I was trying to remember the inspiration / situation for the title of this post and I think it was another one of those past random conversations I had with the Blonde Bombshell at Praxis. I think we were both bitching about not wanting to do our own respective workouts and she uttered that magnificent one liner that provides the title to this post.
But frankly, there's a lot of situations in life that pose that internal and external struggle, that is, doing What You Have To vs What You Want To.
But I want to stay practical and functional on this post and relate a few experiences from my own life which can be summarized in the following 2 categories applicable to "Have to vs Want to":
- Educational / Vocational
- Relational
From my own experience and through observation of others, I have found that a lot of situations of Have to vs Want to originate with Financial Security / Independence. I mean - let's face it - you gotta make a living right?
And here's the little trick that so many people miss and / or that so many parents don't share with their kids and I'm going to Red Bold this concept / statement for importance.
You have to match your education and the resulting career / vocation with an income and long term earning potential that will support the kind of lifestyle you want to live.
And that requires someone in the process to know about how much it costs to live - which implies or actually specifies - that someone has made out a projected budget or has some general rules of thumb on cost of living.
For example, I know that for a single, young person to live in today's world and have their own apartment / house / place to live, a decent car / transportation, adequate medical insurance, decent food and supplies, pay the utilities and the cell phone bill, have TV and cable, have any kind of leisure activities / entertainment and going out to eat AND putting money into a retirement fund (401k, 403b, IRA, etc) - blah blah blah - yes, I'm listing all the items in a budget - it takes between
$60000 - $70000 per year in gross income minimum!
And I'm talking in a "non-inflated area" for real estate / rental / cost of living so this doesn't apply in New York, Boston, San Francisco, etc.
Because when you take out Income Tax (18 - 25%), Social Security (7.65%) and Medicare (2.2%) and potentially state income tax (depending on where you live and work - another 8 - 10%) and at least another 10% into savings, you're left with around $32500 net based on $65000 gross.
And that's only $2700 per month - which sounds like a lot of money but ain't jack shit when you look at the cost of housing, car payments and medical insurance these days - just to name 3 of the biggest budget outlays.
I mean you gotta look ahead at the time period for actually working which is say, 30 - 40 years, and then the time period after you quit working and make sure that whatever work or vocation you're considering doing at age 20 - 25, matches up income-wise so that you can do a few things you want to do while you're doing the things you have to do - the biggest of which, is working.
So - Vocation has to match Cost of Living in the Lifestyle you choose or you may end up doing a whole lot of Have to and very little Want to.
Let me give you 2 personal examples of how I have seen this work out.
Many who know me - which are few - have heard this little life anecdote.
When I was a Senior in High School at the then Forest Park High (now Westbrook) in Beaumont Tx, there was a Career Fair in the School Cafeteria and I can remember walking into the cafeteria from the long hall and pausing at the entrance and looking to my left and seeing a table / booth for Texas Parks and Wildlife.
Bottom line is I wanted to be either a Park Ranger or a Game Warden.
So naturally I followed the Pursuit of my Passion and walked over to the TPWD booth and started talking to them and in the course of the potential career conversation, I asked....
"So how much does a Game Warden make?"
$12000 / year was their reply - now this was in October, 1979.
Now let me tell you if you don't know - I grew up poor - dirt poor. We didn't miss any meals and never resorted to welfare but we probably should have.
And because of that, I started working making money at age 7 mowing yards and helping a local live bait retailer seine carp and minnows and helping him with odd jobs around his truck farm.
Then at 10, I started working in an auto parts store and at 12, I was pressure washing and painting houses.
What's the point of this little childhood and adolescent career description?
Hell - by the age of 12, I knew the value of a dollar and what it took to make it and what it bought and didn't buy because I bought clothes and groceries and things I needed with my money cause my parents weren't making enough to supply me everything I wanted and needed.
So - bottom line, at 17 years old - I knew $12000 per year wouldn't pay for my bottom line when I was 20 - 21 years old.
A little discouraged, I turned from the TPWD booth and literally walked to the opposite side of the career fair on the right side of the cafeteria - interesting how they were 180 degrees juxtaposed from one another - and walked up to the table with the "Lamar University School of Chemical Engineering" banner hung over it.
And I was pretty good at math and science in high school so I asked the lady sitting behind the table how much a chemical engineer made....
$24000 per year!
Aha - a Career is born.
This was a major crossroads in my life because I chose my Passion that would've left me dirt poor over a Practice that would afford me a lifestyle that I knew I wanted.
Was that the right decision?
38 years later - I still don't know the answer but you get the picture.
So here's a 2nd example.
My daughter entered college not really knowing what she wanted to do and, against my will, but not including my pocketbook cause I had already shelled out over $250000 gross in child support by the time she turned 18), her mother and her decided she would go to Texas State University.
