Building the Perfect Woman....

So I was having this discussion with my daughter the other day and it ended up being the inspiration for this post.

I like to get feedback - positive or negative - from those close to me....

Not sure why that is, maybe I just want to see how I'm doing.... if what I'm doing is the right thing and that I'm meeting that particular person's needs and expectations of me.

My son is the Master of this having recognized it a long time ago.  He regularly gives me positive feedback and constructive criticism.  I really appreciate it because it requires some time, effort and thought on his part, which in and of itself, is a sign of caring.

Anyway I was talking to my daughter and asked her -

What do you consider my 3 greatest strengths?

Without much hesitation and with confidence and authority, she listed the following in this order:

• Verbal and Written Communication - According to her I am very good at expressing myself.  Wow - Chalk one up for me and for her.  My verbal and written communication is something I work on - like this blog - and I do actually feel I am better than the average stump at communication.
• Organization - She praised my thought and planning and how I organized my daily activities and life.  Double Wow - another thing that is a top 3 priority to me and she listed it in the top 3.  I think this girl may know me pretty well.
• Self-Discipline, Physical Fitness and General Work Ethic - She praised my self-discipline and dogged determination in seeking, obtaining and maintaining a lean and muscular body and sticking with a good diet and pursuing a healthy lifestyle.  Can you say 3-fer?  This girl has got me pegged.

And I have to say.... I was really surprised and amazed at how this young lady articulately, accurately and with no hesitation, laid out this little Dad evaluation.  Gotta say this girl has come a long way and I am so proud of her.

Moving on.....

After having my head blown up like this, I was almost afraid to get deflated but, in all fairness, had to ask the antithesis of my first inquiry....

What do you consider my 3 greatest weaknesses?  (Which is kind of a dichotomy - is there any such thing as a "great" weakness)..... Maybe I should say - What are my 3 worst weaknesses?  There - that sounds better... or worse.

This response began a little slower and unfolded in a different and somewhat unexpected manner.....

"Well - several years ago, I would've said that you didn't have a lot of patience and you flew off the handle too much.... but you don't do that anymore...."

"And you used to be harder on yourself and others... but you're not like that anymore...."

To which I responded.... "It's probably related to not working 80 hours a week and being stressed out all the time.  Getting in better health, eating better, controlling stress and working less can change you for the better".

And then she got serious and said.... "I will tell you one thing that really bothers me about you... The fact that you don't believe in Love anymore and that you have resigned yourself and the rest of your life to being alone".

Wow!  Holy Cut to the Core and Lay it on the Line Bat Woman!

And I have to say.... from her perspective and from my life experience and practice over the last few years....

She is absolutely right!

I have become very comfortable and happy being alone and not being involved with a Partner, Significant Other or whatever term you want to put on a Companion of the Close Emotional Persuasion.

I think there may be a number of reasons for this lifestyle preference:

• I have created a healthy lifestyle and life over the last few years and it hasn't included or required anyone else to do it.
• I am selfish of my time, activities and schedule and don't necessarily have the time, energy, money or motivation that is required to build and nurture a close relationship with anybody.
• In a nutshell, I'm kinda weird.... Ok maybe "weird" isn't the right word..... As my son has described me... "Dad - you're kind of on the fringe".  Not sure what that means or if it's good or bad, but I would probably agree with that.
• My thoughts, views, actions, approaches, perspectives, responses, reactions - the way I live my life - is definitely not typical, not for everybody and in fact, probably not for anybody.... but me.... thus the need to be alone because basically I can't imagine anyone else putting up with me nor would I want to subject anyone to that.
• One of my favorite sayings in life is a paraphrasing of Groucho Marx's famous "I wouldn't be a member of any club that would have me"...... My version - "I wouldn't have any Woman that would have me".
• I do keep my eyes and ears open for someone I might be compatible with, even just as a platonic friend type.... and the problem is, I haven't seen anyone that even comes close.... well maybe one, but when I dig a little deeper I realize that my interest is rooted in the fact that they are likely weirder than I am which creates a problem in and of itself.

So with all that said, if I was to "spec" the Perfect Woman for me, what would she look like and what would be some of her core qualities, preferences and characteristics?

