Seeking Grace to fill the Holes in My Life

2016 has been a Year that has revealed Many Holes in my Game of Life.

I'll write a separate post on what I've learned about myself and life in general based on the incredible dynamics I have been a part of this year, but will use this reality and concept as a basis for a more specific learning that is the subject of this post.

Grace is a characteristic or attribute I have had no understanding or appreciation of for most of my life.

In fact, I probably considered it a weakness, which, in retrospect, was a weakness.

And a Gap or a Hole in my Life.

Grace is one of those things that is hard to describe but you know it when you see it or experience it - kinda like Charisma.

grace

ɡrās/

noun

1. 1.

   simple elegance or refinement of movement.

   "she moved through the water with effortless grace"

   synonyms:

   elegance, poise, gracefulness, finesse; More
2. 2.

   (in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

verb

1. 1.

   do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence.

   "she bowed out from the sport she has graced for two decades"

   synonyms:

   dignify, distinguish, honor, favor;

See what I mean?

Have had the good fortune of getting to know a person who personifies the Concept of Grace.

For the sake of Simplicity and the Purpose of this Post, I will just call her Grace.

Frankly, it made me uncomfortable at first.... being in the presence of Grace.

It was kind of one of those Moth to the Flame sort of things.

I realized if I got too close it was gonna be destructive to what I was.  Which it turns out is probably not a bad thing.

My Aggressive, Crude and Edgy persona coming in contact with the Soft Face and Space of Grace.

Through the Circumstances of Time and Effort, I grudgingly and gradually began to realize the Benefits of Grace.

Grace separates itself from the Menial and Mundane Machinations of Life.

She rises above the Petty and Petulant and Guides, Leads and Counsels by Presence.

Anyone taking the time to appreciate Grace realizes that Grace is experienced and not influenced.

Grace makes her own way in Life and Parts the Seas of Daily Challenges in front of her.

Grace suggests and provides opportunity for consideration, reflection and change..... Uggggh..... there's that Socratic Method again that I so loathe.

But in reality, it is the best way to affect change because it leads a person to Realization which is the first of the R's on the Road to Recovery.

And in so doing, Grace guided me toward a Softer Side of Music - see how Grace uses those things we value most to affect change in things we need the most?

A simple song from Coldplay - The Scientist - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8KmhmpaKuk

Brought me to a song from Snow Patrol - a group I had never listened to - and a song I had never heard...

Chasing Cars -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaKr98ktoxU

Every great song has a hook and for me the hook for this song was the line....

"I need your Grace to remind me to find my Own".

Grace accepts and realizes that too much Grace is not always a Good Thing either.

Part of the Grace of Grace is the Willingness to Accept and Change the fact that Grace is not an End all and Be All for Life but an Advantage that can be Honed and Edited.

So Grace gains some Edge and I become more Grace-ful.

Cause we all have Holes in our Hearts and Holes in our Lives....

And Sometimes all it takes is a little Grace to fill them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW7WH2j4Y3o

I Always try to Never say 2 Words - Always and Never!

I know - kind of a strange title and concept for a Thanksgiving morning but it's part of a bigger picture that I am thankful for - so I figured it might be a good way to start off the day.

While professing to be an Extremist.....

Which I am.

And what I consider to be a "Fringe" person -

http://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/06/are-you-fringe-person.html

Which I am.

I have learned and adapted to the reality that there are No Absolutes in Life.

Things have happened that I thought would NEVER happen - there ya go - I did it already.

I have done things I NEVER thought I would do - Good and Bad.

But, despite, my natural tendency to be unique and different, I have realized the need and the benefit of not ALWAYS being so.

Or at least not being so much so.

People are initially comically amused and perhaps even interested in Extreme, Fringe people but quickly are offended, challenged or threatened by those who think and do differently from themselves.

It's difficult to be confident and committed to your own life style and life principles and still be considerate of and give credence to diverse and different viewpoints of how to live life.

Used to be, my initial reaction was to engage in a "debate" or to defend my way of doing things and attack or "constructively criticize" (another one of those "what I really mean when I say" kinda phrases) the other person's methodology.

Turns out it's just a waste of Time and Energy and creates a negative interaction.

Maybe there's nothing wrong with seeking a Middle Ground between the Poles of Right and Wrong.

It's one of the reasons I no longer Burn Bridges.

You simply cannot understand how the Complexities of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness can Conspire to Create Circumstances and Controversies that will force you to retreat to a place of Scorched Earth.

