I look back at the beginning of 2012 as the beginning of this life cycle of change.
Coming off an incredibly lucrative but mind numbing, body destroying year of 70 hours per week of work behind a computer and a lifetime high weight of 216 and high blood pressure and aching joints, I realized....
Change was Essential for Survival.
I took off on a Texas State Park hopping Sabbatical with nothing but camping gear and a mountain and road bike determined to regain my health and reset my priorities.
That 4 week tour of the Hill Country of Texas was interrupted with a call from my employer to return for a 2 week work assignment in Germany which I gladly accepted and turned into a grand cultural and travel adventure with a 1-week 350 mile bike tour down the Rhine River experiencing 5 beautiful German cities.
With my weight down 20 lbs from the all time high and a desire to continue the roll of adventure and travel I was on, I planned and executed the trip of a lifetime - a 2350 mile 56 day solo self supporting bike tour of the Pacific Coast from Seattle to and through San Diego to the gates entering Mexico at Tijuana.
A continued commitment to increased physical activity found me trying different group classes at my local fitness club, Family Fitness, in Lake Jackson. From Body Pump 3 times per week and Boot Camp twice a week and extended bike rides I maintained a high level of activity for the next 18 months and got stronger and more fit but was still not satisfied with my weight and the way I looked.
Fast forward to Spring 2014 when I started CrossFit and a strict Paleo diet which was an incredibly potent and timely combination. My weight dropped quickly from 192 lbs to a 30 year low of 166 lbs in 3 months and my body transformed from fit and fat to ripped and muscular.
My left knee which had started being a significant pain / mobility issue as early as 2009 got significantly better with the increased activity and decreased body weight.
Unfortunately, a series of overuse injuries starting with a torn left groin in August 2014 and a torn left achilles tendon in February 2015 slowed me down significantly. Surgery to remove a debilitating bone spur from my left knee in July 2015 prolonged the injury period.
I thought I was on the road to recovery from the injuries in the August - December 2015 period but was hit with a total failure of my 30 year struggle with my arthritic left knee. The last little bit of protective and cushioning cartilage disappeared and left me in a bone to bone, pain filled, restricted mobility, semi-crippled state that forced me to quickly face the realization that it was time for the Total Knee Replacement that my orthopedic doctors had been recommending for the last 2 years. That TKR procedure is scheduled for April 4th and the rehab / recovery from it will be long and painful but will hopefully put me in a better physical state than I have been in for several years.
And so the War of Change continues.
https://youtu.be/HdnTSXUWd3E
"War Of Change"
It's a truth that in love and war,
World's collide and hearts get broken,
I want to live like I know I'm dying,
Take up my cross, not be afraid
[Chorus]
Is it true what they say, that words are weapons?
And if it is,then everybody best stop steppin',
Cause I got ten in my pocket that'll bend ya locket,
I'm tired of all these rockers sayin' come with me,
Wait, it's just about to break, its more than I can take,
Everything's about to change,
I feel it in my veins, its not going away,
Everything's about to change.
It creeps in like a thief in the night,
Without a sign, without a warning,
But we are ready and prepared to fight,
Raise up your swords, don't be afraid,
[Chorus]
This is a warning, like it or not,
I break down, like a record spinning,
Gotta get up,
So back off,
This is a warning, like it or not,
I'm tired of listenin', I'm warning you, don't try to get up,
There's a war going on inside of me tonight (don't be afraid) [x2]
Wait, it's just about to break, its more than I can take,
Everything's about to change,
I feel it in my veins, its not going away,
Everything's about to change,
It's just about to break, its more than I can take,
Everything's about to change,
I feel it in my veins, its not going away,
Everything's about to change
World's collide and hearts get broken,
I want to live like I know I'm dying,
Take up my cross, not be afraid
[Chorus]
Is it true what they say, that words are weapons?
And if it is,then everybody best stop steppin',
Cause I got ten in my pocket that'll bend ya locket,
I'm tired of all these rockers sayin' come with me,
Wait, it's just about to break, its more than I can take,
Everything's about to change,
I feel it in my veins, its not going away,
Everything's about to change.
