You and Your Party or Partner or Significant Other or Family enter a Restaurant and there's a wait so you put your name on the list and eventually you hear the Host-ess with the Most-est come over the PA with....
"So and So... Party of However Many"
Well - for me - being the One Man Band that is playing - the Hostess' announcement is usually....
"William - Party of One".
Ok - so I've written quite a bit about my "aloneness" but probably never really focused on it as a basis for an entire post.
Until now.
What's the best way to begin this little Story of Wills' One?
How about these 3 versions of U2's One!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftjEcrrf7r0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgZ4ammawyI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFWPeVfWB9o
Back to the Future or the Here and Now - Where to Begin?
Probably at the beginning - which is usually a pretty good place to start - as opposed to the end and going backwards.
So - how did "William - Party of One" begin?
Let's go back about 55 years - 1962 - the year I was born and the year....
My Mom, Viola Miller, bought a set of 1962 World Book Encyclopedias and matching Dictionary set.
What's this have to do with the whole "Wills Alone" theme?
Be patient - I know - you want to know what time it is and I'm telling you how the watch works.
Well - just get used to it and STFU and....
Let me tell you a little story bout this Man named Wills
He didn't live in the Mountains or Beverly Hills
He grew up in the cow pastures and rice fields
Where he grew up hunting and killed
And planted and tilled.
Watching birds and all God's Creatures
Living in the Land and with the Land
And learning all its Features
His only Companions and Friends
The Meadowlark and the Owl Screecher.
Sitting on the step of the front door
As a child before reading
Opening his encyclopedia like a Crystal Ball
Turning the pages of his future without seeing
That every picture and every word
Was to the World so absurd.
That by Ten he was in
College without knowing
His Imagination and Knowledge growing
Beyond his years and despite his tears
No playing with peers
But working in fears
Of lack of money
Poverty they call it now.
He learned alone
Played alone
Worked alone
Grew up alone.
And they ask him now
Tell me Wills how
Did it come to be
That you're always alone
But never lonely?
Well now - there you have it - Life Imitates Art - or Art describes Life - right?
So yeah - for those not able to read the lines or in between the lines, I grew up in a rural, country environment at 3180 S. Major Drive (FM 364) in Beaumont, Texas.
There wasn't another kid my age for at least 2 miles for the first 6 years of my life.
I remember sitting on the front door step of my house at 3 maybe 4 years of age with a World Book Encyclopedia - I think there was like 20 books in the set from A - Z obviously - and just turning the pages and wondering what it said and looking at the pictures and getting up and going into my Mom and asking "Mom - what does this say? What is this about?" and her telling me and then the images meant something and I committed what my Mom told me and what I saw to memory.
And my Mom reading to me every night Bible stories that were beautifully illustrated...
Abraham and Isaac, Joseph and his coat of many colors, Gideon and his 300, Ruth and Boaz.
And I couldn't wait till I could read - so I could understand all of these books for myself....
Because that's all I had as a Companion - my Bible Books, my Encyclopedias, and....
Nature.
Beyond the fence of my back yard was a section (640 acres - a square mile) of cow pasture and beyond that miles of rice fields with intermittent tree lines, ditches, irrigation canals, an occasional mini oil derrick / pumper and dirt and shale roads. You can Google Earth it and still see that big cow pasture in the back - 55 years later!
Larger game like whitetail deer and feral hogs were not part of that landscape back then but are now.
Back then, it was small game and lots of birds - it was a fucking bird paradise - and at a very early age - I became an Ornithologist - a Birdwatcher.
Now let me throw this in right here - I grew up in an era and a community and culture where kids played outside and parents let them.
My Mother let me leave the yard alone - Ok - not alone - with my first dog, Doggie (I know - original name - right?), and roam (and I do mean roam) the fields well away from my house with the only stipulation on distance being that I remain close enough to where I could hear my Mother's voice when she hollered for me....
"Will-Yummmmmmmmm!"
And I mean for a little woman (5'2") - she had the pipes of a Swiss Mountain Horn - I remember being on the other side of that big field - nearly a half a mile away and being able to hear my Mother's voice.