I had an experience recently where a person I cared about told me "I will NEVER ask for your help again.".

And my first reaction was to say....

"Ooh..... I would NEVER say that".

When I say ______, What I Really Mean is ______!

This is a post that I have content on going back over 20 years when I worked at a chemical plant in Freeport Texas.

The operators I worked with developed this "2nd language" to communicate between themselves about the stupid shit and people they had to deal with on a daily basis.

They actually had small business card sized laminated badges that they attached behind their company badge to refer to for this 2nd language.

Phrases and responses I remember with their real meanings were as follows:

• "I think you just need some more training" which really meant "You're a fucking idiot."
• "That's very interesting" which translates to "Who gives a shit what you think?"
• "Let me give that idea some more thought" aka "Why don't you take that idea and run it up your ass!"

You can probably understand now why I cuss so much.  It was part of the language and culture I worked in for over 20 years.

Nowadays the "Hidden Meaning" of things is much more socially acceptable and camouflaged.

For instance, I had a friend of mine tell me the other day "Well we just have differences in style."  I told her...

"Yeah - what you really mean is that you can't believe I think or act that way!" 

Another good one I heard was "I need some time to digest this".  

What that really means is "What you just said made me want to throw up!" 

Yeah I hear this kind of counter speak all the time and it frankly makes me want to throw up.

I'm continuously telling people that I give a shit about.... just tell me what you think in simple and direct English.

I'm a Big Boy - I can take it - and if I don't like it, I'll tell you as much real quickly and directly.

Reminds me of a conversation I had with another friend this morning who texted me and said she had just read my blog and thought there was "an interesting array of topics."

"Interesting is a nice way of saying weird and deviant" was my response.

Or when someone says you have a "diverse" view of things what they probably mean is you have a "perverse" view of things.

It's no secret.... I loathe the Socratic Method.

I don't like double speak or being protected or manipulated in a conversation.

Just tell me what you think in plain simple English.

And let me make my own conclusions.

That's what I said....

And that's what I mean.

Thanksgiving Braised Pork Shoulder and Veggies

Anybody that knows me knows that pork is my favorite meat.

It's cheap, flavorful and if you don't cook it to death can be just as moist and juicy as beef.

Well there are 2 ways of cooking it a long time that yield that unctious delicacy known as pulled pork....

Both are low and slow - Smoking and Braising.

I prefer the Braising method cause I don't wanna tend a fire for 6 hours.

I've done my braised Pork Butt on this blog before but it's been a while so I figured I'd do an update for this Thanksgiving.

I start with an array of root veggies - sweet potatoes, turnips, rutabagas and parsnip.

And of course and array of colorful peppers - Poblano, Jalapeno and Red - Green - Orange Bell peppers.

And sweet onion.

I love the taste of ginger and garlic too so we'll dice some of that up and throw in the mix eventually.

And a few bay leaves.

That's the Pork Butt on the left which has been seasoned for 2 days with a thick dry rub of Meat Tenderizer, Salt, Pepper, Curry mix, Garam Masala, Allspice, Cumin and Turmeric.

So first off, dice up all the root veggies and season with the same seasoning - spice combination as the meat.

I season and brown everything first in smoking hot cast iron skillets before I braise it.

I've done it both ways - no browning and browning - and browning by far yields the better taste for the braising liquid, veggies and meat.  There's something about the high heat searing of the seasoning to the outside of the veggies and meat that creates a whole nother depth of flavor.

Next is the peppers.

And then the sweet onions.

Then I give the meat itself a helluva browning on every side.

Summer Squash...

Holy Blindness Batman - I almost forgot the carrots!

Put the meat in the bottom of the pot and pile all the veggies in and then add a quart of chicken broth / stock to the pot.

Add water to bring the liquid level up to the brim of the pot.

Then in a 225 - 275 degree oven for 5 - 6 hours.

I could braise at 225 degF at sea level in Lake Jackson Tx but here in Santa Fe at 7200' elevation, the braising seems to work better around 275 degF.

After about 4-1/2 - 5 hours, dice up your final soft veggies and greens like Baby Bella mushrooms, cilantro and basil.

And add to the pots.

Add water as necessary to bring the level back up in the pot.

Finally, put a good bit of seasoned kale in the pot.

Back in the oven for another hour.

And there ya go.... that's a pot of veggie - meat - broth goodness that will make you happy on Thanksgiving or any other day of the year!

Did anybody ever tell you that you look like.....

Clint Eastwood, Sean Penn, Barry Manilow, Siegfried of Siegfried and Roy, Johnny Hallyday, Steve McQueen....