It creeps in like a thief in the night,
Without a sign, without a warning,
But we are ready and prepared to fight,
Raise up your swords, don't be afraid,
[Chorus]
This is a warning, like it or not,
I break down, like a record spinning,
Gotta get up,
So back off,
This is a warning, like it or not,
I'm tired of listenin', I'm warning you, don't try to get up,
There's a war going on inside of me tonight (don't be afraid) [x2]
Wait, it's just about to break, its more than I can take,
Everything's about to change,
I feel it in my veins, its not going away,
Everything's about to change,
It's just about to break, its more than I can take,
Everything's about to change,
I feel it in my veins, its not going away,
Everything's about to change
It's true.... Everything is about to change.
Things will be difficult for awhile and some people are worried about my recovery and being alone during that recovery.
And frankly, I'm a little worried too.
It's been suggested that Pride is driving my desire to "Handle it Alone" as much as possible. I don't think that's it. I've just become so accustomed to doing things alone and being alone that I'm not sure I can handle being around somebody all the time especially in a compromised state.
I know the few times recently that I have experienced prolonged social interactions with individuals or groups of people, it's left me realizing how challenging and energy consuming it is to be in the presence of other people.
Don't get me wrong, I need and enjoy the interaction and conversation that these experiences convey but it's almost like I have to manage the frequency and duration of them lest they become detrimental and draining to my balance of Life.
Guess I'm just not cut out for a lot of shared time.
Anyway, I am preparing mentally and physically for what will be a pretty rigorous surgical procedure and recovery. I've shared this link before on the Total Knee Replacement Procedure but figured I'd throw it up again (which is a pretty appropriate preceding phrase for viewing this video) for the purpose of education or temporary weight loss....
This procedure includes the use of "jigs" and "templates" for what is called "computer navigation" of the sawing and cutting that is done. Dr. Stocks will not use these jigs and supporting devices but will "free hand" the cuts but the procedure is still pretty much the same. The reason for his procedure approach is that long term studies have shown that the incidence of infection is increased with all the equipment / hardware that is introduced into the joint for the "computer navigation" technique.
Anyway - try not to barf if you decide to watch this video. However, it is a sobering and graphic reminder of the severity of this procedure.
I was thinking about that this morning and about the painful path of recovery that lay before me and then I saw this video on Palladia and it made me think....
You know I'm not as bad off as some people. I have the ability to get this fixed and I have loving people who care about me who are willing to help me through this "War of Change".
So watch this really cool video and realize.... things could be worse and try to keep your Life Trials and Tribulations in perspective.....
https://youtu.be/lP5KjUeXjTM
Hudson "Cast Out"
I was cast out of the sunshine Dragged to the dark by you Left for dead but the Judge didn't mind Thought ya got away and no one knew Well now it's time I get mine and you get yours No need to fight I'll burn back bright just like a torch Nail me down Bury me deep under ground I still survive Broke through the boards And I'm diggin for the floor I'm still alive Don't wanna do what I'm about to Do I'm gonna leave it all alone and let the truth haunt you If I had my way I'd break your face But Instead every day you're gonna hear my name Well now it's time I get mine and you get yours No need to fight I'll burn back bright just like a torch Nail me down Burry me deep under ground I still survive Broke through the boards And I'm diggin for the floor I'm still alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive
Hudson "Cast Out"
I was cast out of the sunshine Dragged to the dark by you Left for dead but the Judge didn't mind Thought ya got away and no one knew Well now it's time I get mine and you get yours No need to fight I'll burn back bright just like a torch Nail me down Bury me deep under ground I still survive Broke through the boards And I'm diggin for the floor I'm still alive Don't wanna do what I'm about to Do I'm gonna leave it all alone and let the truth haunt you If I had my way I'd break your face But Instead every day you're gonna hear my name Well now it's time I get mine and you get yours No need to fight I'll burn back bright just like a torch Nail me down Burry me deep under ground I still survive Broke through the boards And I'm diggin for the floor I'm still alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive
P.S. I really like the sound of this band and the theme and content of this song and video.
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