I would jump up off the ground where I had been belly crawling for 30 minutes to try to get close enough to a Meadowlark to catch it in my hands - and yes - I actually did it a couple of times.
http://www.audubon.org/field-guide/bird/eastern-meadowlark
Anyway - I would hear my Mother's voice and jump up and start running back to the house hollering in my wee little 6 year old voice...
"I hear you Mommy! I'm coming!".
I was John James Fucking Audubon -
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_James_Audubon
Or at least I thought I was!
I roamed the fields stalking dove and quail and shooting and killing them with my Benjamin Franklin 342 .22 caliber pellet gun that I got for my 7th Christmas....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufwT87af_UI
Yep - you heard it right - I was out roaming the fields with the equivalent of a 22 rifle hunting, stalking and harvesting game birds at the age of 7. Actually I got my first gun - a Daisy BB rifle - at age 6.
I would come back with 4 or 5 doves by 9:00 am of a Sunday morning and pluck and gut and dress them and take them into my Mother who would proceed to make the Absolute Best Breakfast to this Day I have ever had...
Cast Iron Skillet Fried Dove
From Scratch Cat Head Biscuits - No Goddammit - there were no cat parts in the biscuits - this was what they were called because they were so big and fluffy they looked like a Cat Head!
Homemade Blackberry and Mayhaw Jelly
Creamy Southern Grits
Fried Eggs
And when I wasn't Hunting and Killing to Eat or raising home grown (they talk Organic now - I fucking lived it for the first 20 years of my Life) vegetables and fruit, I was out with a pencil and paper and sketching birds in their natural habitat.
And when I wasn't doing that, I was building Bird Feeders and elaborate Purple Martin Houses. Yeah - lots of people in Beaumont had Purple Martin houses in their back yard because they are the Most Organic Mosquito Killer there is known to Man!
http://www.audubon.org/field-guide/bird/purple-martin
How was I able to build all this shit?
Cause I got a jig saw (sabre saw) and skill saw when I was like 9 or 10 years old.
Can you imagine putting a power tool like this in the hands of a 9 year old these days?
Yeah I was a capable, independent, ingenuitive, ambitious little Fucker.
This looks very much like a Purple Martin house I made when I was 10 years old out of 3/4" plywood. I think mine had 24 compartments and was like a 4-decker with a steeple "penthouse" at each end!
Starting to get the picture?
Anyway - One of my most treasured possessions is a Roger Tory Petersen "Field Guide to the Birds of Texas" that I got from my Sister when I was 10, which I still have. I started a "Life List" of Texas birds observed in the Field which I continue to this day.
Notice I haven't mentioned playing with any other kids.
And for good reason - as I said earlier - there weren't any. I didn't grow up in a subdivision where you went next door to play with Jimmy or Jane or where kids rode their bikes in the streets.
The closest kid to me was 2 miles away and his name was Jimmy Akers.
I do remember riding my Banana Seat bicycle the 2 miles to his house when I was 7 or 8 and playing with him but this was not an everyday occurrence.
Remember these??
So, again, my Friends were Books and Nature.
I was Alone....
And they kept me Company.
Actually not Bad Company and Company I still keep and treasure to this day.
I guess they were my Brother and Sister in Arms.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_VsvZmIWxY
Let's keep moving.
I did go to a Public Elementary School from 1st - 4th grade - Amelia Elementary.
But, I also grew up a devout Seventh-Day Adventist (courtesy of my Mother) which not many people know about me.
And let me just preface and qualify what is to follow with the following:
- I'm characterizing the SDA religion based on what I remember and what I experienced almost 50 years ago.
- There is no malice or forethought or attempt to criticize, denigrate or diminish the Seventh Day Adventist religion or any member or follower thereof.
- I am simply recounting what I remember through the eyes and experience of a child and adolescent.
There - I'm qualified - or at least I tried to qualify.
How would I describe being a Seventh Day Adventist as a kid from the perspective of an adult?
It is like a cross between the most devout Bible Banging Baptist and the strictest, most literal Orthodox Jew - a legalistic Nightmare for a kid - or at least this Kid.
