Anybody that knows me knows I don't go into anything consequential, especially something I don't know about, without doing my research, my due diligence.
So with a recent downturn in my left knee market, I decided it was time to start shopping for a.....
New Knee.
Which in the world of medicine is known as a TKR - Total Knee Replacement.
So I visited the quintessential visual encyclopedia, YouTube and found this 14 minute video of an actual knee replacement surgery, which I have to tell you up front, if you tend to be a little queasy about these sorts of things, you probably don't want to watch this. Put it this way, I had to pause it 3 times and walk away, drink some strong coffee and try it again:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGOspdD25Dw
I called my son and talked to him about the absolute gruesome nature of this surgery based on this video and his comment was "You know - if everybody viewed a video of a surgery they were considering before they had the surgery, it's likely there would be a lot fewer surgeries".
Amen to that.
Then I got up this morning and googled "Knee Replacement Rehab" and went through these links....
Recovery Timeline: Rehabilitation Stages and Physical Therapy
Arthritis: Knee Replacement Surgery
http://www.aahks.org/care-for-hips-and-knees/do-i-need-a-joint-replacement/total-knee-replacement/
Total Knee Replacement: the First Year
Knee Replacement Recovery Time Guide
After reading through these and some of the stories related by people as far as how their recovery went, the level of pain they were in throughout the rehab process and even after full recovery and their level of mobility and range of movement, I kinda started rethinking the whole TKR thing.
In addition, the left knee, while still being somewhat painful in normal activities and obviously being bone to bone, has improved somewhat over the last 5 - 6 days.
I am walking around the house and short distances without too much pain and have actually started doing body weight lunges of 20 - 40 reps for a few sets at the gym.
I've also been putting at least 45 minutes to an hour and a half per day on my bicycle. The cold and icy Santa Fe weather has let up a little bit and allowed me that luxury.
In addition, and I hesitate to reveal this, but have to stay true to my policy of full disclosure, I have taken the next step in supplements and have ventured into the realm of PEDs starting a Testosterone supplement about 5 days ago.
And ironically, that's when the knee started improving dramatically - I'm not making this shit up.
I started rubbing in the dime size portion of Test on my left shoulder on Thursday, 02/05/16, and 5 days later the knee is dramatically better.
Now, it could be that the bicycle riding is helping which I'm sure it is... and I'm taking a lot of other natural supplements and I am 5 weeks into the "recovery" from the knee blowout on 01/04/16, but still, I think it is too much of a coincidence that I start the Test supplement and Voila, the knee pain is reduced 50 - 75% and the knee is stronger and I have more mobility and flexibility with less pain.....
Just saying.
And this morning, I made a climb on my heavy Trek 3700 mountain bike with 2 racks and an Ortlieb pannier on it, 5 miles up NM 475 which is the route to the Santa Fe Ski Basin.
It's a decent 5 mile climb and I was bearing down on the pedals pretty hard intentionally at a slow < 60 cadence and the left knee did good.
I had to turn around where the ice started on the first series of S's after the hill past the 10000 Waves spa, and I did a pretty good descent hitting 35 mph top speed on the way down. I averaged 10 mph for the 10 mile ride which is not bad for a 1 legged old man on a heavy mountain bike going up and down 1/2 a mountain.
Incidentally, I did this same ride except all the way to the top and back down again back in May, 2010 on my Trek 1500 Road Bike with a Canon PowerShot on a handlebar bracket recording the fast ride down.
It's not particularly good footage because of the vibration with the handlebar mount of the camera but this 11 minute video gives you some idea about how fast and fun this descent was. I think I hit 48 mph top speed on the stretch passing Hyde State Park and averaged 38 mph on this 11 minute run.
So, if you're so inclined, take a Dramamine and sit back and enjoy this 11 minute joy ride.... when I was a younger, more adventurous soul with 2 good knees and no fear!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G14dCmASC3w
Watching this video again for the first time in a long time, I am amazed at how fast I was going through the turns, how far over I was leaning and how I dodged the many potholes, road cracks, guardrails, vehicles and other road obstacles.
Would I do it again?
Hell Yeah!
And God willing and the creek don't rise, I will do it again this May!
I told you I don't plan on living forever nor do I want to and I think you have to do Things of Significance in order to Give Your Life Significance.
Let me say that again.....
You Have to do Things of Significance to Give Your Life Significance.
Making the climb from Santa Fe to the Santa Fe Ski Basin and back down again at full speed is a Thing of Significance.
So, in summary, after doing quite a bit of research on total knee replacement surgery and the year long recovery from it, I'm still gonna fly into Houston in a couple of weeks and have the evaluation with Dr. Gregory Stocks of the Fondren Orthopedic Group and get a lot more information on the whole process but suffice it to say....
I'm going to do everything I can to keep the knee I have as long as I can.
And if I can get back to a reasonable level of activity with light weights and can walk at least half a mile without a limp, I'm not gonna have the TKR until the ability to do those activities are taken away from me.
It's all about Risk and Reward.
At this point, I'm not sure the knee is bad enough to justify the Risks that a TKR represents.
And I still have some options left to help with the knee.
I don't think I'll get back to where I was before the beginning of year blowout but I think I can get back to a reasonable level of activities.
I know the bicycle riding is helping, the Testosterone supplements are helping and I still have a few more cards on the table including Human Growth Hormone (HGH) supplementation. Based on my research and the anecdotal evidence provided in several discussions with people who have used HGH, this shit can work miracles in restoration and regeneration of damaged muscle tissue, bones and joints.
It's expensive but I'm willing to give it a try in lieu of a surgical procedure as body devastating as a TKR appears to be.
Yeah - there are risks to this sort of aggressive supplementation, but there's risks to TKR to and there's no guarantee you will even get back to where you were before the surgery.
At least that's the way I view it now based on what I know.
I am always open to new data and new information and will change my perspective and plans based on that.
But for now.....
I'm rethinking this whole Total Knee Replacement thing.
There's just something about having your fucking leg cut in 2 and reattached with metal and plastic components that doesn't set well with me.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Monday, February 8, 2016
Life is Hard.... and it just keeps getting Harder...
Sounds like a morbid title right?
Well - maybe to some of the oblivious Eternal Optimists of the World, but for the rest of us that actually have our heads up....
and not up our ass -
We take a few blows to the chin and find ourselves at the bottom looking up.
The best you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, work on your head movement....
And Live your Life and Learn as you Go.
Life is throwing me a few punches.... I'm unemployed, crippled, in pain and alone.
Some of that is just happenstance.... Some of it is my own doing and undoing.... Some is the way I want it... Some not so much.
That's OK - I don't regret a thing..... In retrospect, I mighta done a few things differently but for the most part....
Life is Hard.... Life is Good.
Was listening to this song from the Sick Puppies which is fast becoming one of my favorite groups.
