Discovery - One Man's Struggle with Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness...: November 2017

Thursday, November 30, 2017

I'm Happy when I'm Missing You

So here's the Scenario for this post... or at least one Scenario.

2 People meet and for the sake of argument and the content of this post - let's just say they are 2 older people -

Why?

Because Older People have more Life Experience and Experiences.... Good and Bad.... and potentially -

More Baggage!

So these 2 people meet and right off they are all into each other and they get along and they learn about each other and things progress.

Maybe too fast - because - you see these 2 people each have their own set of Cautions and Warning Signs and Do's and Don'ts - and they ain't been around each other long enough to know what all those are and what they mean and how they affect how they feel and how they feel with each other.

So one or the other or both call a relational Time Out - a time to reflect and to perhaps "Miss" each other.

And during that Time Out - one says or texts to the other...

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You".

Now WTF does that mean?

Well - for me - it could mean a lot of things on many different levels and with many different conveyances of levels of Emotion and Emotional Commitment to the budding Relationship....

Or lack thereof.

On a more arrested and potentially negatively or dimly lit path, it could mean I'm Happy that we're not meeting, i.e. that we're missing each other - in location - or proximity - as in A Miss is as Good as a Mile.

I'm Happy when I'm Missing You could mean I'm glad we took this Time Out because I'm realizing how happy I am or happier I am without you than with you.

Hmmmm..... Now that's interesting and obviously one interpretation of this many splintered and potentially relational splintering statement.

Ok - Door #2 please.

On a more positive and obviously deeper positive emotional level -

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You"...

Could mean - It makes me happy to realize that I do actually Miss You; because that means I do have some level of Emotional Ties to You and I don't want to be done with you or undone from you at this time.

For many, who have been emotionally stagnant, dormant or damaged or at least intimately uninvolved for a long period of time, it may be refreshing and revealing to them personally to realize and acknowledge in this statement to their interested and interesting party, that they can still Feel Emotion and that Particular Emotion....

The Longing feeling One feels
From the Absence of Another
Kinda like Part of You is Missing
In the Missing Other.

Golly Wills - can't you stop the Poetry shit... I mean it's not like you're Robert Browning addressing Elizabeth Barrett Browning with a Love Letter. Back on Point, Brittany!

It's kinda Sweet actually to be Missed and Wanted by Another.

I have often said that the Women that I am most Interested in are those that are....

Interested in Me.

That's kind of a Circular Equation with a Common Solution.

Oooh - that would make a good blog post!

Geez - Focus Wills - we're talking about Intimacy and Intimate Statements subliminally shared by Intimate or Potentially Intimate Partners.

Ok - Wills - roll out Part C.

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You"

Could mean - Wow there's a lot of you to consider and I like that. I've seen some of you but I know there's a lot of you I haven't seen yet and that intrigues me. So yeah - when there's a lot to Discover there's potentially a lot to Miss.

I will say I've been subject to that kind of assessment a few times - you know the whole "Onion has many layers" thing or the Iceberg effect -

What you see is 1/10
Of what's there
And more of the surface thing
And not what's under where or wear.

He's shaking his head right now.

Mmmmm - Waxing Metaphorical are you Outback?

Naaa... just calling 'em like I Seez 'em or Seize 'em or Seize-Your.

So. #5.... What else could be meant by or what other interpretation is there of....

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You".

And yes - astute readers - I did skip #4 or D or the 4th bullet or the 4th Dimension - so just get over it cause that's the Way I Roll and We Tumble!

Speaking of Rollin', here's...

One Way I Roll....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYnFIRc0k6E

WhazzzzzUp??? Not a Limp Bizkit fan.... Ok Ok for you Limp of Limb and Gluten Free who don't want to Rock and Hip Hop, here's another way I roll!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbxuXq_981s

Yeah Yeah Yeah - Love FGL - but gotta throw in a little Cali Rap to finish the Roll at the Bottom of the Hill or at least the bottom of Hollywood.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RzgZdXV24o

So where was I - oh yeah - the 4th Dimension Interpretation of -

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You".

Probably something in the middle of all of the above and perhaps the most literal and most chosen interpretation -

I'm Happy that We feel comfortable enough with each other and that we're both mature enough with each other and ourselves individually to take a break from each other to think about and contemplate and ponder You and Me and....

What lies ahead.

How I feel about You.

How I feel about Myself with You.

How You make me Feel.

How You make me Fail.

Whoa - that was unexpected - Where did that come from Wills?

I told you I had baggage.

Geez - the Author is answering himself - that's fucking nuts or he's fucking nuts!

Let's Continue to Chase the Rabbit Alice.

What part I want You to play in my Life - (Remember the Whole Reason - Season - Lifetime thing?)

Funny how we twist words or how our words can be twisted?

And what can come of that - sometimes good but mostly bad.

And it's really not necessary because all one or the other has to say is....

"Help me understand what you mean by that."

In conclusion of this Interpretive Discussion on the Multiple Meanings of "I'm Happy when I'm Missing You", let me just say...

I love this kind of thing.

I love when a Woman talks to Me in Deep and Meaningful Ways or WordBites that Require or Solicit Thought, Interpretation, Inspiration and Discussion.

Because I value Intelligence and Communication above all things.

Yeah - I like Simple Speak too - and We will get there.

Because Language and Love and the Language of Love is not always Simple.

It Requires Time, Patience, Interpretation and Understanding to Learn and to Practice.

But I think it's worth it.

So when someone tells you -

"I'm Happy when I'm Missing You"

Talk about and Discover What They Mean.

It may Surprise You -

For Worse or For Better.

Peace to, Love for, Hope and Faith in -

Those We share Our Lives AND Words With.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

People Come and People Go and Life Goes On

This is the first post to be written as a result of a demographically diverse 11 reader survey and selection from 24 possible blog post ideas / titles / topics.