First of all, the SDA's were the original "Health, Diet and Nutrition" Lifestyle Gurus - which is not a bad thing - unless it's taken to extremes - like everything else in Life.
They formed Post and Kellogg and were into and creating natural and organic healthy foods and diets in the 1840's way before anybody else.
They formed Post and Kellogg and were into and creating natural and organic healthy foods and diets in the 1840's way before anybody else.
They were one of the "original" vegetarians having formed "Vegetarian Food" companies that I remember being in the Commissary at the Beaumont SDA Church when I was a little Kid in the mid and late 60s. They had Veggie Burgers in a can before they were the latest Hot and Trendy thing on the menu.
They follow Leviticus 22 to the T -
Cloven footed animals only.
No scavengers.
No birds of prey.
No animals without skeletons - like oysters, shrimp, lobsters, etc.
No fish with skin - scales only...... yada yada yada....
They observe the Sabbath (sounds Jewish - right?) just like the Jewish faith - from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown.
During that 24 hour period, you can't (or at least at that time in the 60s and 70s) play, watch TV, listen to secular music, see a movie....
Basically - you couldn't do anything of Pleasure - it was intended to be a 24 hour period or a Day of Worship where all efforts, attention, talk, everything was supposed to be about God and worship of God.
So - functionally - what that meant to a little kid like me was I couldn't play on Saturdays.
Hell - I couldn't even watch cartoons or TV.
Or as an adolescent - Dance - Oh Holy Shit - Dancing as a Seventh Day Adventist was the Biggest Taboo ever!
Can you imagine me NOT DANCING?!*%$@!
When I first started dancing when I was like 15 - it was like this Incredible Spirit and Energy had been awakened inside me....
Or let out of a Tomb!
And - most importantly - I couldn't engage in any normal kid activities on Saturdays like being on a Baseball or Football team - or any group sport - because, obviously, practice and / or the games were almost always on Saturday.
So even if I wanted to be part of a group of Peers (or play like a normal kid with other kids), a lot of that opportunity was taken away from me by the administration and legalism of the Seventh Day Adventist religion.
You could, however, go on Nature Walks or be in Nature.
A-Haaaa! I got my Out so I got In the Out or I got Out and got In it - the Great Outdoors that is.
Alone - just Me and My Dog and Nature.
So there ya go - Mo Data on the whole Alone thing!
Continuing the whole religion thing and how it relates to William - Party of One....
From 5th - 8th grade, my dear Mother (I ain't blaming her - I'm just telling you what happened) decided the best thing to do for me was to take me out of Public School and put me in a Seventh Day Adventist Church School.
So she took me out of a perfectly good Public School System where I had great experiences, great teachers and lots of classmates and put me into...
A church school where the total population of students for ALL of grades 1 - 8 was....
20!
Yep - you heard me right - the whole fucking school from grades 1 - 8 had 20 students - and there was never more than 4 including me in my grade.
Holy Deflated Social Interaction Batman!
There was good and bad in that situation as there is with all school situations but what I remember most about my experience with the Seventh Day Adventist Church School for those 4 years was 2 things:
- The incredible financial burden the monthly tuition was on my family - it probably wasn't that much in terms of absolute dollars - but when you're barely eaking out a living - anything extra is too much - and I remember my Dad having to take on 2 or 3 extra jobs to pay for my tuition and that of my sisters who also were sent off to a SDA High School Academy - Oh my sisters will say different - that they paid for every penny of their costs at Jefferson Academy but that's bullshit - I saw the fucking checks my Mother made out to good ole Jefferson Academy so I know better.
- The other thing was that the other kids in my class picked up, personified, perpetuated and persecuted me on many matters of the SDA legalism including what I ate and drank because most of them were vegetarians and I often brought sandwiches or whatever containing meat even though it was "clean" meat per Leviticus 22 and I brought drinks with caffeine like Dr Pepper and most SDA's eliminate caffeine from their diet. The little fuckers were merciless in their ridicule of me. I probably would have gotten less harassment in a class of 100 in public school than I would have that tiny, legalistic SDA hellhole I was in for 4 years.
So that didn't help the whole Alone thing much.