Like their musical messages and the way they present them.
https://youtu.be/CFOtX3VkG88
"Riptide"
To some people, it may seem I'm drowning but, for me....
The water is just fine.
Been treating this sick, bone to bone left knee, with a load of supplements, non-impact activity like PIYO and select exercises and a lot of bike riding and making some progress.
Getting to where I can walk around the house and up and down the stairs most of the day without resorting to a limp and the leg is getting stronger.
Can't fix bone to bone but, amazingly, the body can adapt even to this.... and it is.
Decided since I wasn't doing the intense lung busting CrossFit style workouts anymore, I would go back and visit one of my favorite PED's.....
Tobacco and Nicotine!
I know I know..... counter culture to my healthy lifestyle but believe it or not, in my experience, there are some favorable qualities to limited and structured tobacco consumption.
It does amp up your metabolism, suppress your appetite and does provide some pain relief.
Bullshit you say.... That's fine.... Like I said - it's my Life and I know what works and what doesn't.
So on my ride back from my morning workout at Anytime Fitness, I stopped in at my go-to tobacco shop in Santa Fe.....
Primos!
And picked up a little grab bag including some Clint Eastwood Man with No Name Spaghetti Western style cheroots and a little Berry White pipe tobacco infused with Vanilla and Raspberries - hey if you're gonna fuck up your lungs, might as well do it with high quality, tasty, good smelling tobacco!
Have to agree with the above statement!
Was listening to this aggressively driving song and realized it was the perfect ending to this post.
I've been down for the last month, but down doesn't mean out.
In fact, it makes me want to fight even harder to come back, to overcome, to be wiser maybe different if not better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxIsmbVZuSI
Are you ready Mother F*ckers? Are you ready? LET'S GO!
"One For The Money"
An extension of this whole theme is the quote -
"Live Hard, Die Young and Leave a Beautiful Corpse" which I always thought came from the late James Dean and he was probably the most notable quipper of this Life is Too Long way of thinking but it turns out that this principle has an etymology as long as my leg....
http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/01/31/live-fast/
Here's a collection of scenes from James Dean films..... substitute a bicycle for a motorcycle and a Mustang GT for a Ferrari....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WmnqLD_qfE
And here's another Escape the Fate song that fits right into this theme..... "Live Fast, Die Beautiful'.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlMU7eJ6iw8
I've already figured out that I don't want to live to be 85.... I'm thinking another 10 years is about good enough for me.
Yeah - I'm a vain MF'er....
When I lose the body and the looks fade away....
It will be time.
Well - maybe to some of the oblivious Eternal Optimists of the World, but for the rest of us that actually have our heads up....
and not up our ass -
We take a few blows to the chin and find ourselves at the bottom looking up.
The best you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, work on your head movement....
And Live your Life and Learn as you Go.
Life is throwing me a few punches.... I'm unemployed, crippled, in pain and alone.
Some of that is just happenstance.... Some of it is my own doing and undoing.... Some is the way I want it... Some not so much.
That's OK - I don't regret a thing..... In retrospect, I mighta done a few things differently but for the most part....
Life is Hard.... Life is Good.
Was listening to this song from the Sick Puppies which is fast becoming one of my favorite groups.
Like their musical messages and the way they present them.
https://youtu.be/CFOtX3VkG88
"Riptide"
You all hate your children
They're too fat to feed
You're on medication
Taking pills to sleep
I think I'm doing just fine
Compared to what you've been doing
I won't get vaccinated
Insurance costs too much
You think you're so persuasive
But I'm not giving up
Saving my life
It's not what you're doing
I, I won't justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine
I like to step on cracks
I go against the odds
You think my world is flat
Do I turn you on?
Maybe, yeah I'm wrong
But I like where I'm going
I leave when others stay
I never re-decide
I don't mind if you wait
But I don't waste my time
Crazy is just fine
'Cause I like where I'm going
I, I won't justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when it wasn't so hard
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when, I remember when
I, I didn't have to justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when it wasn't so hard
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when, I remember when
They're too fat to feed
You're on medication
Taking pills to sleep
I think I'm doing just fine
Compared to what you've been doing
I won't get vaccinated
Insurance costs too much
You think you're so persuasive
But I'm not giving up
Saving my life
It's not what you're doing
I, I won't justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine
I like to step on cracks
I go against the odds
You think my world is flat
Do I turn you on?
Maybe, yeah I'm wrong
But I like where I'm going
I leave when others stay
I never re-decide
I don't mind if you wait
But I don't waste my time
Crazy is just fine
'Cause I like where I'm going
I, I won't justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when it wasn't so hard
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when, I remember when
I, I didn't have to justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when it wasn't so hard
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when, I remember when
To some people, it may seem I'm drowning but, for me....
The water is just fine.
Been treating this sick, bone to bone left knee, with a load of supplements, non-impact activity like PIYO and select exercises and a lot of bike riding and making some progress.
Getting to where I can walk around the house and up and down the stairs most of the day without resorting to a limp and the leg is getting stronger.
Can't fix bone to bone but, amazingly, the body can adapt even to this.... and it is.
Decided since I wasn't doing the intense lung busting CrossFit style workouts anymore, I would go back and visit one of my favorite PED's.....
Tobacco and Nicotine!
I know I know..... counter culture to my healthy lifestyle but believe it or not, in my experience, there are some favorable qualities to limited and structured tobacco consumption.
It does amp up your metabolism, suppress your appetite and does provide some pain relief.
Bullshit you say.... That's fine.... Like I said - it's my Life and I know what works and what doesn't.
So on my ride back from my morning workout at Anytime Fitness, I stopped in at my go-to tobacco shop in Santa Fe.....
Primos!
And picked up a little grab bag including some Clint Eastwood Man with No Name Spaghetti Western style cheroots and a little Berry White pipe tobacco infused with Vanilla and Raspberries - hey if you're gonna fuck up your lungs, might as well do it with high quality, tasty, good smelling tobacco!
Have to agree with the above statement!
Was listening to this aggressively driving song and realized it was the perfect ending to this post.
I've been down for the last month, but down doesn't mean out.
In fact, it makes me want to fight even harder to come back, to overcome, to be wiser maybe different if not better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxIsmbVZuSI
Are you ready Mother F*ckers? Are you ready? LET'S GO!
"One For The Money"
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let's go!
Everybody in the world are you with me?
It's too late to try to run, we run the city
It's my time, it's show time,
Held me down, now it's don't give a fuck time
It's go time, it's show time
Sing it with me everybody let's go
Cause it's one, it's one, one for the money
Two, it's two, cause two is for the show
Three, it's three, three get ready,
Are you ready motherfuckers? Are you ready? Let's go!
[x2]
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let's go!