Here is some data on that selection process:

This is interesting and notable in many ways and on many different levels, perhaps, the most important of which is that this is the first time I have ever done anything like this.

Ask a group of readers to select the priority and subject matter of composition of future Post Topics through random survey.

And perhaps an Evolution, a Revolution or at least a Change in my Writing and Approach to Writing the Posts for this blog.

That being from a self-generating, self-limiting or self-induced creative process that was whim and wave to whatever thought or experience came into my mind or got in my way.

To more of an "On Demand In Demand" approach to Creative Writing.

Generating readable and interesting Intent and Content based on Reader Request.

Which maybe represents a subtle but substantial change in direction for me and this blog.

From Casual Conversation about my Life to a more Meaningful Discussion of Life Principles, Philosophy and Rhetoric that may be suitable or even marketable to a broader audience.

I've been toying with the idea of a "Discovery" book for a long time and maybe this is the Beginning of the End of that effort.

I don't know - let's take it one day and one post at a time - and see what happens and what, in the process, we....

Discover....

Together.

Which perhaps is a good segue into the beginning of the content that actually addresses the title of this post.

I couldn't write any of this or at least a significant portion of what I write without -

The People in My Life and The People that Pass Through My Life and the People that Move On.

And the Impact they have on me, the Thoughts and Emotions they Evoke and the Love, Hate, Triumphs and Tragedies I Experience with them.

A friend of mine recently sent me a YouTube video that talks about People coming into your Life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime...

https://youtu.be/SMXWh9qwGZ8

Pretty cool concept and pretty appropriate for this post.

Coincidentally, the 4th slide of this video, looks very much like a picture of St. Mary's Lake and Goose Island in Glacier National Park, which was the site of my 2nd marriage.

Oh boy, here it comes, excuse me for a minute or 30, while I go cry....

Goddammit - this collage brings back a lot of Great Memories.....

And a lot of Pain.... most of it Self-Inflicted.

But that unfortunately, administered a lot of Collateral Damage and Pain to People I Loved Most.

Yeah -

People Come and People Go and Life Goes On.

But you leave a little Piece of Life and a Piece of Your Heart and Soul with Every Person You Leave behind.

I'm really not sure where to go with this Post after that little bit of self-reflection.

So what do you do when you've stabbed yourself in the Heart or....

Someone else stabs you in the Heart....

Or the Back?

I don't know.... I don't fucking know.

I guess some of us resort to booze or drugs or food or whatever is your Self-Medicating Drug of Choice....

Or something worse.

The rest of us just Move On, perhaps in a Diminished, Depleted or Damaged State.

Suffering from Numbness of the Heart, Mind or Spirit.

Or from Delusions of what Love is or isn't and with issues of Trust or Love and Trust or with Trusting in Love.

But We Move on because for Us....

Life Goes On.

Geez - this is getting pretty fucking depressing.

Come on Wills - pick yourself up and present something of Love, Faith and Hope to your Readers....

Something befitting Some Bright Spot, Some High Note or Some Success in the Struggle with....

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Well - the Pain, Reality, Hope and Good News of the Matter is that Life does Go On.

And as long as that is true, there is Opportunity -

For Healing and Restoration - which usually doesn't happen ALONE.

It happens with the Recognition, Realization and Exploit of Opportunities - with the Risk of Failing - with the Risk of Disappointing - with the Reality of...

Sharing Your Life with Another Person and them sharing their Life with You...

For a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.

And you know what?

It works - at least for Me - taking the Risk... Seizing the Moment...

Running that Gauntlet One More Time and letting Life and Love take another whack at me.

I had this recent experience that kinda illustrates this concept.

I was riding a shuttle from Santa Fe to the Albuquerque Airport and was looking forward to a trip to Texas for Work and to visit Family.

It was a morning pick-up of the Sandia Shuttle from the Hotel Santa Fe and I got on the shuttle and sat in the front seat next to the driver and just as soon as we got going, you know me, I'm all amped up on Caffeine and High on Life in general, so I'm introducing myself to the Driver and jibber-jabbering with him and eventually, I turn around in my seat and I'm addressing the audience of fellow shuttlers and introducing myself and you know what I get which is to be expected....

Looks of bewilderment or annoyance or a polite smile from the Peanut Gallery with likely thoughts of....

I wish this Goofy Mother Fucker would just shut up and leave me the Hell alone and in peace and quiet

OR

Who does this guy think he is - God's Gift to Humanity?

OR

Ok - No more - you get the picture or the scene....

EXCEPT.....EXCEPT....

There was this lone Dissenter, in this Sound of Silence, in the 3rd row back that...

Smiled and Engaged!

Aha!!! Praise the Lord and Sound the Trumpets!!

A Fellow Rebel, A Challenger to the Doldrums, Ho-Hum and Zombie Apocalypse State of the World.

Yep - a lady who talked back.

That was back in October 2016....

And then - weirdly enough - that same Face in the Crowd of the Shuttle coming into Focus -

Was on the same shuttle in June 2017 when I traveled to Texas again.

On this occasion we were departing to different destinations from the same concourse of the airport at about the same time.

Hmmmm - what a Co-ink-a-dink!

So I followed up on the Shuttle Conversation with a text - cause of course I had gotten this lady's number after the 2nd shuttle meeting - cause I'm figuring or wondering -

Is this Chance
Or Fate and
Do I write it off as Happenstance
Or Participate?

Stop it Will-enem
This is ABQ not
8 Mile and
You are Will-i-am
Not Eminem.

Repping Rhymes and Rapping Aside - You know me - I like to tempt Fate!!!

So anyway - I'm sitting at my gate watching her sitting at her gate - Yeah - you can't make this shit up - this actually happened.

And I text her and ask "Want some company until your plane leaves?"

If surprise could be captured in a text reply "Sure!" and hope and curiosity could be implied in a glance up as I walk over, then No Doubt it was.