I've been told I look like all of the above and a few more over the last couple of years.

I was gonna post pictures of myself with pictures of each of these to compare but frankly, I don't think I look like any of them....

Well maybe Clint Eastwood.

But it brings up an interesting question about human behavior or perhaps human perceptions.

Why do some people think I look like someone famous?

I asked my astute and world-wise son this question.

And he replied almost instantaneously in his concise, matter of fact manner....

"Because you're lean, tan and muscular like a lot of famous people."

To which I replied....

"Well I guess (like being an Engineer), there's worst things in the World than being lean, tan and muscular."

Being an Engineer isn't the Worst Thing in the World

Didn't know I was an Engineer?

Yep - a Chemical Engineer - graduated from Lamar University in 1984 with a B.S. in Chem E.

Went to work at Dow Chemical in Freeport Tx and worked there for 22 years in a variety of Petrochemical Plant Operations, Maintenance, Project, Safety, Quality Assurance / Quality Control, Estimating, Planning, Scheduling and Commissioning functions.

You name it... if it had to do with running, maintaining, designing, building, commissioning, starting up or shutting down a petrochemical plant... I probably did it or watched it done or was involved in it in some way.

And got ridiculed, belittled and criticized for being an Engineer that whole time.

Oh, part of it was the uneducated Redneck culture of much of the Operators and Maintenance people I worked with and the general populous who doesn't have a fucking clue what an Engineer does or what he / she knows.

And, frankly, part of it was that a lot of Engineers can quote the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics and write several equations based on it, but don't have a practical, functional, real World Understanding of Much of Anything and can't apply any of the theory they pontificate to anything meaningful in life, such as getting work done.

Now with all that said, here's what a Good Engineer does know.

They know how the World Works.

They understand the physical, functional, mechanical, chemical, electrical, biochemical and economical basis and makeup of the World and much of everything in it.

And they understand why the World doesn't Work.... and how to fix it.

And here's the most important part.....

They understand how to solve problems... maybe not psychological, emotional or relational problems -

But they understand how to analyze a system, a work process or a challenge and apply the scientific method or at least an organized and analytical approach to solving a problem.

They know and understand how to organize the 3 M's of work:  Manpower, Machinery and Materials and can coordinate that with the 4th Dimension of getting work done.....

Time.

And they know when someone is Bullshitting them.

It's hard to run a con or to mislead an Engineer because they can disseminate information and extract mistruths and divergences from it.

Because that's the way an Engineer's mind works.

And yes, I understand, Engineers can be rigid know-it-all's.

Part of the Problem is that Engineers don't know it all, but they know a lot, and frankly, they get tired of dealing with people who don't know very much but purport the opposite.

At this point in my career, I can walk into about any physical / functional problem solving situation or scenario and make a positive contribution.  I've been doing it for the last 10 years as an Independent Contractor. I don't have to know the business or the technology or be an expert in the area.  The ability to problem solve is transferable, universal and knows no boundaries of field, vocation or geography.

And I guess that's the thing that has impressed me the most about being an Engineer over the last few years.

I've realized that all that anal retentiveness, making lists and plans and approaching everyday in a somewhat organized and methodical way....

Has its advantages.

It puts me way ahead....

Of those that don't.

Take Time before you have Sex

I know.... I sound like your mother.

And this is another one of those topics and opinions that has as many approaches and opinions as there are penises and vaginas in the world.

But here me out on this.

And first off, let me say I am no expert on this subject....

Having Sex or When to Have Sex.

But as usual, let me remind you, this is my blog and I'll write about what I want to write about while trying not to offend or defend anyone in the process.

So here goes.

I think there's a lot of advantages to a relatively extended period of time between the time you meet someone and the time you have intimate relations with them.

And of course, I realize it depends on the individuals and how much time they spend together in any given period of time and blah blah blah.

And of course, if you don't care about taking risks or you just want to have sex for the sake and purpose of having sex, then by all means meet the guy or girl and take them home that night.

But here are a few reasons why not to do that.

I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character and that I can size people up pretty well in a first meeting but let's face it.... I'm not and I can't.

You meet someone for the first time and you get a good impression and good vibes but there is no way on God's Green Earth that you can know the true character and disposition of that person in one meeting.

And people can act.... And they can fool you.... for a long time.

So how the fuck do you know you're not having a one night stand with some really deranged person or not?

And what their history is?

And how many people they've slept with?

And I know you should use protection but that's not the point. There are ways to get stuff that a condom doesn't protect you against.