Yeah - I'm kinda feeling some Godsmack right now - like Fuck 'em All!
Continuing the Chronology....
I went back to Public School for High School at Forest Park High School which is now Westbrook.
And that was probably one of the best experiences of my life.
I kinda sprouted, blossomed and grew out of the One-Person Hole and became a Jack of All Trades of Socialization - Master of Being a Chameleon with all groups and types.
There were 4 distinct groups at Forest Park High School when I attended:
- Nerds / Geeks - the Brains and Intellectuals
- Jocks - Self explanatory
- Goat Ropers, Rednecks, ShitKickers - FFA (Future Farmers of America with their blue coats and FFA emblems), Hunters and Fishermen, etc.
- Jels or Jellyheads - the Dope Smokers
Guess what?
I was Friends with and hung out with ALL of them.
Why?
Because I was PART of ALL of them - except the Jels - I never smoked dope in high school or college.
But some of the Jels were crossovers - they played football or were hunters or whatever so I ran in their crowd too and was accepted.
Yeah - you heard me.
I had a 4.0 in High School so I was always challenging the Nerds and the Geeks and often had the best grades in class and beat their best players in the lunch Chess matches.
Starting at 14, I told my Mother - Fuck Church and Fuck the Seventh Day Adventists - I'm gonna do my own thing and run Track and Play Football... so I did. So I was part and parcel to the Jocks.
Of course I was a Country Boy at Heart and in Function and Growing Up - so I fit right in with the Goat Roper crowd only I never chewed tobacco or dipped Skoal in high school or college. And I took all the Rich Lawyer, Doctor and Dentist kids hunting on their fancy leases as like a personal guide cause their Daddies didn't have time to take their own kids cause they were too busy making money.
And it was funny - part of my acceptance in the World of the Jels is that I would never smoke a cigarette or a joint with them. My steadfast and consistent resistance to their "conversion attempts and tactics" won their admiration, respect and acceptance into their little Club.
So yeah - I guess I kinda made up for a lot of childhood and prior years of lack of socialization in high school but I still maintained my Own Identity and Independence.
I was Everybody's Everything but I was...
Still My Own Thing.
Still Me.
My Die was already set - I was....
William - Party of One.
You are what you were when you were 7 - Right?
And what I was when I was 7 was this Kid running the Fields and reading World Book Encyclopedias!
Alone.
And despite what People Want You to Be.... all you can be is...
What You Are.
Fast Forward past Failing at Raising 2 Wives and Succeeding at Raising 2 kids (not sure there's a difference - how did I fail at one and succeed at the other?) - and here I am in...
Santa Fe.
And I am probably more "William - Party of One" now as a 55 year old than I was as a 5 year old.
Only now I probably have more of a choice.
I can choose to be Alone or choose to be with People.
And most of the time I choose to be -
Alone.
Why?
I don't know - that's probably a Shrink question.
Maybe it's more of my Comfort Zone.... Maybe it's easier.... Probably less expensive.
Geez - everytime I've been "together" for a long time with a woman, it's cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars.
The other aspect of this whole William - Party of One thing that I haven't explored yet is kind of a Twist of Words imitating actual Life that I am apt to do and that is....
I am my own Party!
I know that sounds Weird, Egocentric and Whatever but really and truly I kind of entertain myself.
Probably cause that's what I used to have to do as a Kid.
I have a lot of Parties (People and Activities) going on in my head and they keep me challenged, entertained, laughing, crying and pretty much busy.
The few people that I have let into my Life, and who have been unfortunate enough to get a look see into this Wacky World of Wills, marvel at how much shit is going on inside that daring, demented, divided, divisive, balanced and imbalanced Mind of Mine.
I've had people (mainly women) say at a particular bar or dance place....
"I don't get it. You come into (this place) alone, You dance alone, and You leave alone. You don't seem to have a Girlfriend or anybody you hang out with. That's kinda Weird - don't you think?"
Yeah - I guess it is - but you know what?
You gotta Be Yourself!
You gotta dance with who brung ya.
And Who brung me to this Dance of Life is....
William - Party of One!!!
And I kinda like his Company!
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