So we sit and talk some more until her plane leaves and I say in her departure...

"Text me when your plane lands and when you get home so I know you made it OK" and I give her a hug and a kiss.

And she did....

Kiss and Hug me back and Text me back.

And that was that.

People Come and People Go and Life Goes On.

But sometimes they Reappear.

Like when I'm sitting at the bar at LaFonda 4 months later...

Which incidentally and coincidentally - I never do - sit at the bar at LaFonda that is, or even go to the LaFonda bar that is.... except a couple of times and both of them have resulted in really incredible meetings with Women... if it happens a 3rd time (Remember my Rules of 3) -

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/search?q=rules+of+3

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2014/07/another-rule-of-3.html

Then I'm gonna start thinking the LaFonda Bar is some kind of epicenter for significant happenings in My Life or at least significant Human Encounters of the 3rd Kind - for me.

Anyway - back on track here - so I'm sitting at the LaFonda Bar and I look up and I see this same lady standing out in the hall texting...

And my first thought is - Ok Wills - do you really want to do this? Do you want to go engage this lady? I mean - there's no way she's gonna fucking remember me or whatever - so you're just setting yourself up for disappointment - but Fuck It - I love Pain and Disappointment - I must - I mean look at my Whole Fucking Life....

So I just stride over there and say "Hi _________ - How are you doing?"

And she says "Hey William - I was just texting you!" and I look down at my Phone.....

And Smile.

So Yeah....

People Come and People Go and Life Goes On.

Parents, Friends, Family and Spouses die.

Marriages fail.

People cheat on you.

You cheat on people.

Children leave and start their own lives.

You are Alone.

Someone comes into your Life.

They leave.

You are heartbroken...

And Life goes on.

This is the Simple and Certain Circle of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

It is the Mystery, Master and Mistress of Life.

People Come and People Go....

And Life Goes On.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Why I like Older Women

Before I even get started on the Intent and Content of this Post, I have to present some information or data to provide context and basis or bias for it.

First off, I have only had the opportunity to meet Older Women because I moved to Santa Fe - which is like a Magnetic Mecca for Older Women... and Older People in general.

The Age Demographics or Average Age of the Population of Santa Fe IS NOT something I considered or used for in my "Data for a Future City to Move to" Selection Process when I was trying to figure out where to move to when I left the Gulf Coast of Texas.

And frankly, from the time perspective of when I made that selection, which was late 2014, I probably wouldn't have moved to Santa Fe if I had known the Average Age of the Population.

But you know what?

I'm glad I didn't know what I didn't know.

Ok, so, here's something else to consider. I've spent some time in the past trying to Confine, Define and Opine on what I'm looking for in a Woman or Women in general.... in specific.

Now - let me say right off Guys - if you want to turn a Women off OR get rid of her real quick just discuss or worse yet, send her a document(s) like the one I'm about to provide links to that outline in detail what you are looking for in a Woman. Women hate this kind of shit... so please guys - Do as I Say Do NOT as I Do!!!

I mean - Come On - it is pretty obvious to the non-emotionally engaged, non-Confirmation Biased Reader of any of these "Building the Perfect Woman / Compatibility Tests" posts that I am fucking kidding - It's all a big joke written tongue in cheek about putting together bits and pieces of physical, mental and emotional characteristics that COULD NEVER exist in one person.

And if they did exist in one Woman, that Woman would probably have some elements of Schizophrenia or Multiple Personality Disorder or ADHD or OCD or any / all of the characteristics I have been labeled with or questioned about by many.

So what does that mean - that I'm looking for a Woman like Me? Holy Shit - that's scary!

Regardless of Motivation, Intent or Desirable or Undesirable Effects or Balance of Consequences, here are the links to the referred to and much maligned posts:

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/02/building-perfect-woman.html

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/02/building-perfect-woman-part-2.html

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-outback-willy-guide-to-compatibility.html

Despite these Definitions, Boundaries and Restrictions on What I Want or What I Think I Want -

Here's the deal with Me on Matters of the Heart and Preferences of the Personal and Female Persuasion.

I keep an Open Mind.

I take in New Information, New Data and New Experiences and Reserve the Right to Change My Mind.

You know me - I'm about avoiding Confirmation Bias

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

at all costs and No Subject deserves the right to NO CONFIRMATION BIAS more than my interactions and relations with and preferences for...

WOMEN!

So here's an excerpt from the "Building the Perfect Woman" post:

Age - Hmmmm - that's a hard one cause I live, think and act younger than I am.... but kinda like color and race I really don't have a preference or bias on age other than I'm no cradle robber which probably means they gotta be older than 40 and it would be hard to believe that anybody older than 60 could meet the other criteria listed..... so maybe 40 - 60.

Well it seems like I had a set Range of Age that I "thought" was appropriate for me.

Guess what?

I was wrrrr.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbMKjLe-RFA

That whole "Fonzie never being able to say he was Wrong thing" always cracks me up and reminds me of my ex-wife.... I mean ex-wives. Well - they didn't need this humor because they were NEVER WRONG - well except when they married me.

And stop already - stop asking in your mind - I will just answer you before you ask - I have had 2 ex-wives.... 2 is plural thus "ex-wiveS".

Moving on - in Life, Relationships and Discussion of Older Women.

In short, new data and new experiences with Older Women have changed my mind.

I was WRONG!

There - I said it.

Now that we have all the introductory bullshit out of the way, let me tell you why I like Older Women:

First -

They are available!

And that has more than one meaning for me and especially in Santa Fe.

First of this First - they are available - because they are Older Women and retired and have that ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL ELEMENT to building a relationship.... or at least having fun.... and that is TIME!!

Fuck - they're Retired. They got nothing to do besides hang around with their other Female Friends, do Yoga, take a Hike and dance at El Farol on Tuesday nights.... Hang on - that's a lot to do already!