Let me see you start a war, start a riot
When there's nothing left to burn, hear the silence
Hate me, you can't escape me and you ain't ever gonna change me
I can't stand it, I've fucking had it, I'm about to blow
Cause it's one, it's one, one for the money
Two, it's two, cause two is for the show
Three, it's three, three get ready,
Are you ready motherfuckers? Are you ready? Let's go!
[x2]
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let's go!
[Solo]
Cause it's one, it's one, one for the money
Two, it's two, cause two is for the show
Three, it's three, three get ready,
Are you ready motherfuckers? Are you ready? Let's go!
[x2]
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let's go!
[x2]
ARE YOU READY? LET'S GO!
ARE YOU READY? LET'S GO!
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let's go!
Everybody in the world are you with me?
It's too late to try to run, we run the city
It's my time, it's show time,
Held me down, now it's don't give a fuck time
It's go time, it's show time
Sing it with me everybody let's go
Cause it's one, it's one, one for the money
Two, it's two, cause two is for the show
Three, it's three, three get ready,
Are you ready motherfuckers? Are you ready? Let's go!
[x2]
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let's go!
Let me see you start a war, start a riot
When there's nothing left to burn, hear the silence
Hate me, you can't escape me and you ain't ever gonna change me
I can't stand it, I've fucking had it, I'm about to blow
Cause it's one, it's one, one for the money
Two, it's two, cause two is for the show
Three, it's three, three get ready,
Are you ready motherfuckers? Are you ready? Let's go!
[x2]
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let's go!
[Solo]
Cause it's one, it's one, one for the money
Two, it's two, cause two is for the show
Three, it's three, three get ready,
Are you ready motherfuckers? Are you ready? Let's go!
[x2]
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let's go!
[x2]
ARE YOU READY? LET'S GO!
ARE YOU READY? LET'S GO!
An extension of this whole theme is the quote -
"Live Hard, Die Young and Leave a Beautiful Corpse" which I always thought came from the late James Dean and he was probably the most notable quipper of this Life is Too Long way of thinking but it turns out that this principle has an etymology as long as my leg....
http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/01/31/live-fast/
Here's a collection of scenes from James Dean films..... substitute a bicycle for a motorcycle and a Mustang GT for a Ferrari....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WmnqLD_qfE
And here's another Escape the Fate song that fits right into this theme..... "Live Fast, Die Beautiful'.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlMU7eJ6iw8
I've already figured out that I don't want to live to be 85.... I'm thinking another 10 years is about good enough for me.
Yeah - I'm a vain MF'er....
When I lose the body and the looks fade away....
It will be time.
Building the Perfect Woman Part 2
This is a quick follow-up to the previous post "Building the Perfect Woman".
I thought of 3 more seemingly minor but important elements or exclusions that have to be present in any woman I would consider:
I thought of 3 more seemingly minor but important elements or exclusions that have to be present in any woman I would consider:
- Absolutely NO PETS! I'm not even gonna get started on this one.... if you need a refresher on how I feel about people and their dogs, read this.....http://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2015/06/people-and-their-fucking-dogs.html
- They have to be able to drive a car.... I know that sounds stupid but I don't mean possess a driver's license, I mean actually be able to drive a car efficiently and proficiently and that doesn't necessarily mean slow... they have to drive with competence and fluidity. Let me put it this way, if I walk up to a women's car and I see dented fenders, dented rims, scuffed tires and missing hub cabs because they've been doing their version of "Curbhopper", I'm just gonna put 'er in reverse and back on out of there.
- They have to be half ass tech savvy.... Let me give you a couple of examples - I've met some supposedly smart people up here in Santa Fe that don't even know how to use a Smart Phone. I won't go through all the examples, but if you have to ask me directions to my place and then start writing them down, you're lost already. And if you can't send me a pic on your cell phone, you won't be sending me any pics on your cell phone.
Like I said in the previous posts, I could blow up eHarmony's questionnaire but I guess I better stop right here.
It's taken me 53 years to realize this Wonder Woman I've created doesn't exist and even if she did, she wouldn't have anything to do with me.....
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Most of the time the Fantasy is better than the Reality anyway.
Building the Perfect Woman....
So I was having this discussion with my daughter the other day and it ended up being the inspiration for this post.
I like to get feedback - positive or negative - from those close to me....
Not sure why that is, maybe I just want to see how I'm doing.... if what I'm doing is the right thing and that I'm meeting that particular person's needs and expectations of me.
My son is the Master of this having recognized it a long time ago. He regularly gives me positive feedback and constructive criticism. I really appreciate it because it requires some time, effort and thought on his part, which in and of itself, is a sign of caring.
Anyway I was talking to my daughter and asked her -
What do you consider my 3 greatest strengths?
Without much hesitation and with confidence and authority, she listed the following in this order:
I like to get feedback - positive or negative - from those close to me....
Not sure why that is, maybe I just want to see how I'm doing.... if what I'm doing is the right thing and that I'm meeting that particular person's needs and expectations of me.
My son is the Master of this having recognized it a long time ago. He regularly gives me positive feedback and constructive criticism. I really appreciate it because it requires some time, effort and thought on his part, which in and of itself, is a sign of caring.
Anyway I was talking to my daughter and asked her -
What do you consider my 3 greatest strengths?
Without much hesitation and with confidence and authority, she listed the following in this order:
- Verbal and Written Communication - According to her I am very good at expressing myself. Wow - Chalk one up for me and for her. My verbal and written communication is something I work on - like this blog - and I do actually feel I am better than the average stump at communication.
- Organization - She praised my thought and planning and how I organized my daily activities and life. Double Wow - another thing that is a top 3 priority to me and she listed it in the top 3. I think this girl may know me pretty well.
- Self-Discipline, Physical Fitness and General Work Ethic - She praised my self-discipline and dogged determination in seeking, obtaining and maintaining a lean and muscular body and sticking with a good diet and pursuing a healthy lifestyle. Can you say 3-fer? This girl has got me pegged.
And I have to say.... I was really surprised and amazed at how this young lady articulately, accurately and with no hesitation, laid out this little Dad evaluation. Gotta say this girl has come a long way and I am so proud of her.
Moving on.....
After having my head blown up like this, I was almost afraid to get deflated but, in all fairness, had to ask the antithesis of my first inquiry....
What do you consider my 3 greatest weaknesses? (Which is kind of a dichotomy - is there any such thing as a "great" weakness)..... Maybe I should say - What are my 3 worst weaknesses? There - that sounds better... or worse.
This response began a little slower and unfolded in a different and somewhat unexpected manner.....
"Well - several years ago, I would've said that you didn't have a lot of patience and you flew off the handle too much.... but you don't do that anymore...."
"And you used to be harder on yourself and others... but you're not like that anymore...."
To which I responded.... "It's probably related to not working 80 hours a week and being stressed out all the time. Getting in better health, eating better, controlling stress and working less can change you for the better".
And then she got serious and said.... "I will tell you one thing that really bothers me about you... The fact that you don't believe in Love anymore and that you have resigned yourself and the rest of your life to being alone".