Now if you're around that same person 5, 10, 15, 20 times over a period of months and you see them in a variety of situations, environments, settings.... then maybe just maybe you might just get to know the real person that you're wanting to have sex with.

Ok, Fine.... you take the fast lane and you have sex with a person on the first or second date and then God forbid, you find out you really don't like the person and then there's all the awkwardness and bad feelings you have to go through dealing with that.

For those lucky enough to live in a big city, that's probably no big deal.  They just fade into the populated landscape and hopefully you don't have to end up blocking them from your cell phone or email.

In a place like Santa Fe where everybody knows everybody or they know somebody who knows you, you might as well be going to bed with all of Santa Fe.  Think 2 degrees of separation.

Now let's address a more significant issue.

And again, I realize this doesn't apply to everyone.  Some people can have great sex and enjoy it and not think anything about whether they know the person or even like them.

Great.... for them.

But for me, the special part of sex or making love or whatever you want to call it, is actually feeling somewhat close and comfortable with your partner.  For me, it's all about Quality and not Quantity.

When I have sex, I want it to be memorable.  Let me rephrase that.... I want to Make a Memory.

Hell - if I want a daily physical activity, I can just go work out.

When I make love, I want it to be a great physical experience but more importantly I want it to be a memorable spiritual and emotional experience.

And for me, to get to that point....

It takes time.

The Seasons Pass whether we are there or not

This simple fact of life has gained more meaning with me over the past couple of years.

Despite having relocated to Santa Fe NM from the Gulf Coast of Texas, the fact is that my travel back and forth, whether it be to deal with the results of a lifetime of old injuries and physical deterioration or to work and make money so I can afford to stay in Santa Fe, has caused me to miss much of the transition of the seasons which was the reason I moved to Santa Fe in the first place.

Kind of ironic but perhaps appropriate.

That which we seek - for me a refuge and change from the one season of culture and seasons - is the very reason for missing the change of seasons I seek.

I lost my "Q"

As I have grown older, I have found greater significance and meaning in the small, inconsequential and mundane happenings in life.

Such an event occurred the other day when I was typing on my 6 year old Windows XP laptop.... a hand me down from my 2nd wife that is indicative of my life in many ways.

One of my more recently excepted and accepted Life Axioms is.....

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

If it fulfills a function - meets a need - does the job, just keep using it and doing it..... until it doesn't anymore.

Complete failure is an option that I now weave into my fabric of life as a hint to take action..... aka.....

http://willsonwheels.blogspot.com/2016/09/ill-cross-that-bridge-when-in-it.html

And this fucking Dell Windows XP laptop with Office 2007 just won't quit.

Oh, it's caught a couple of viruses recently, but I took it to my computer doc in Santa Fe and he fixed it and handed it back to me with the recommendation..... "You know - you really need to get a new computer."

Obviously, he doesn't read my blog.

So anyway, I was typing up a report the other day on my antiquated laptop and went to type the word "questions" and ended up with "uestions" which is a really weird looking word or a word looking weird - which is pretty much the same thing only backwards and what happens when you take the "Q" from a word where it belongs.

I quickly realized my "Q" wasn't working.... which in and of itself conjures up all kinds of Life Theme sort of Thoughts.....

Well it does for me anyway.

At first, I just worked around my missing "Q" by using the symbol "?'s" for "questions" but quickly found out that this doesn't work for all the "Q's" in my vocabulary or my life.

Because despite the fact that the letter "Q" represents the thinnest slice in the dictionary pie, it does contribute a lot of really cool words that we can't do without in our vocabulary or our life....

Quiet, Quake, inQuire, reQuire, Quest, Question, uniQue, Queen, Queer.....

I mean these are really meaningful words, many of which I resemble at times.

"Q" is like EF Hutton - doesn't have much to say but when it does you better listen.

Oh and for you X's, Y's, Millenials or anybody that isn't more than 50 years old, who doesn't have a clue who EF Hutton is.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MXqb1a3Apg

I remember a series of Star Trek: The Next Generation, that featured a character named "Q" who was kind of an intergalactic Brat Know-it-All who didn't have complete control of his seeming omnipotence....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_(Star_Trek)

From that Wikipedia link:

Q is a fictional character in Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and Star Trek: Voyager, as well as in related media. In all of these programs, he is portrayed by John de Lancie. Q is a being who is unconstrained by, and possesses power over, normal human notions of time, space, and even reality itself – his fellow Q and he are said to be omnipotent, and he is continually evasive regarding his motivations. The name "Q" also applies to all other individuals of the Q Continuum – an alternate dimension accessible to only the Q and their guests. The true nature of the realm is said to be beyond the comprehension of "lesser beings" such as humans, therefore it is shown to humans only in ways they can understand.