Oh yeah and sit around and think about Men and how Time is Ticking away and they need to make the most of what they have left - which includes having a Man in their Life.

It's so funny because I find myself hearing the same line / complaint from some Older Women all the time...

"Santa Fe has so many more Women than Men. It's like 8 to 1. It's hard to find a Good Man in Santa Fe".

This makes me laugh cause I'm not sure these women that say this are very Maze Bright because they're standing there talking to an Eligible, Ready and Willing Man and lamenting that there are No Good Men around.

WTF?

Needless to say, the Older Women that say this fall off my Radar Screen pretty quick.

So I guess there are 2 elements of Availability of Older Women in Santa Fe that make them Attractive to Me -

Retired and Ratio (of Older Women to Older Men),
i.e., there are lots of them and the competition is thin.

Geez - did you just BustARhyme Will-i-am!!!

Ok - What's #2 Wills?

Well - they are Gorgeous, Fit and Sexy.

Yep - You heard me right. I have met more 65+ and 70+ Women in Santa Fe that look like they are 50 to 55 minus than I can shake a stick at.

And yes - they actually look better than most of the Women I meet that are my age. I'm not sure of why this is other than when you delve into it - which I am apt to do in anything that interests me - you find out that these Older Women are Young Warriors in Body, Mind and Spirit.

They practice Self-Discipline in their Eating and Drinking Habits, their Activities, their Workouts and their Physical, Spiritual and Mental Quests for Excellence.

They not only Want to Be Healthy and Look Good BUT also take Actions and Put Significant Effort into the Practice and Application of Being Healthy and Looking Good.

And let me tell you something folks - that is the Sexiest Fucking Thing to Me there is. Well maybe the 2nd or 3rd Sexiest Fucking Thing - more on this subject later.

And Speaking of Fucking....

Ok - Ok already - I'll keep this post R-rated vs X-rated and move on....

So what else.

Almost all of the Older Women I have met in Santa Fe are Highly.....

INTELLIGENT!!

Ok - that is the #1 Sexiest Fucking Thing to Me because I'd rather Fuck a Beautiful Mind than a Beautiful Body anyday but Hell - like I said - you get Both with these Older Women in Santa Fe.

I mean, it never ceases to amaze me - I start talking to these Older Women and they either have Great Educations or Great Vocations and / or both and they know about Art and Literature and History and Politics and Project Management and Diet and Nutrition and Exercise and Philosophy and Spirituality and Oh my....

My Heart, Mind and Body, collectively, just Swoons at their feet and I find myself looking up to them like Goddesses of Truth and Knowledge....

and I grovel at their feet.

Well - not really - most of my groveling occurs about halfway up....

Ok - there's that R vs X thing again.... keep it together Wills - but I'm just saying. It goes back to that Younger Body - Older Woman thing.

What else?

Oh yeah - they are COMMUNICATIVE!

There's that #2 Priority right there - right after Intelligence.... Communication.

They like to Cuss and Discuss - I'm sorry - let me digress a minute. This is gonna sound Weird.

I like it when Women cuss - and I don't mean Gutter Cussing - I mean Intelligent, Discussion-based Cussing. I think it's as sexy as a Perky Nipple. So here's my take on....

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/09/women-and-cussin.html

Anyway - where was I? Oh yeah.... Communication and Older Women.

Maybe I selectively weed out the Talkers from the Non-Talkers as far as Communication goes or maybe my own Penchant for Communication sends the non-Talkers Walking - I don't know - but what I do know is that the majority of the Older Women I meet like to talk.... and listen....

And that is a Very Cool and Sexy Thing to me.

And maybe it's because they are Older Women that they like to and want to communicate. I kinda think it's conjugally linked to the whole Intelligence and Tenure thing.

These Women are Smart and they've Lived Life..... Longer than a lot of People, tragically in some cases.... Longer than their Husbands and Realistically and to My Point and Reference to Preference....

Longer than Me.

Which brings up my Final Point on Why I Like Older Women....

They are WISER than Me.

Yep - that combination of the Zest and Zen for Life, the Pursuit and Capture of Youth at an Older Age, the Intelligence, the Independence, the Attitude and the Desire and Ability to Communicate and Relate ALL OF THAT Contribute to that Undefinable Attribute we refer to as....

WISDOM!

And if there is One Thing I Lack and Seek in this Life it is....

WISDOM.

wis·dom

ˈwizdəm/

noun

the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.

synonyms: sagacity, intelligence, sense, common sense, shrewdness, astuteness, smartness, judiciousness, judgment, prudence, circumspection; More
the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment.

"some questioned the wisdom of building the dam so close to an active volcano"

synonyms: sagacity, intelligence, sense, common sense, shrewdness, astuteness, smartness, judiciousness, judgment, prudence, circumspection; More

the body of knowledge and principles that develops within a specified society or period.

plural noun: wisdoms

"the traditional farming wisdom of India"

synonyms: knowledge, learning, erudition, sophistication, scholarship, philosophy;

lore

"the wisdom of tradition"

Yep - I want all of the above.

And that's what I seek and why I seek it and find it and learn it from....

Older Women.

There's a lot more to this Continuing Saga and Journey of Why I like Older Women than meets this post or my eye or hand or any other part of my body, and I realize I am just getting started in this New and Welcome Relational Detour in Life.

And who knows....

Maybe it's not a Detour at all.

But just part of a New Path of...

Discovery.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Better Will Hunting - A Different Kind of Thanksgiving Message

The post title is obviously plagiarized from the movie "Good Will Hunting" that portrays Matt Damon as a young man with an unpromising past but a bright future as a result of his incredible math genius talent discovery by a Teacher that becomes Mentor played by Robin Williams.

In a nutshell, Robin Williams convinces Matt Damon to leave his bar busting, fighting, dead end life and seek and fulfill his true potential as a Math Prodigy and Future Genius.