Wow! Holy Cut to the Core and Lay it on the Line Bat Woman!
And I have to say.... from her perspective and from my life experience and practice over the last few years....
She is absolutely right!
I have become very comfortable and happy being alone and not being involved with a Partner, Significant Other or whatever term you want to put on a Companion of the Close Emotional Persuasion.
I think there may be a number of reasons for this lifestyle preference:
- I have created a healthy lifestyle and life over the last few years and it hasn't included or required anyone else to do it.
- I am selfish of my time, activities and schedule and don't necessarily have the time, energy, money or motivation that is required to build and nurture a close relationship with anybody.
- In a nutshell, I'm kinda weird.... Ok maybe "weird" isn't the right word..... As my son has described me... "Dad - you're kind of on the fringe". Not sure what that means or if it's good or bad, but I would probably agree with that.
- My thoughts, views, actions, approaches, perspectives, responses, reactions - the way I live my life - is definitely not typical, not for everybody and in fact, probably not for anybody.... but me.... thus the need to be alone because basically I can't imagine anyone else putting up with me nor would I want to subject anyone to that.
- One of my favorite sayings in life is a paraphrasing of Groucho Marx's famous "I wouldn't be a member of any club that would have me"...... My version - "I wouldn't have any Woman that would have me".
- I do keep my eyes and ears open for someone I might be compatible with, even just as a platonic friend type.... and the problem is, I haven't seen anyone that even comes close.... well maybe one, but when I dig a little deeper I realize that my interest is rooted in the fact that they are likely weirder than I am which creates a problem in and of itself.
So with all that said, if I was to "spec" the Perfect Woman for me, what would she look like and what would be some of her core qualities, preferences and characteristics?
- Might as well start with the physical part - that's where these things seem to start anyway...
- I guess she'd be about 5'6" and weigh about 120 lbs....
- No preference on hair color but I do like long hair....
- Eye color doesn't matter but I do like what I call bright and intelligent eyes - I mean I can look in someone's eyes and tell you in 10 seconds if there's anybody home or not. What I don't want with a woman is "Scared Eyes" cause that indicates a history of problems or "Maneater Eyes" which belong to those women who are users and abusers of men..... can spot those 2 types a mile away.
- Might as well get this over with..... I do like a women to have ample breasts - don't have to be huge but I would like them to fill my hand.... not an absolute prerequisite but....
- And speaking of butt.... don't care what shape it is as long as there is one.... I mean it's got to have some kind of depth, thickness and substance..... If a woman turns sideways and you don't see something sticking out the back.... I'm walking.
- From an overall physical presence standpoint, I want the woman to be in good or great physical shape. Doesn't have to be super lean but she should be flexible, fit and should look it.
- But I don't want her to be leaner than me..... I'm pretty lean and if a woman has less bodyfat than I do, then that probably won't work.
- And as far as facial features or looks or beauty, it really doesn't matter to me.... I've been with gorgeous women that wear a lot of make-up and with plainer women that don't wear a lot of make-up and everything in between and it just doesn't seem to be a big deal except for the fact that, almost without fail, my experience with beautiful women is that they seem to have a sense of entitlement.... I just haven't been around really pretty or attractive women who didn't seem to be high maintenance or that, because of their physical beauty, they felt like they didn't have to put out the same effort in a relationship as their less attractive counterparts. And maybe for that reason, I tend to favor women who have more "down to earth" looks.
- As far as color, race or creed, I am the least biased Deep East Texas Coon Ass Redneck I know. I don't give a shit if my partner is red, white, blue, yellow, black, white or any combo. Everybody starts at the same point with me and are given the benefit of that perspective until they prove unworthy of it.
- Ok.... enough with the physical... let's move to the mental and emotional parts - the important stuff.
- Let me say this real quick - Intelligence is sexy. I would rather wrap my mind and body around a beautiful mind than a beautiful face or body. I like to communicate, discuss, debate and dissect a lot of different topics and subjects - technical, analytical, relational, musical, historical, spiritual, philosophical, physical - and I want someone who can hold their own, carry the torch and lead the way if they are so inclined.
- Which segues into the communication part - I like talkers cause I'm a talker but I don't want to be the only one talking. The Silent Types don't interest me. I mean I want a respectful communicator, but I definitely want someone who can hold their own in a discussion and give as good as they can get.
- I have worked really hard on being more even keeled over the last few years - not being moody or too up and too down - and have succeeded to some degree - and I respect and need that from a significant other. Maybe the word for that is consistency and reliability. I don't like to deal with a lot of drama and emotion and that requires a certain level of self-control and discipline. I have come to expect that of myself and seek that in others.
- One of the reasons I moved away from the Texas Gulf Coast, besides the horrid climate, was the close-minded, it's my way or the highway, attitude that is prevalent there. Despite my heritage and deep roots in the Deep South, I would consider myself relatively open-minded. I'm willing to listen and consider opinions, perspectives and lifestyles that are different from mine and try to learn from those who practice them. I expect the same from my partner.
- The rest of these are really just a hodge-podge of preferences and probably don't belong in any particular category.....
- Age - Hmmmm - that's a hard one cause I live, think and act younger than I am.... but kinda like color and race I really don't have a preference or bias on age other than I'm no cradle robber which probably means they gotta be > 40 and it would be hard to believe that anybody > 60 could meet the other criteria listed..... so maybe 40 - 60.
- Music is such a huge part of my life that I just can't imagine myself being around someone who doesn't share that passion.... and it turns out, in Santa Fe at least, NOBODY shares my passion for Rock or Metal Music so I guess it's too much to ask for a Rock loving chick to just materialize in front of my eyes, but if she did......
- As far as Spirituality, I seem to gravitate towards a viewpoint of Neutrality or maybe even an Uncertainty regarding Spirituality. The dyed in the wool Christians really turn me off, because my experience is that these are the most fucked up hypocritical souls out there. Give me an agnostic or a person who questions the Powers that Be and their own little insignificant presence in the Grand Scheme of Things and you're walking my talk.
- I like Travel, Adventure and Challenge and that's been my History and it will be my Future just as soon as I get this left knee fixed. You gotta be able to Run and Gun and Stay up with Me whether it's on a bike, in the gym, over the Mountain or in another country. I wanna go and see and do and you better keep up or you won't be with me long.
- I love to Cook and Eat.... and the woman I'm with better be able to keep up on both counts. If you're a picky eater on < 1000 calories a day and don't like nutritious, highly seasoned food and lots of it and don't know how to prepare and consume mass quantities of it.... Exit Stage Left.