• Might as well start with the physical part - that's where these things seem to start anyway...
• I guess she'd be about 5'6" and weigh about 120 lbs.... 
• No preference on hair color but I do like long hair.... 
• Eye color doesn't matter but I do like what I call bright and intelligent eyes - I mean I can look in someone's eyes and tell you in 10 seconds if there's anybody home or not.  What I don't want with a woman is "Scared Eyes" cause that indicates a history of problems or "Maneater Eyes" which belong to those women who are users and abusers of men..... can spot those 2 types a mile away.
• Might as well get this over with..... I do like a women to have ample breasts - don't have to be huge but I would like them to fill my hand.... not an absolute prerequisite but....
• And speaking of butt.... don't care what shape it is as long as there is one....  I mean it's got to have some kind of depth, thickness and substance..... If a woman turns sideways and you don't see something sticking out the back.... I'm walking.
• From an overall physical presence standpoint, I want the woman to be in good or great physical shape.  Doesn't have to be super lean but she should be flexible, fit and should look it.
• But I don't want her to be leaner than me..... I'm pretty lean and if a woman has less bodyfat than I do, then that probably won't work.
• And as far as facial features or looks or beauty, it really doesn't matter to me.... I've been with gorgeous women that wear a lot of make-up and with plainer women that don't wear a lot of make-up and everything in between and it just doesn't seem to be a big deal except for the fact that, almost without fail, my experience with beautiful women is that they seem to have a sense of entitlement.... I just haven't been around really pretty or attractive women who didn't seem to be high maintenance or that, because of their physical beauty, they felt like they didn't have to put out the same effort in a relationship as their less attractive counterparts.  And maybe for that reason, I tend to favor women who have more "down to earth" looks.
• As far as color, race or creed, I am the least biased Deep East Texas Coon Ass Redneck I know.  I don't give a shit if my partner is red, white, blue, yellow, black, white or any combo.  Everybody starts at the same point with me and are given the benefit of that perspective until they prove unworthy of it.
• Ok.... enough with the physical... let's move to the mental and emotional parts - the important stuff.
• Let me say this real quick - Intelligence is sexy.  I would rather wrap my mind and body around a beautiful mind than a beautiful face or body. I like to communicate, discuss, debate and dissect a lot of different topics and subjects - technical, analytical, relational, musical, historical, spiritual, philosophical, physical - and I want someone who can hold their own, carry the torch and lead the way if they are so inclined.
• Which segues into the communication part - I like talkers cause I'm a talker but I don't want to be the only one talking. The Silent Types don't interest me.  I mean I want a respectful communicator, but I definitely want someone who can hold their own in a discussion and give as good as they can get.
• I have worked really hard on being more even keeled over the last few years - not being moody or too up and too down - and have succeeded to some degree - and I respect and need that from a significant other.  Maybe the word for that is consistency and reliability.  I don't like to deal with a lot of drama and emotion and that requires a certain level of self-control and discipline.  I have come to expect that of myself and seek that in others.
• One of the reasons I moved away from the Texas Gulf Coast, besides the horrid climate, was the close-minded, it's my way or the highway, attitude that is prevalent there.  Despite my heritage and deep roots in the Deep South, I would consider myself relatively open-minded.  I'm willing to listen and consider opinions, perspectives and lifestyles that are different from mine and try to learn from those who practice them.  I expect the same from my partner.
• The rest of these are really just a hodge-podge of preferences and probably don't belong in any particular category.....
• Age - Hmmmm - that's a hard one cause I live, think and act younger than I am....  but kinda like color and race I really don't have a preference or bias on age other than I'm no cradle robber which probably means they gotta be > 40 and it would be hard to believe that anybody > 60 could meet the other criteria listed..... so maybe 40 - 60.
• Music is such a huge part of my life that I just can't imagine myself being around someone who doesn't share that passion.... and it turns out, in Santa Fe at least, NOBODY shares my passion for Rock or Metal Music so I guess it's too much to ask for a Rock loving chick to just materialize in front of my eyes, but if she did......
• As far as Spirituality, I seem to gravitate towards a viewpoint of Neutrality or maybe even an Uncertainty regarding Spirituality.  The dyed in the wool Christians really turn me off, because my experience is that these are the most fucked up hypocritical souls out there.  Give me an agnostic or a person who questions the Powers that Be and their own little insignificant presence in the Grand Scheme of Things and you're walking my talk.
• I like Travel, Adventure and Challenge and that's been my History and it will be my Future just as soon as I get this left knee fixed.  You gotta be able to Run and Gun and Stay up with Me whether it's on a bike, in the gym, over the Mountain or in another country.  I wanna go and see and do and you better keep up or you won't be with me long.
• I love to Cook and Eat.... and the woman I'm with better be able to keep up on both counts.  If you're a picky eater on < 1000 calories a day and don't like nutritious, highly seasoned food and lots of it and don't know how to prepare and consume mass quantities of it.... Exit Stage Left.
• Ok - let's wrap this up with the one that you're probably waiting on - the one that nobody wants to talk about - SEX - or at least the physical part of a relationship.  Believe it or not, this is not the most important thing to me.  Don't get me wrong.... I love Sex and truthfully, I have never had Bad Sex with any woman I have ever been with...  Sex is Good.... Sex is Right.... but it's not the end all and be all.  It's kind of a result.... Get all the other shit lined up right and the Sex will be right.  In connection with this, I'm a morning person.... nothing like a strong Cup of Coffee and Sex in the Morning.... Smells like Victory.... and that's the way to start any day.  

Geez - I could go on and on about this and may come back and add to this post later but I think this will do for now.

So.... Amy.... you were so worried about my attitude about Love and being Alone.

You find me someone who meets most of the criteria above and maybe just maybe.....

I'll change.

But for now, I'm happy being.....

Alone in Santa Fe.