In essence, Matt Damon becomes a better version of himself as a result of subjecting himself to and accepting the recognition, environment and encouragement of someone who, despite his rough exterior and questionable past, supports and believes in him.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Will_Hunting

I have found this similar association, seeking and finding to have had and continue to have a tremendous and continuing positive effect and direction for advancement in my life.

Here are a few examples of this phenomenon.

A few years ago, I began to realize that my life required some changes for the better and I began focusing on the physical side of myself and part of that revolution and evolution was my association with CrossFit or CrossFit style workouts, philosophy and programming.

When I left Lake Jackson TX and moved to Santa Fe NM, I needed to find a new "Box" to work out in and I found Zia CrossFit which later became Praxis. There were other options and other approaches and other Coaches and Staff, but after test driving a few, I settled on Praxis.

thepraxislab.com

And I look back at that decision and where it has brought me to this point in my Life and I ask why - why did I make that selection?

The short and obvious and more surface answer is - I wanted to get better - physically. At least, that's what I thought my reasoning was.

But as I spent Time and Effort with BJ Monger, the Praxis Owner, and his Staff - which encompasses a horizon to horizon diversity in personality and presentation but with the Common Purpose set forth by its Leader, I found a different purpose....

Increase Strength and Physical Performance through a Family Environment that learns, recognizes and highlights the Individual through Caring and Customized Programming to -

Make a Better You!

Not Change You, Not Convince You, Not Coerce You but.....

Challenge You, Understand You, Appreciate You, Enhance You, Encourage You....

To Be a Better You!

It never ceases to amaze me when I invite friends to witness or participate in a workout or gathering or event at Praxis - the first thing they say is -

"Wow! I was expecting to see a bunch of really muscular and ripped athletes - but everybody here just looks like ordinary people. And they have their wives and husbands with them and they are working out together and they have their kids with them and it's like a big family reunion".

To which I respond -

"Yep. That's how Praxis is. It's a Family of Ordinary People doing Extraordinary Things!"

Recently, I participated in a Partner in-house Competition at Praxis. My partner and I reviewed the 3 Workouts for the competition and I kinda let my Ego get the best of me and I convinced my partner to do the Men's Rx Competition. After reviewing our competition, we set our resolve to Win....

By not coming in Last!

Yep - Winning for Us would be to Not Finish Last!

In summary, we didn't Win, and for me, it wasn't exactly Fun, but the Effort and Result represented My Desire to Challenge Myself and My Partner to Participation and Performance that was frankly beyond our Muscle and Means.

In the course of the 3 Workout Competition, both me and my Partner experienced physical setbacks but the desire to Finish and not let each other down, kept us going.

And in the end analysis, looking back on it - I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Because the Experience, which is a kind of Culmination and Summary of my experience with the whole Praxis Family approach to Physical Fitness, changed Me....

For the Better.

2nd Case in Point -

I've been doing Independent Contracting for this One Company and One Guy for almost 10 years now.

It's a Mid-Level Industrial Specialty Service Company that is run on the smallest staff I have ever seen for a company of its international and domestic footprint and revenue.

The Owner and Chief Architect of this Corporate Structure is a Man of Unwavering and Consistent Personal High Expectations and Performance. He expects, practices and demonstrates that daily performance for himself and encourages and exacts that same performance from his Family of Employees.

And I use the word "Family" exactly as it connotates except that in this case - he did pick his Family.

He reviews, records and recruits the Best of the Best into his Family Enterprise.

And the Components of his Corporate Construction serve as Iron sharpening Iron.

Design and Project Teams come together and borrow off of each other's Expertise and Experience to put together better Proposals and Project Packages and then Execute the Plans in the Field with continuing support from the Project Team Members.

Turnaround Time is Fast. Plans and Schedules are detailed with Contingency Plans and Cost Estimates to include the inevitable Discovery Items. Follow-up and Follow-through on Client and Customer Concerns is built into the Work Process and the Team Dynamic.

This Guy has built a Better Mousetrap and Corporate Environment by selecting Better Individuals and making them Better...

With other Better Individuals.

And this Experience and Association has made me....

A Better Will.

Finally - I have met several individuals in Santa Fe that have inspired, encouraged and actively involved themselves in helping me become a better version of myself.

I guess I'd have to say that when I came to Santa Fe nearly 3 years ago, I was kinda beat up from Life or maybe I had beat myself up in Life or I had got the beating I deserved from Life.

I guess I had shut down. My Zest for Life was actualized through my Intense Workouts and the Resulting Physicality that Presented...

But my Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Being was kinda Dead or at least Dormant.

I don't know and I guess it really doesn't matter where I was 3 years ago - in physical location or Life Path.

I'm pretty selective with Who I spend Time With because Frankly and Sadly, most of the World's Life Participants don't Inspire Me and have little or no impact on my Life or Well Being.

But every once in a While, someone comes along that piques my Interest and my Inspiration.

And that's kinda what has happened this year and it's really pretty unexpected and hard to explain.

I think it began with a realization that I was pretty out of balance - I was emphasizing and prioritizing the Physical too much at the Expense of the Rest of Me and a Pretty Hefty Payment in Pain which precluded me from exposing myself to the World and the People in it.

So I guess around the August - September time frame I resolved myself to an Experimental Period of coming out of my literal and figurative Cave and emerging into the Light of Life and the World and the People in it.

And an extraordinary thing happened.

I found special people and they found me.

And those experiences began a Renaissance of a Renaissance Man.

Where Balance was restored and....

The Physical fed the Mental and

The Mental fed the Physical

And Both fed the Emotional

And the Spirit was fed by All.

The Right Brain of Creativity raced with the Left Brain of Cognitive Reasoning and they both excelled way beyond what I thought capable at 55 years of age resulting in Better Work Results, Better Relationships and Better Recording of Thoughts, Emotions and Experiences.