- Ok - let's wrap this up with the one that you're probably waiting on - the one that nobody wants to talk about - SEX - or at least the physical part of a relationship. Believe it or not, this is not the most important thing to me. Don't get me wrong.... I love Sex and truthfully, I have never had Bad Sex with any woman I have ever been with... Sex is Good.... Sex is Right.... but it's not the end all and be all. It's kind of a result.... Get all the other shit lined up right and the Sex will be right. In connection with this, I'm a morning person.... nothing like a strong Cup of Coffee and Sex in the Morning.... Smells like Victory.... and that's the way to start any day.
Geez - I could go on and on about this and may come back and add to this post later but I think this will do for now.
So.... Amy.... you were so worried about my attitude about Love and being Alone.
You find me someone who meets most of the criteria above and maybe just maybe.....
I'll change.
But for now, I'm happy being.....
Alone in Santa Fe.
Google Blogger not allowing mobile input
Hey Sports Fans -
Wanted to let you know one of the reasons I have not posting as much as usual is that it appears Google Blogger - this platform - is not allowing inputs of any kind from a mobile device, i.e. my iPhone.
My normal way of doing posts with pictures is that I text message the photos straight to my blog from my phone. This is done through an MMS input to the Blogger platform. I then access and edit the post from my laptop to add the written part of each post.
This is by far the fastest and easiest way to get multiple photos to the blog.
When this has failed in the past, the 2nd choice is to email the photos to the blog but this is restricted to 5 photos at a time.
If this doesn't work, I use an app called "BlogPress" that also allows me to upload up to 5 photos at a time from my phone to my blog.
None of these options are working indicating to me there is a problem on the Google Blogger end. This has been going on for 4 days now....
I have Googled the problem to see if there is any record of it and can't find anything.
Will keep working on it but be aware that I will not post as much in terms of pictures because of this problem.
The path to getting pictures onto a post now is quite a bit more complicated than that described above:
Wanted to let you know one of the reasons I have not posting as much as usual is that it appears Google Blogger - this platform - is not allowing inputs of any kind from a mobile device, i.e. my iPhone.
My normal way of doing posts with pictures is that I text message the photos straight to my blog from my phone. This is done through an MMS input to the Blogger platform. I then access and edit the post from my laptop to add the written part of each post.
This is by far the fastest and easiest way to get multiple photos to the blog.
When this has failed in the past, the 2nd choice is to email the photos to the blog but this is restricted to 5 photos at a time.
If this doesn't work, I use an app called "BlogPress" that also allows me to upload up to 5 photos at a time from my phone to my blog.
None of these options are working indicating to me there is a problem on the Google Blogger end. This has been going on for 4 days now....
I have Googled the problem to see if there is any record of it and can't find anything.
Will keep working on it but be aware that I will not post as much in terms of pictures because of this problem.
The path to getting pictures onto a post now is quite a bit more complicated than that described above:
- Email pictures to my email account 5 pics at a time.
- Download the pics from the emails to my laptop hard drive.
- Access the blog and upload the photos from the laptop hard drive to the particular post I'm working on.
Depending on how many pics I want to put on a post, this is a 15 - 20 minute process compared to a 30 second process where I just select the photos on my iPhone and text them straight to the blog.
Technology is great..... when it works.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
When Bone meets Bone.... You better have a Plan!
So what's been going on Bro Wills?
Why haven't you been posting? Cat got your tongue? You been sitting on your hands? What's your fucking problem?
Well - BroHeem - there's this little thing called a left knee that has basically taken my life over and I've had to deal with it.
Ever since my last hiking excursion on Sunday, 01/03, the knee went south for the winter and left me bone to bone and in a whole new World of Pain.
Kinda reminds me of the old saying.... "Don't bitch cause things can always get worse".
Yep - True That.
So I got past the 2 weeks of continuous throbbing deep bone pain that left my knee bent at an angle where I had to spend the first hour of each day in intense teeth gritting pain, hot water and exercise just to get the left leg straightened out so I could get down the stairs.
Talking about a whole new reality - where the blessing for the day is walking without a limp.
But you know me - Grin and Bear it right?
Take action - Shoot up here amongst us - Do something.... even if it's wrong!
So what's in my control?
Well - my weight to a point.... so I headed to that point.
Since I wasn't working out as much, I didn't have to eat as much.... so that's what I did or didn't.
Took it down close to my all time low of 165 which I attained in June 2014.
Is it helping? Not really but I look pretty lean.
Like Fernando Llamas said.....
"It is better to look good than to feel good!"
In the meantime, amidst all this pain and suffering, other than being all alone in this World, this World is pretty cool.... or should I say cold and snowy!
Came out of my PIYO class at Anytime Fitness recently and was greeted with a Snowy Mustang!
Who says you can't eat good and lose weight?
Slow braised Pork Stew, Grits and Eggs, Sourdough Bread, Clementines, Grapefruit and Fat Free Lactose Free Milk
That'll put a Pep in your Step or at least a Gimp in your Limp!
Oh and here's a Thing of Beauty.....
Cast iron skilled grilled Wild Sockeye Salmon fillet with hot mustard and Sriracha on toasted Sourdough bread with a generous pile of Spring Mix, tomato and Clementine wedges.
What's better than a Stang in the Snow at night?
2 Stangs in the Snow at night..... Kinda funny - of all the features on this Beautiful Beast, the one I get the most comments on is the running Mustang displayed on the ground at night....
420 horses under the hood and the one that people like most is the one projected on the ground.....
In reflection, I have had some times when I thought I probably should've kept my old Red Ford F-150 but after spending a winter in Santa Fe with the Bridgestone Blizzak shoed Red Lady with the heated seats and the look that gets the looks.....
I think I might just keep her..
So the pain wasn't going away with everything I was trying so I tried an old friend of mine for a few days.....
What friend you ask?
Well Jose Cuervo of course!
What's better than a Mason Jar of Margarita with Lime and salt and a roaring fire?
Holy Shit - 7 degrees - more wood on the fire please! Going through my 2nd cord now!
Ok..... that's not fair to the rest of the world..... when you walk out of a workout and look at this.... you have to think I'm one lucky SonofaBitch!
I have to tell you from personal experience that pain - deep boned and continuous pain - pain with each step - pain that makes you change how you walk and think and act - pain that changes your life - kinda makes you think more about mortality... and death.
I mean, seriously, I realize my knee pain is nothing compared to what people with terminal cancer or some other deadly affliction, feel....
But still, even now, I realize, that if this is the way it's gonna be, I definitely don't want to live forever.... Hell I'm not even sure I wanna live another 10 years if this is what Life is gonna be like.
So when Pain is your constant companion and you begin considering what Death will be like, it's time to start taking the next step....
A Painful Step but a Necessary Step.
Cause after all, your attitude, your mental perspective, your Lease on Life, your Desire to Live is the single most important thing you need...
Well..... that and Kick Ass Music!
"Not Gonna Die"
Death surrounds
My heartbeat’s slowing down
I won’t take this world’s abuse
I won’t give up, I refuse!