Long story short, my daughter spent 3 semesters and upwards of $60000 figuring out she didn't want to be an accountant or a criminal justice major.
I always thought she would be a great Nurse and had told her that since she was in high school, so I set down with her and did some research on the requirements and the career path and cost of tuition / schooling to do that and the bottom line was as follows.
- Starting RN's at that time, 2012, made a minimum of $60000 per year.
- She could take her existing credits from Texas State, earned at over $315 per semester hour and transfer them locally to Brazosport Community College, and take the remaining pre-requisites for entry into several different Texas Nursing Schools at $55 per semester hour at BCC.
- Once the Nursing Prerequisites were met, she could apply for entry into universities such as University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston (the oldest and one of the most renowned Nursing Schools west of the Mississippi - founded in 1896) for $205 per semester hour and it would only take 3 additional semesters to get here BS in Nursing.
- What all this meant was that for less than $18000, she could get a 4-year degree with a BS in Nursing, take her Texas certification for Registered Nurse immediately after receiving her degree, and be working a month later making $60000 + / year in a Texas hospital.
Now if that's not Bang for the Education Buck - $60000 / year income for an $18000 college cost - then I don't know what is.
At this point, she is making a good living and enjoying her career.
While she is on the long term career path to being financially independent, she is living a comfortable, self-supporting lifestyle as a 24-year old single woman.
So, from these 2 examples, one of the ways to step off the "Shaky Ground between Have to and Want to" is to what????
Get a Fucking Education in a vocation that makes more than $60000 / year for a single member household income!!!
Now before all you folks out there without College Educations start flexing on me, understand this.
I know quite a few people out there who have no degrees or 2 year technology or technician degrees who are Craftsman, Specialists or whatever vocation fits this career plan like Welders, Pipefitters, Chemical Plant Operators, Rig Operators, Instrument and Electrical Technologist, Plumbers, Electricians and other trade crafts and they make GREAT MONEY - many make more than people with 4 year degrees.
So this is another path - but they still had to put in their time to learn the vocation that rewards them with an adequate income - Remember the 10000 hours!!!!
Now here's the Contra Statement to this Learning -
If you don't make the right decisions in the 18 - 25 year range on determining a career path that will yield an adequate income that will outpace inflation, then you will find yourself on the...
Shaky Ground between Have to and Want to -
Because you'll always be working for the Man.
Ok - enough preaching about Education and Career and Adequate Income Brother Wills -
Let's move onto another field of decision making where the Shaky Ground between Have to and Want to resides.
Relationships!
Let me lay out this little scenario for you and I don't want to hear a bunch of feedback about monetizing wives and kids and marriages.
If you're stupid enough - excuse me - there's the Dark Side of Wills coming out again - and incidentally I think I will be penning that post next.
Anyway - if you are unwise to the World and the Ways of the World or Unmazebright (there's a Tony Robbins term if I ever heard it) enough such that you don't understand Marriage and Kids is a Huge Financial Commitment and Drain on your past, present and future income and self, health and well-being....
Then just Rock On Einstein and see how far that gets you - like in the Poor House or Family Law Court or an Early Grave.
In a nutshell, if you are marrying someone - don't matter which side you're on - you're the Man or the Woman - and that other someone doesn't have a clue about money and how to make it and budget it and spend it and save it - or you're the one that's like that and then you start compounding the problem by having kids that cost even more money and you're not making enough money to support all this ShitStorm of Loving, Touching and Squeezing, then you're gonna find yourself real quick -
Standing on the Shaky Ground between Have To and Want To.
Cause you're gonna be working 12 - 16 hours a day 6 - 7 days a week to try to make ends meet.
The other element is just the wear and tear on your Mind, Body and Spirit that an unhappy, unhealthy relationship can have on you. It's not so much being a Money Drain as it is a Mind Fuck. You find yourself working for someone in a relationship that you don't really want to be working for...
Or even being around.
Either one of those Relational Issues will make you a stressed out, unhappy person.
Let me put it this way -
I'd much rather be the Lady at Praxis talking about the Shaky Ground between Have to and Want to being the decision on whether or not she does a hard workout on a sunny day in Santa Fe.
Because that implies she's got a lot of shit going right -
She cares about her body and her health enough to be working out.
She's got the extra time in her life, career and family commitments to be working out.
And most importantly, she's got a career that allows her to pay the monthly dues at a CrossFit style gym, so that she can work out.
Sounds like somewhere along the way, she made the right decisions about Education, Careers, Money and Relationships.
There's enough Potholes, Traps, Trips, Piles of Dogshit and Shaky Ground that have to be stepped over, around and avoided in this Path of Life already.
Get past the majority of those in Life by making Good Decisions that affect the Critical Crossroads of Career and Relationships.
It's one of the Greatest Discoveries and Keys to Success and Happiness you will ever experience.
Sing it Delbert!!!
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