Sometimes it's a Struggle to put aside the Emotion and Spirit of my Right Brain and focus on the Logic, Organizing and Parallel and Series thinking of my Left Brain but what I have found is that it is essential to let both have their way for one enhances the other.

My Creative Writing is better because of the Structure and Discipline of my Work Process thinking.

And my Work Process thinking is afforded "Outside the Envelope" latitude and problem solution and my results and presentation are influenced and enhanced by the Creative Process of telling the Technical Story with a Creative Twist.

In short and in summary....

Because of the Special People and Circumstances I select for my Life and the Experiences I have with them -

I am the Best I have ever been but....

I'm still not Good Enough.

I am thankful for being a better Person than I used to be.

And I am most Thankful for the People who have helped me attain this Higher Plane of Existence on the Road to....

Discovery.

I am always and will always be seeking the Better Person I can be while I am....

Better Will Hunting.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

I Write You Poems.... And You Just Say Good-bye

I Wondered and I Pondered
At the end
Of each new day
Until the Wondering became Wandering
And I had Lost My Way.

I looked to the Stars above me
And asked them "Why don't You Love Me?"
And found that with each day's passing
What the Day was lacking
Was the Touch of Your Hand on Me.

I smiled at the Sun
As it slipped away from Me
And when all the Days are Done
With the Final Settling of this Son
All they will do is cover me
And say the words in Eulogy
The will of Wills is at the End
Of His Day of Discovery.

And as Life throws its Dirt over Me
On My Last Day of Discovery
I Wonder
Then I Ponder
What New Life will Become of Me.

I thought I needed a Little Collaborator
As my Life's Fabricator
So I gave my Life to You
I made a Wife of You
I wrote You Poems...
And You just said Good-bye.

So many nights I hung above Her
Trying to be her Best Lover
But it was a Finish before the Start
Because My Lover I Suffer
From Numbness of the Heart.

You call me Gay
Because that's the Only Way
To show Who I Am
And How I Am
To the World Around Me
And Those that Down Me.

You are My Black Hole
And I am Your Super Nova
So when I pass over
The Stars cry for us
On our Journey to the Nebulus.

I was hanging by the thread between us
That's what everybody said when they seen us
I knew I was from Mars and You was from Venus
But that didn't matter
When I came into Your Planet
And You came on my Penis.
But I knew that it was Over
When You called Me Lover
The Day I wrote You Poems
And You chose Another.

So now I feel my Life is Moot
Wearing the same old Starched Suit
With Pen and Paper by my bed
I write these thoughts of You
That fill my weary head.

I decided to turn my Short for You
Into a Long for Me
But realized real quick
We ain't on the same Journey
And that Love ain't Fair
And its Fare ain't Free
But You looked at Me
And said - What do I see
But a Dirty White Boy
With a Dirty White Boy Fantasy.

Just Like My Life
My Thoughts ain't Easy
And sometimes Sleazy
With a little Tap to my Rap
And the right words Missing from My Melody.

Yep - My thoughts are Flyers
That turn into Liars
So that when I sleep
I awake from the deep
And make love with my Admirers.

I don't know where to go
When there's no way to flow
So I stand in the street
With my face to the heat
And just know that I don't know.

She told me - I don't want your Love
I just want your Money
I lived with your Pain
And let me tell you Honey
That the Mean of Living with You
Ain't worth the Meaning of Loving You.

So I turned to her in bed and said
I think Baby that perhaps and just maybe
You missed the Part from the Start
That You would Part from my Heart
And leave Me with just Me
Standing and Stranding Abandoned.

It's OK - I wrote this script
From a Tragedy that was ripped
From a Book of Love and Pain
And a Mind so Muttered and Cluttered
That the Only Hope was the Dope
That all the Soap would Clean the Stain.

And after all the Chatter, it really doesn't Matter
Why I don't come and you come first
For who is first is not who's worst
Cause it's not what counts when the bed goes bounce
But that One's still in Love when the Other leaves town.

So when you forgot me after you rocked me
I knew it was best after the test
We talked the day and you walked away
Leaving me Alone with my own Bone
I thought that You loved Me
But You had your own Recovery
On the Road to Discovery.

Is there longing after leaving
After pleasing in the season
Then it's all good between you and I
When I wrote you poems
And you said good-bye.

You know I keep to myself
Cause it's best for my health
For when One becomes Two
Then Red turns to Blue
And Past becomes Prologue
When this Act is through.

You say You're such a Nice Guy
A Clean and Funny White Fly Guy
I really think you're Gay
But I'll Fuck You anyway
Yeah I know You Don't Care
Because Life ain't Fair.

So when the Friendship ends
And the Love begins
You'll remember what I told you
That I didn't want to hold you
Because I knew the Heat between us
Would leave with that Cold You.

I gave you my Time and I gave you my Rhyme
And you gave me What? when you were leaving
I saw it coming before you were going
Because between all the hard crashing and all the easy flowing
There was just Me and You and only You was knowing
That my Crazy Past would never let things last
But was you looking at my Past or just looking at my Behind
That Tells the Time
Of a Man in a Shell that's been through Hell
Left with Nothing but Scars
And Wounds that won't Heal
So when you act on what you feel
And you tell me that it's Real
Just understand that for Me to be Your Man
You'll have to have Walked where I Walked
To Stand where I Stand.

And all I ever wanted
Was to write you poems
And for you never to say Good-bye.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

A Message to Maryland

Good Morning.

I wanted to share some thoughts with you this morning and they may eventually find themselves in a post (and they did obviously).

In the aftermath of extraordinary events in my Life, I like to take time to ask -

Why?

Why did this happen to me?

Why did You come into my Life?

And sometimes the answer to Why is less important than what happens during the event or the outcome or where you end up in your Life after the event has concluded.

And what happened during the event was Incredible, Spontaneous and Unexpected -

Friendship, Companionship, Commonality, Conversation, Fun and Intimacy.

