Opinions are like Assholes.... Everybody has One

It's an old saying that I had to pull out of the Deep East Texas archives when responding to a "friend" of mine who was doing a face to face followup regarding her written "attack" of one of my recent posts.

The lady had commented on my "Me Too - Yeah Men can be Victims too" post.  Her contentious rebuttal was that the "Me Too" was about Sexual Harassment of Women by Men and that my post had very little to do with that in regards of the converse of that.

I just did my best shit-eating grin back at her pasted on eternal smile (remember I don't trust people who smile all the time) and said....

"That's OK.  Opinions are like Assholes.... Everybody has one just like every Asshole has an Opinion".

She walked away trying to figure out whether I was calling her an Asshole or not.

I guess - if the shoe fits - Cinderella - wear it!

Here's the post of contention for reference -

http://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2017/10/me-too-yeah-men-can-be-victims-too.html

And in the original text exchange with her, I did make it clear that was NOT the "Message of the Market" or the post - i.e. all about Sexual Harassment. What I was trying to convey was that because Men are wired differently from Women, victimization of Men by Women can take many different forms, some of which may be more long term damaging to the Men than Sexual Harassment is to Women.

I tried to conclude the fast declining text communication by simply stating, and I am paraphrasing for brevity....

"Hey I've tried to explain my position.  Sorry you don't agree.  At the end of the day,  it's my blog and I'll write what I want how I want and if you don't like it, don't read it or go start your own blog".

This explanation was probably a little more aggressive than it needed to be but was presented in the context of a private text conversation.

My dear "fiend" (yes - there is no msp there) decided to cut / paste our text conversation into the "Comments" section of the WRONG post ("I'm just a Simple Man" - which tells you something right there - Geez if you're gonna criticize a post, at least do it on the correct post) AND to delete the sections of the text where I attempted to explain my position and the basis of the post and just present the snippet where I said "It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to" section.

Naturally, I copied the entire sequence of texts into my reply so that all my 4.5 readers would know the entire Truth not just the Truth this valued reader was trying to craft.

Which gets me back to the whole purpose, context and content of this post.

Expressing your opinion in the environment of a discussion, exchange or dialog especially if there is disagreement.

There's several points I want to convey on this whole subject so, as I have said many times, because of my propensity for lists.... here's my list of thoughts on the subject matter:

First, try not to enter into any point of potentially contentious discussion without doing your own due diligence.  This is another way of saying "Know Your Shit!"

In connection with and in support of this notion, I have found Confirmation Bias - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias - to be a disease that has infected a large percentage of the population in Santa Fe NM.

Confirmation bias, also called confirmatory bias or myside bias,^{[Note 1]} is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one's preexisting beliefs or hypotheses.^[1] It is a type of cognitive bias and a systematic error of inductive reasoning. People display this bias when they gather or remember information selectively, or when they interpret it in a biased way. The effect is stronger for emotionally charged issues and for deeply entrenched beliefs. 

Confirmation bias is an inherent characteristic of all human behavior.  I am subject to it and sometimes servant to it just like everybody else.

However, because I am aware of the negative aspects of it, I do my best to keep an open mind, listen respectfully and present what I think to be true based on my interpretation of the data and information, in a somewhat "Hey - here are my sources; here is my data; this is the basis for my thinking" sort of way.

Which segues into my 2nd point on Opinion.

If you are discussing any subject of substance, you should be able to provide specific sources of information, links, source material that support or at least give some basis to your position.

This one little element - Present Your Data - does several Positive Things that can keep a Discussion on a Discussion basis as opposed to it degrading it into an Argument.

Exchange of information is just that.  It is intended to provide new information to the "interested" party.  Note I said "interested" party because, again, my experience is that most people who suffer from CB (Confirmation Bias), which is most people, are not interested in taking in new information especially when it challenges their CB.

Another thing that providing data to a discussion partner does is that it directs or at least guides the discussion to focus on data and information rather than the people involved.

The only times I have ever encountered personal attacks, criticisms or denigration in a discussion is when the other party failed to acknowledge, examine or consider the data, experiences or background information I was providing as a basis for my opinion.

My 3rd rule of thumb on exchanging opinion is to keep an Open Mind and Listen Intelligently and with an Error on the Side of Compassion for the Passion that the other individual may be conveying in their disclosure of opinion.

As stated in the definition above, CB is almost always deeply rooted in emotion and emotion usually comes from personal history or experience and some of it may not be pretty and some of it may be pretty painful.

I am always curious about what lies beneath.  And the deeper the emotion conveyed in the conversation on any subject matter, the more likely the deeper the issue is in that person's mind and memory.

Questions like the following are ways of getting the other person to reveal the Real Reason for their Opinion Season:

"How did you get involved with this?"

"Sounds like you've spent a lot of time thinking about this - what drives your passion for this?"

"Was there a seminal event or some change or crisis that made you become a voice for this cause?"

Finally, one technique I use to challenge and motivate a discussion of disclosure of opinions is what I call "Fire for Effect".

Even if I have no specific opinion or position on a subject, I will present information or dialog that challenges the other participant's point of view and tests their mettle for "Material Support".

Basically, it's a "Do you know your Shit?" Test.

In most cases, it's kind of a shot across the bow just to see what the person is made of.

Do they represent an Informed Opinion?

Do they follow any semblance of the Scientific Method in forming their opinion?

Or do they just use the latest news broadcast on CNN, Fox News or the local newspaper to fill their data banks?

Which results in them just being a Parrot for the Media.

There's a lot of Opinion that can be expressed on Opinions.

I would submit that it is better to have an Informed, Open and Data-based Opinion.

Lest you become just another....

Asshole with an Opinion.