Here's a few tongue in cheek YouTube clips to better link (pardon the punny) the concept of "Q" from STNG with the importance of "Q" in life -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKG1fxvxed4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeKwrjbji1g

Incidentally that rotating blue object in the clip above does kind of resemble my Dell laptop.... and love the Mr Data ad lib overdub.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_Wru5teAPw

At the 1:54 mark..... A kick in our complacency?  Really - what a concept!

So when I lost my "Q" on my keyboard and intermittently started generating word gibberish, I kinda felt like I had entered a different dimension of lesser being.

So naturally, I had to get my "Q" back, so I Googled "Losing my Q" and found all kinds of IT and other lifestyle suggestions, of which the simplest, easiest one was to just plug a new keyboard into my laptop via a USB cable and press on...

Which I did.

Now my Rocked World is Rock Steady with my "Q" restored.

But it made me Think.....

Which is never a Safe and Secure State....

I hope I never lose my "Q" in Life.

Playing Chicken at the Speed of Life

Most of the time when I sit down to write a post like this one, I kinda have it already written in my mind or at least have some thoughts and concepts that I want to piece together.

In this case, not so much so.... just a title and a few past experiences.

So let's just "flow" and see what happens.

Almost everybody's familiar with the Game of Chicken.

Likely the most well known form of Chicken is when 2 opponents or rivals settle their differences by getting into cars at opposite ends of some roadway and then accelerate towards each other on what seems to be a bi-suicidal collision course.

One way the game is played out is that at some point one of the idiots "chickens out" and averts collision by swerving off the center line.

In the other scenario, well, you know what happens.

A milder form of the Game of Chicken is a Staredown. And let me just say a Staredown is not limited to guys.  I've seen some pretty vicious Staredowns and even more vicious Aftermaths where Women were involved.

In the case of the Staredown Chicken, the first one that blinks, literally or figuratively, is the Loser.

In the arena of Human Behavior, the Game of Chicken is one of the stupidest acts one can participate in, but is an interesting study in the Battle of Wills, Pride and Stubbornness that we oft find ourselves in in everyday life.

As implied, The Game of Chicken can be played out on nearly any Avenue of Life where lines are drawn, principles are set and reasonable discussion has ended.

As explained above, the Rules of Chicken, if that's what you can call them, are pretty simple.

First one that blinks or averts collision is the Loser.

The Winner is the one that Stands Pat, doesn't Compromise their Course and Drives through the Prior Path of their Opponent.

The aftermath of a Session of Chicken depends on how it was decided but here are a few conclusions:

• If neither participant Chickens Out, there is a devastating collision where Life, Limb, Feelings or Relationships are temporarily or permanently damaged, altered or ended.
• If one participant Chickens Out, there may be less physical damage and more learning because it reveals something about both participants. For the "loser", maybe they valued their own welfare more than they thought they did or they questioned their conviction or position on the issue that brought them to this point.  For the "winner", it may tell them, that for this particular conflict, the other participant had less invested in the issue than they did.  Or maybe the other participant had more invested or at risk in the issue than they did.
• In any event, the Game of Chicken, is only played by those who have come to a point of conflict or decision where Discussion and Compromise has ended and a Battle of Wills and Principles has began.

So what are some takeaways from this little discussion on playing the Game of Chicken?

Well, let me just list a few based on my relational experiences at playing Chicken, because that's where all my Chicken playing has occurred:

• Take every available detour or route of escape to avoid playing the Game of Chicken.  This kind of nose to nose, personality vs personality, Mano y Mano or Womano y Womano  or Man vs Woman conflict really has No Winner.
• If you are gonna play the Game of Chicken, make sure the Stakes are pretty high, i.e. it's something really important.  It's kinda like a guy I used to work for once told me - If you waste all your time on the penny fights, then you won't have enough energy to fight the Dollar fights.
• As I said above, there is No Winner in a Game of Chicken, but whatever end you find yourself on following a session of Chicken, be Gracious to the other person.  If it went your way, don't gloat or celebrate. If you were the one that blinked, don't be ashamed or bear any malice.  Either way, accept the outcome, learn from it and move on.

Sometimes, the participants learn something about each other and themselves that makes them better even after the collision....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca9ub9rpNK4