And where did I end up after experiencing this?

On a higher, more fragile plane of Appreciation of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

You brought me out of a Cave of Isolation with your Consistent Desire for my Company.

You Will'd me into being Wills again.

A more fun-loving, easy going guy that laughs more and cries easier and Lives and Loves Life -

And the One he is with....

With passion.

And thinks more and writes more about what he is thinking because there is suddenly more to Think About.

And while we are nearly 2000 miles apart, I am in a better place now....

Because of You.

Thank You Maryland!

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Food Prep’g and Eating for the Wade’s Army Fight against Neuroblastoma Competition at Praxis

1st meal of the day.

Stacking some big protein in with veggies and fruit and a little fat.

Beginning the prep for tomorrow's Wade's Army Support the Fight against Neuroblastoma competition at Praxis.

http://thepraxislab.com/

Grilled Ahi Tuna with a side sauce of honey mustard, sour cream, balsamic, olive oil, kikkoman and Worcetshire, butternut squash, kale, fruit salsa, grilled pineapple and a Super Salad.

It was a 1.2# tuna fillet so will eat half now and half for supper.

I haven't eaten until 3 - 4 the last 2 Days. Wanted to lean down a little for the competition.

And yesterday all I ate was 2 salads and a 3 oz piece of pork sausage.

So how do you balance lean with strength and endurance calories before a competition?

Don't know - never done it before.

But I want to err on the side of looking good vs being good.

With that said, I'm actually carb pre-loading a bit having restricted myself on carbs for the last couple of days. I will have rice, sweet potato and the rest of the butternut squash tonight which has lots of good slow release carbs.

This should fill my liver and muscles with glycogen and I will eat again in the morning before the comp.

My muscles should look full and be full and ready when we start doing the WODs.

So that's the logic.

Leftovers for the evening meal.

And the link to the Wade's Army website for more information.

https://www.wadesarmy.org

Donate if you can and come by and watch and support the athletes and support the cause at Praxis tomorrow.

Call us: 505-699-8856

Address: 3221 Richards Lane, Suite B, Santa Fe, NM 87507

First heat starts at 9:00 am.

It'll be a great opportunity to see other people experience a lot of Pain and Suffering!

So Wills - what's your prediction for the competition?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSPNQ82Sq4E

Hope to see ya there!

You never know if you've gone too far..... Until you go too far!

The title for this post came to mind as I was hesitating hitting the "Post" button on a Facebook post containing the link to my latest Discovery post - a personal expose' on "Talking Dirty".

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2017/11/talk-dirty-to-me-discussion-of-language.html

But it brings to mind several life circumstances and events and the general perspective of how I am and how I want to live my life.

People who play it safe in life, who keep their self-humoring comments to themselves, who don't say something for risk of it being taken the wrong way, comedians or commentators who keep to the safe subject matter, CrossFit athletes who always properly pace themselves or "scale down" their workouts to weights they know they can handle....

Cannot identify or experience the practice or reality of taking things too far.

Red-lining, going over the edge of the acceptable and the attainable, saying or doing that which garners crowd appreciation vs raised eyebrows and a turn to the back.

What are Limits? What are appropriate boundaries? How do you know what the Limits are until you violate them?

Like an Olympic Downhill Racer going for Gold - sometimes you have to take your own Performance beyond your Practice.

You have to reach for something that is beyond reach.

Where you know the Risk of Failing is greater than the Reward of Success.

Yeah - like another recent post explains, I do tend to take things to Extremes....

https://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2017/11/geez-wills-why-do-you-have-to-take.html

It's a Natural Tendency for me but it's my little feeble attempt at making my mark on the World.

I don't want to be thought of as someone who plays it safe, who always does the Right thing.

I also don't want to be known as Reckless, but to approach Life with an Intent and Intensity that makes the People around me take notice and perhaps think -

I don't want to be like that guy.

He takes things too far.

Because I guess, in the end analysis....

Too far is the wrong place for most people -

And the Right Place for Me!

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Fuck How You Feel.... Lift Heavy Anyway!

Let me give you a quick set-up on the inspiration for this post title.

I was at Praxis - my preferred Daily Torture site - working my way through a long and varied workout having done a variety of pullups, pistols, snatches and squats and I had one little segment of the workout left -

2 - 400m sprints with a run-time rest period between the 2.

My favorite blonde Amazon (besides my daughter who this lady looks just like which is kinda freaky) was there at the Box displaying her own Strength and Kick-assedness.

In fact, when I was doing by back squats, which culminated with 3 sets of 5 with 245#, she complemented me on one of the sets saying....

"That was a good set... Yeah - 245# is my max".

That pretty much tells you something about this lady right there.

So anyway - I was bitching about the fact that I needed to do the 2 - 400m sprints and had pretty much resolved not to do them and had told my fair-haired Strong Woman the same. In fact, I had gathered my workout shit together and was about to leave.

But then that nagging little fucker on my shoulder was whispering in my ear....

"You wimpy little crybaby. Just quit your bitching and finish the workout Old Man".

So I gathered up what was left of my pride and rep'd out the 2 rounds of 400m, actually doing pretty good with 1:55 and 1:50 respectively, sprinting the last one in and then spending a minute or 2 hands on knees gasping for breath.

During which time, the Blonde Bombshell gives a little exhortation saying....

"Way to Go. Way to finish the Workout. Fuck How You Feel... Just Do It".

Of course, my head came up and between the gasps of oxygen deprivation, I panted "That would make a great blog post. Thanks for the idea."

In the ensuing conversation on the topic, she added the "Lift Heavy Anyway" conclusion to what is now the title of this post giving it a "Workout Only" slant as opposed to just "Fuck How You Feel" which is obviously politically incorrect and pretty insensitive.

Or is it?

I remember conversations with my first wife that give me inspiration to explore this little avenue of emotion.