This is how it feels when you’re bent and broken
This is how it feels when your dignity’s stolen
When everything you love is leaving
You hold on to what you believe in
The last thing I heard was you whispering goodbye
And then I heard you flat line
No, not gonna die tonight
We're gonna stand and fight forever
(Don’t close your eyes)
No, not gonna die tonight
We're gonna fight for us together
No, we’re not gonna die tonight
Break their hold
'Cause I won’t be controlled
They can’t keep their chains on me
When the truth has set me free
This is how it feels when you take your life back
This is how it feels when you finally fight back
When life pushes me I push harder
What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger
The last thing I heard was you whispering goodbye
And then I heard you flat line
No, not gonna die tonight
We’re gonna stand and fight forever
(Don’t close your eyes)
No, not gonna die tonight
We're gonna fight for us together
No, we’re not gonna die tonight
Don’t you give up on me
You’re everything I need
This is how it feels when you take your life back
This is how it feels when you fight back
No, not gonna die tonight
We’re gonna stand and fight forever
(Don’t close your eyes)
No, not gonna die tonight
We're gonna fight for us together
No, we’re not gonna die tonight
No, we’re not gonna die tonight
Not gonna die
(Not gonna die)
Not gonna die
(Not gonna die)
Not gonna die tonight
My heartbeat’s slowing down
I won’t take this world’s abuse
I won’t give up, I refuse!
This is how it feels when you’re bent and broken
This is how it feels when your dignity’s stolen
When everything you love is leaving
You hold on to what you believe in
The last thing I heard was you whispering goodbye
And then I heard you flat line
No, not gonna die tonight
We're gonna stand and fight forever
(Don’t close your eyes)
No, not gonna die tonight
We're gonna fight for us together
No, we’re not gonna die tonight
Break their hold
'Cause I won’t be controlled
They can’t keep their chains on me
When the truth has set me free
This is how it feels when you take your life back
This is how it feels when you finally fight back
When life pushes me I push harder
What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger
The last thing I heard was you whispering goodbye
And then I heard you flat line
No, not gonna die tonight
We’re gonna stand and fight forever
(Don’t close your eyes)
No, not gonna die tonight
We're gonna fight for us together
No, we’re not gonna die tonight
Don’t you give up on me
You’re everything I need
This is how it feels when you take your life back
This is how it feels when you fight back
No, not gonna die tonight
We’re gonna stand and fight forever
(Don’t close your eyes)
No, not gonna die tonight
We're gonna fight for us together
No, we’re not gonna die tonight
No, we’re not gonna die tonight
Not gonna die
(Not gonna die)
Not gonna die
(Not gonna die)
Not gonna die tonight
This beautiful and haunting song just keeps catching my attention.....
The bottom line is that we all have our foibles, our fatal flaws....
And despite our best efforts to change or camouflage who and what we are....
The shortest road to Perfection leads to that significant other that accepts and adores who you are...
The way you are.
Variety in Life and Love keeps things interesting - keeps your palette guessing, your body satisfied and your mind wondering.....
What's next?
Braised Pork tacos with fresh cilantro, TJ's Chunky salsa and Queso Fresca and a squeeze of Lime.
Don't know why I'm so fascinated in Death and Burial lately.....
Maybe I'm preparing myself for the next life....
Or at least a few new body parts!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzTZeeMCUBk
Love the symphonic sound of this one! Violins are definitely cool in Rock Music!
Speaking of Death and Rebirth....
How bout starting a New Life of fresh well prepared food that makes your palette and your body jump for joy..... Ok.... for me not jump.... but at least stand up and walk!
Cast Iron Skillet Grilled Tuna Steak, sliced, on top of toasted Farmer's Bread from a local bakery - Sage Bake House - with a fresh salsa of red onion, jalapeno, cilantro and avocado and a nice strong margarita!
Being that I am one Sick Puppy and definitely in need of a change.....
This one keeps catching my eye and ear!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFhRowkNrTM
My life has been one big change after another over the last few years.....
I wouldn't have lived it any other way!
"Maybe"
Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
(Maybe I'm crazy)
Maybe I'm the only one
(Maybe I'm the only one)
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough
Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
Maybe it's hopeless
(Maybe it's hopeless)
Maybe I should just give up
(Maybe I should just give up)
What if I can't trust myself?
What if I just need some help?
Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
(Maybe I'm crazy)
Maybe I'm the only one
(Maybe I'm the only one)
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough
Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
Maybe it's hopeless
(Maybe it's hopeless)
Maybe I should just give up
(Maybe I should just give up)
What if I can't trust myself?
What if I just need some help?
Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
I have no idea why I'm sticking this one in here other than when I listened to this song on the my iHeart station, it sounded pretty cool....
After watching the video..... not so much.
But What the Hell..... Yeah I'm 53 but I can still appreciate the fact that if I was 20 again.... maybe.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbUR0SRceD0
Love the guitar lead-in on this one......
Another woman lead singer band which is fast becoming my favorite type of music....
Like I said, I'm right where I should be..... Don't try and Fix me!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCbkeUxkbYc
Recently watched "Straight outta Compton" and loved it...
Given the fact that my left knee has finally crashed and burned, it seems....
I need a Doctor to bring me back to Life!
So here's what I've done, what I'm doing and the Plan going forward:
- Trying all kinds of natural supplements for pain relief, joint soothing, etc as described in a prior post.
- Keeping body weight below 170 to reduce stress on the left knee.
- Continuing to ride bike and stay as active as I can in PIYO and Core Strength and more classes at Anytime Fitness. Can't put much weight on the left leg but I'm forcing myself to do what it will take just to keep the leg muscles from atrophying.
- Had a phone call with Dr G William Woods, the orthopedic surgeon who has operated on my left knee 4 times in the last 25 years.... asked a bunch of questions about the next logical step..... Knee Replacement.... he answered most of my questions and left me with a good summary of the past 10 years and our conversation..... "You been running on a bald tire for the last few years.... You just had the blowout.... It's time to get the knee replaced".
- Dr Woods doesn't do knee replacements but he has someone at the Fondren Orthopedic Group that does..... a guy named Dr Gregory Stocks.
- I set up an appointment with Dr Stocks in the next couple of weeks so will fly in to Houston, meet with Dr Stocks, have an evaluation and discuss the many questions and options regarding left knee replacement.
- Depending on what I hear and learn and what my options are, I will likely schedule knee replacement surgery aka knee arthroplasty - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knee_replacement - for sometime in the April or May timeframe.
- I will be in the hospital for 3 - 5 days post surgery and then will stay in the Lake Jackson area for the next 3 - 4 weeks of rehab / physical therapy with the goal being to be able to walk.
- Talked to Allison Holt at Brazosport Rehab and Wellness about the PT and it doesn't sound fun.
- I plan to return to Santa Fe in 3 - 4 weeks post surgery and continue my rehab / physical therapy here.
