to. It's no excuse - it's just a statement of experience.
Had I been brought up a different way in a different environment, my core or default behavior might be different.
And for the most part, you can tell in talking with someone for about 5 minutes how they define themselves from a social status - how they dress, their body language, their spoken language - it either defines their social status or is an expression of what they want you to think they are.
Regardless, if you find yourself feeling inferior or superior after talking with someone for 5 minutes, then it's probably a manifestation of a gap in social status between you and the other person.
I was in a recent relationship where this gap existed and despite my best efforts to shrug off the effects of it, it was something that affected the way I viewed myself in the relationship.
I felt like I had to be better than I actually was just to meet the other person's expectations of correct and right in a relationship.
This kind of relational pressure to perform beyond your natural and core characteristics creates a thick atmosphere of tension that can only be cut with crisis.
So the bottom line is be comfortable with your own status in life and seek those who are comfortable with that same status and vice versa.
It's probably ironic that one element missing from my list is the topic of Sexuality.
I guess I won't dive off into that pool other than to say that if you stand on common ground in most of the relational areas described above, then the Intimacy and resulting Sexual Experience will probably be good.
So there's my 2 cents worth on Compatibility in Relationships.
Hopefully, you can glean something of value from my opinion on the subject.
If not, then maybe it helped you start thinking about what is important to you.
Either way, it's all part of the continuing education in this class we call Life.
Monday, January 2, 2017
In this Life of Pain - I Remember Everything!
Because 2016 was filled with so many changes, activities and first time events, it was a year to remember for me.
However, for all that is worth and all that it means, all that remains of it is in the past.
It is Ok to respect and remember your history - it is what made you into what you are today.
But it's most important contribution is to provide clarity for your future.
With each step we take, we leave behind our victories and defeats and venture into the uncertainty of the future with only the experience, the joy and the pain of past experiences to guide us.
And for me, as always, the most significant learning experiences come from my failures and of those failures, the ones that haunt me, the ones that cause me the most pain and the ones that I spend the most time agonizing over and replaying in my mind and dwelling with in my spirit are those where I failed in a relationship.
Where I see the pain, the disappointment and the negative reaction to something I did or said and I feel the pain of the pain I cause.
I can get physical injuries fixed - I have.
I can recover from financial setbacks - I have.
I can get new jobs, adapt to new environments, endure grueling workouts and deal with growing old.
But I can't change the Past.
I've felt a lot of Pain and I've caused a lot of Pain.
And I Remember Everything.
https://youtu.be/7G8QItjTSDA
However, for all that is worth and all that it means, all that remains of it is in the past.
It is Ok to respect and remember your history - it is what made you into what you are today.
But it's most important contribution is to provide clarity for your future.
With each step we take, we leave behind our victories and defeats and venture into the uncertainty of the future with only the experience, the joy and the pain of past experiences to guide us.
And for me, as always, the most significant learning experiences come from my failures and of those failures, the ones that haunt me, the ones that cause me the most pain and the ones that I spend the most time agonizing over and replaying in my mind and dwelling with in my spirit are those where I failed in a relationship.
Where I see the pain, the disappointment and the negative reaction to something I did or said and I feel the pain of the pain I cause.
I can get physical injuries fixed - I have.
I can recover from financial setbacks - I have.
I can get new jobs, adapt to new environments, endure grueling workouts and deal with growing old.
But I can't change the Past.
I've felt a lot of Pain and I've caused a lot of Pain.
And I Remember Everything.
https://youtu.be/7G8QItjTSDA
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
+of+IMG_1735.JPG)