Many, many times in points of contention, I would hear the much used and abused following...

"You just don't understand my feelings."

Which, in Time and Retrospect, could be translated as...

"I can't Manipulate You into doing what I want You to do, so I'm gonna play the 'You don't respect my feelings' card".

And at the Time and in Retrospect, I wish I would have responded....

"Fuck Your Feelings. I'm doing the best I can to make you happy and provide a stable and supportive environment for you and our child so just get over it".

Yeah I understand - Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

And the Language of Life and Love is different for the 2 Planets.

But in the end analysis, after all the Falling in Love, Emotion, Fucking and Tender Heart shit is over and done,

Love is a Decision.

It's a Decision to compromise, sacrifice and to put yourself into a state of discomfort for the one you Love.

Love is Work....

And a Workout.

Guys - it's NOT sitting on the Couch watching the Game, while your Wife cleans up the kitchen or bathes the kids.

Gals - it's giving your Man that Blow Job even when you're tired and not because he deserves it but because that's the Language of Love for a guy.

Love is sprinting those last two 400m of the Workout even when you're done with this shit.

And showing up the next day to do it all over again.

Monday, November 6, 2017

Geez Wills - Why do you have to take Everything to Extreme?

Not really sure.... probably a shrink question.

It's kinda always been that way.

Part of it is a drive to do things right.

Back in the old days when I was growing up, it was a compliment to be called a "Perfectionist".

Because it meant you cared about what you did, about the results and outcome and the quality of workmanship.

Now it's a goddamn sign they hang around your neck in the Time of "If you can Name it, You can Tame it".

Psychiatrists, Counselors and Lazy Fuckers look at people like me who sweat the details and push the envelopes of Time and Performance and Thinking and throw out Catcalls like "OCD, ADD...."

To which I respond FU.

Yeah - I'm an Extremist and proud of it.

I'm getting ready for a little in-house competition at Praxis - www.thepraxislab.com - this coming Sunday, 11/12.

Incidentally I kinda like the URL "thepraxislab" like we're fucking experimenting on normal human beings to turn them into some kind of superhuman deviants. Yeah I like that. Extreme.

Here's some more Extreme shit from Praxis.

http://thepraxislab.com/new-kick-ass-programs-coming-soon/

And part of that "getting ready" for the upcoming competition is practicing.... which is kinda what Praxis is all about. Actually doing shit to get better.

Guess that's more of that Extreme shit.... practicing to get better.

Yeah ADD label throwing fuckers, take a bite out of my Extreme Ass.

So Monday's Workout was something like this...

My normal warmup -

Leg and Calf Stretches
Left Leg Calf Raises - 50 reps 2 sets - to try to get my left calf - the one that is attached below my Left Knee Replacement - up to speed with the God-given Right Knee and Calf. Hmmm.... doing a CrossFit competition with a Fake Left Knee - Yep... more of that Extreme shit piled higher and deeper.
4" PVC pipe and LaCrosse Ball Active Release - showed a friend of mine this little ditty and she liked it.
3/4" PVC pipe shoulder mobility exercise
50 PVC Overhead Squats
50 Push-ups (thanks Rod and Crew for making sure I do them right with complete range of motion)
10 Ring Rows
10 Hanging Scapular Retractions
15 Hollow Position Strict Pullups

Yeah - Santa Fe Yoga Vegan people - that's my warmup.... Try that on for size on your no weightlifting "I'm gonna live forever", I can't see you when you turn sideways bodies.

Oh I'm sorry - did I denigrate.... Please forgive me.... NOT!

And the Extreme warmup continues.

3 rounds of shoulder work of 10 Reps of each arm with 5, 10 and 15# dumbbells of:

Front raises
Side raises
Rear raises
Presses
Curls

Then a buildup of weights for warmup for the Competition's 1st WOD with 20, 30, 40, 50# dumbbell.

Then a practice run for the 1st WOD.

Did 2 rounds of the:

11 one arm Snatches with a 50# dumbbell - 5 reps with the Left arm, 6 with the Right.

12 one arm Thrusters with a 50# dumbbell 6 and 6 on left and right respectively.

11 chest to bar pull-ups

With a 2 Minute hold of a 35# plate overhead between rounds 1 and 2 and after round 2.

Then bench press max practice.

Bar - 10 reps
95# - 10
135 - 10
185 - 6
205 - 5

205# for 5 reps suggests a 235 or 245# max which is pretty good for me after all the shoulder work and WOD 1 practice.

Yeah - all you Young, Strong and Chestless - the Old Man can put up some weight on the bench press so bring your A-game, your Bra and whatever else you need.

Tanned on the way home - Yes I tan so all you "Oh you're gonna get skin cancer" peeps can just hold your applause - I wanna look good, I don't care when I die - hopefully it will be before 70 so just STFU.....

And then home and fixed a max out post workout meal.

Blackened pork chop and pan grilled Fuji Apple and sunflower honey bread with butter with condiments of honey mustard, Thai chili sauce and sour cream.

Bowl of homemade chicken soup with jasmine rice.

Bowl of stacked salad.

Creatine - protein drink.

Did I eat everything in the pic?

You fucking-A right I did.

Because there's this little thing that turns into a bigger thing - No I'm not talking about my dick - I'm talking about HYPERTROPHY!!

The Precept, Concept and Cornerstone of HYPERTROPHY is that you Lift Big and you Eat Big to Get Big!

Kind of Extreme - right?

Yeah - especially at 55.

Who wants to gain Lean Muscle Mass and get Bigger and Stronger at 55 years of age?

This Extreme Mother Fucker is raising both hands right now and saying "Sign me up Coach and put me in the Game!"

Will I eventually Crash and Burn in a Ball of Fire?

I sure as Hell Hope so.

Cause it damn sure beats Fading Away.

Extreme?

I guess - If the shoe fits wear it....

And I got 'em on both feet.