So there's the Strawman Plan..... we'll see how it goes.
So what's my Prediction for 2016?
Well - I'll let Mr T tell ya...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSPNQ82Sq4E
Yeah from all the research I've done, laying the leg open from Thigh to Shin and cutting sections of bone off the femur and tibia and cementing in metal and plastic parts is a great recipe for.....
PAIN.
But I gotta do what I gotta do.
So what's my Prediction for 2016?
Well - I'll let Mr T tell ya...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSPNQ82Sq4E
Yeah from all the research I've done, laying the leg open from Thigh to Shin and cutting sections of bone off the femur and tibia and cementing in metal and plastic parts is a great recipe for.....
PAIN.
But I gotta do what I gotta do.
Life will be different.... Won't be able to do a lot of the things I was doing with the knee that God gave me.
But Life is all about change.... When one door closes, another one opens.
Having left knee replacement will take me back to the basics of walking and riding my bike.... which will get me outside more... which is one of the reasons I came to Santa Fe in the first place.
So how do I feel about all this?
I'm good with it..... I'm at peace with it....
I'm not afraid.....
Sunday, January 24, 2016
You were born 200 years too late.... Exploring the lives before and the life after.... You haven't lived until you've died.
Pretty interesting title..... and we'll get to this topic cause I have a lot to say.
But for the moment, let's shoot a Nutribullet straight through to my heart.
Which is basically where everything you eat goes eventually.
Banana, green beans, fuji apple, strawberries, blueberries, carrots, cilantro, basil, salt, vanilla extract, Creatine and Protein.
Looking for something different on the music side....
And came up with this....
Maybe it's time to change....
Gorgeous fucking song....
Hang on to this one.... it will have more meaning later in this post...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkjU1tcf5-E
Midnight snack - Ground Turkey Breast tacos with Pear and Cilantro and mixed veggies.
Gotta relate a cool little experience I had yesterday.
No secret - the chronically degenerated arthritic left knee has taken a turn for the worse since the first of the year and has left me with a 2 hour battle every morning just to be able to get down the stairs and walk without a limp.
I've exhausted the ability of the Modern Medical Community to deal with a knee with no cartilage and bone spurs like a porcupine so I'm taking it to the next level....
Alternative Medicine.
Which is a big industry in Santa Fe.
So I went to my alternative medicine go to guy in Santa Fe - Dr Mavrick Lobe - http://drmavrick.com/
to get a Platelet Rich Plasma therapy injection for my left knee.
Had 2 injections done on my torn - 40% detached left Achilles Tendon last year and it worked wonders... instant pain relief and increased strength - and I haven't looked back from that injury.
Mav takes the 30cc of blood and puts it in the centrifuge to separate out the platelets and we go into a long consult about my left knee and some alternatives I was researching for left knee pain / regeneration / restoration of some level of activity:
- THC elements with the high inducing components removed leaving just the anti-inflammatory, pain relieving components behind - usually administered in oral form with eye dropper.
- Testosterone supplements - got some negative side effects but so does chronic pain.
- HGH - Human Growth Hormone - everybody I've talked to and all the research I've done says this is the way to go..... but it's pretty cost prohibitive.
- Vioxx - a wonder drug of pain reliever and anti-inflammatory that was marketed by Merck but taken off the market in the late 90s amidst massive class action lawsuits because it caused heart attacks. Can't get it anymore.... kinda like what Dow's Singlets was to the common flu.
So in the process of talking about all this neat shit, I tell Mav that my Santa Fe orthopedic guy, Dr Bair, said he couldn't do anything with the knee. I had also asked Dr Bair to drain the knee of excess fluid and he felt of the knee and said "Doesn't seem to be that much fluid there". I knew that was bullshit cause I could feel how swollen the knee was and the internal pressure being caused by the excess fluid.
So - Mav and I got our heads together and decided to drain the knee.... pretty simple process.
Stick a 2-1/2" needle in the knee using a real time ultrasound image as a guide and draw some fluid off.
Mav says "Yeah - I'm figuring there's probably 18 - 24 cc in there".
So in goes the needle and I'm watching it on the ultrasound.
He takes off 16cc and unscrews the capsule from the needle head, screws in another one and keeps drawing.
The knee has been hurting cause it's been in a pretty stationary position for awhile and having a 2-1/2" needle stuck in it ain't helping.
So... here's a little history... I ain't real good with needles.... Had a cortisone injection in my left shoulder when I was 17.... and the doc did basically the same thing..... injected some cortisone, unscrewed the capsule, left the needle in my shoulder and I looked down at it and saw the blood running down my chest, he shoots a 2nd capsule in and about that time I check out of this world and fall off the gurney into the arms of a nurse and take her to the floor.
And I passed out one time in my early 20s giving blood.
With all the needles and painful procedures I've had done in the past 30 years, I thought I had conquered the whole needle thing.....
So's anyway.... 2 capsules later..... and Mav is still drawing fluid off..... like over 40cc now and the fucking knee feels like I got a hot knife sticking in it and I'm starting to squirm around a little bit and I'm chewing my gum and gritting my teeth and saying.... "Yeah, that fucker is really hurting now" and I'm starting to feel a little light headed. Only I don't say anything to Mav cause I don't want to be a Whining Bitch especially in front of a Stud like Mav.....
So we finish drawing off the fluid - total of 46 cc - which is like the most he's ever taken out of a knee and in goes the platelets....
And out go the lights!
I open my eyes and a slightly concerned looking Mav says.....
"Hey - you Ok? You passed out and you stopped breathing so I gave you CPR. Was about to call 911 when you came to".
Aaaah..... so that deep dark hole I found myself in was.....
Me being Dead.
Cool!
Well - the first thing I'm thinking is that Mav is exaggerating but then I look at his face and hear his rapid breathing and I'm thinking....
I don't think he's kidding.
I'm totally weak and nauseated and I'm hot and clammy..... yeah all those symptoms.
So I'm laying there for about 15 minutes trying to recover and I get some water and some ice packs from Mav....
And we take my pulse and blood pressure..... 52 and 95/60.... holy shit - that ain't good.
I finally get off the gurney and sit on an adjacent chair and the nausea is just overwhelming..... Hey Mav - how bout a bucket so I can puke?
Back on the gurney for another 15 - deep breathing - cause that's what you do when you're living as opposed to not breathing when you're dead.
2nd pulse and BP - 50 and 84/53.... Dammit - that's still not good.
So after about 30 mins, I get up and walk around and dare myself to fall down.... and go into the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face and neck and arms.....
And look into the mirror..... Hey dude - not looking so good.
So I ask Mav - "You ever have that happen before?" and he says..... "I've had people pass out but never stop breathing."
Well - I can't recall stopping breathing myself.... so I guess that's a first for boffus.
We decide Mav is gonna drive me home.... but after another 15 mins pride and prejudice kicks in and I tell him.... I can make it home.
So I gingerly drive the Red Mare back to the condo..... collapse on the couch feeling very tired and weak and sleepy but afraid to go to sleep cause I'm afraid....
I won't wake up.
I text Mav and let him know I made it and he texts me back to check in in a couple of hours.
I know - what a Drama Queen.
So after laying on the couch a couple of hours, I get up and make me my favorite comfort food go to meal....
Grits and Eggs and Turkey Bacon - which I scarffed down like a Dead Man coming back to Life.
So what's up with this thing..... Who knows? It was probably a combination of Pain, Low Blood Sugar and my whimpiness with needles.
Did I really stop breathing?
Hell - I don't know - I wasn't there..... I mean I was there but I wasn't there.
When a guy like Mav says you stopped breathing, I don't question him, cause he's a stand-up no bullshit kind of guy.
So what's up with all this?
Well - it kinda ties in with a New Theme of Life I've been considering based upon recent conversations I've been having with a friend of mine from PIYO class.
This friend is very deep into the Spiritual World of past lives, parallel universes and extended and multiple dimensions.....
Yeah I know..... but hey you gotta keep an open mind and listen and learn and consider.
I've always felt like I was born 200 years too late..... or maybe 2 million years too late.
My friend's contention that these feelings and tendencies exhibited in this life are based on the spirit and memories of past lives.
Based on and in thoughtful consideration of this concept, I am convinced that, if this is true, that I existed in past lives as the following:
- Cave Man or some Primordial Being - I love Fire, being outside, hunting, killing, surviving, existing alone. I love meat - I love to eat with my hands - and have deep and primordial thoughts and images that I continuously suppress or push to the back of my mind.
- Mountain Man in Western America in the 1820s - 1840s - for a lot of the same reasons listed above. Plus I was born on the Texas Gulf Coast and have always been drawn to the Mountains - love to hike, backpack, live off the land.
- World War II combatant - probably a sniper - Love WWII and have read literally hundred of books on WWII and visualize myself in the scenes fighting for life.
- Probably lived as a Black Man or a Woman in a prior life - have preferences and tendencies of both.
So I guess it's appropriate and timely that I had occasion to pass from this life into the portal that leads to the next life - whatever that next life is - even if it was only for a few seconds.
It's a journey not too many have been blessed enough to experience.
Is all this a bunch of bullshit? Hell - I don't know.
One of my favorite life axioms is....
"That Last Breath was a Good One".
Love the guitar lead into this one and the lyrics.
If Life is Your Lover..... Give her one last kiss....
Before you die.
"Welcome Home"
You could've been all I wanted
But you weren't honest
Now get in the ground
You choked off the surest of favors
But if you really loved me
You would've endured my world
Well if you're just as I presumed
A whore in sheep's clothing
Fucking up all I do
And if so here we stop
Then never again
Will you see this in your life
Hang on to the glory at my right hand
Here laid to rest is our love ever longed
With truth on the shores of compassion
You seem to take premise to all of these songs
You stormed off to scar the armada
Like Jesus played martyr,
I'll drill through your hands
The stone for the curse you have blamed me
With love and devotion, I'll die as you sleep
But if you could just write me out
To neverless wonder... happy will I become
Be true that this is no option,
So with sin I condemn you
Demon play, demon out!
Hang on to the glory at my right hand
Here laid to rest is our love ever longed
With truth on the shores of compassion
You seem to take premise to all of these songs
One last kiss for you
One more wish to you
Please make up your mind girl...
I'd do anything for you
One last kiss for you
One more wish to you
Please make up your mind girl...
Before I hope you die
But you weren't honest
Now get in the ground
You choked off the surest of favors
But if you really loved me
You would've endured my world
Well if you're just as I presumed
A whore in sheep's clothing
Fucking up all I do
And if so here we stop
Then never again
Will you see this in your life
Hang on to the glory at my right hand
Here laid to rest is our love ever longed
With truth on the shores of compassion
You seem to take premise to all of these songs
You stormed off to scar the armada
Like Jesus played martyr,
I'll drill through your hands
The stone for the curse you have blamed me
With love and devotion, I'll die as you sleep
But if you could just write me out
To neverless wonder... happy will I become
Be true that this is no option,
So with sin I condemn you
Demon play, demon out!
Hang on to the glory at my right hand
Here laid to rest is our love ever longed
With truth on the shores of compassion
You seem to take premise to all of these songs
One last kiss for you
One more wish to you
Please make up your mind girl...
I'd do anything for you
One last kiss for you
One more wish to you
Please make up your mind girl...
Before I hope you die
So what have I learned from this little experience....
Well it just reinforces the belief that I profess to others on almost a daily basis....
You can't take Life for Granted.
It is to be lived each day to it's fullest with an acceptance and belief....
That it can end on that last breath...
And the Hope and Expectation....
That you will pass on to the....
Next Life.
Just another day in a Life of.....
Discovery.
As the World Turns...
You know despite our best efforts to make ourselves out to be more than we really are, the harsh reality are that we are just tiny specks of insignificant sand on the beach, being shifted in and out by the Tides of Life.
One of the Great Learnings of Life is that realization and that you just have to find your inner Peace and Self-Worth by your own Daily Life and Activities....
Simple Pleasures are the Best.....
Like Grits and Eggs and Turkey Bacon....
And a dramatic sunset....
And defining a few Life Virtues.... and working on Living your Life by those Virtues.
Thanks Mama.
Seen this one before..... but it's still one of my favorite.
Focus on saving each day and Life will take care of itself.
Some people focus on building a Network of Support around them.... family, friends, loved ones.
I take the opposite approach..... I find security, solace and safety being alone.
Was talking about this with my son and he reinforced this perspective saying I was like a wounded wolf who seeks its own den.... lest he return to the pack for comfort and be killed before weakening the pack.
I'm right there with you bro!
When I go, it will be on my terms, my time and myself.
Love this song, because you have to seek to be someone's SuperMan..... for a significant other... or just for yourself.
Another one of the simple things in life..... a Glass of Wine and a Roaring Fire!
Another secret to Peace and Happiness.....
Lean Meat and Veggies..... TJ's Organic Turkey Breast fortified with a wet mix of egg, hot sweet mustard, Srirach, Tabasco, Balsamic and Kikkoman and liberally seasoned with Salt, Pepper, Garam Masala, Hot Madras Curry Powder, Cumin and Turmeric.
Add in a stack of diced sweet onion, poblano and jalapeno peppers, carrots, bok choy and fuji apple.
2 tacos with extra mixed veggies made from the amped up Turkey Mix.
Seek to be your own Rockstar!
What I say to my cup of coffee every morning!
Open faced ground turkey breast sandwich with Claussen Dill pickle, salad and mixed veggies.
Praxis makes Perfect!
Warmup - Strength - WOD....
Bid Ed getting warmed up with some Squat Jerks!
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